When do kids become easier/ allow for some me time?

[cupofdecaf]

I'm just curious when do kids need less supervision/ entertainment?
I have dreams of doing some gardening or baking, reading a book maybe at the weekend whilst the kids potter around or entertain themselves. Or maybe they could even help with gardening/ baking without it turning into a disaster.
At the moment if either me or DH want to do anything on our own the other one has to have both DC (which can at times be hard work) and means we struggle to do stuff together (house maintenance for example). We've arranged grandparents to help with childcare a few times just to get basic 2 person DIY jobs done.
They are admittedly very active and full on DC.
In the summer I'll be able to do gardening after bedtime which will help (I love gardening).
Friends with teenagers moan they hardly ever see their kids so I don't want to wish the early years away but it feels relentless at times.

Not 4.5, that's all I know!

For me around 2.5 i could get on with shorter tasks while DD either 'helped' or played/watched a film/kindle etc.

By 3 i was able to sit and watch my films/tv shows while DD did the same in another room.

DIY/painting etc by 5 yo she will nwo leave me alone for long enough.

My kids are 6, 10 and 12 and I manage a few hours to myself at weekends. During the week, not so much. They all have several extra curricular activities, sports clubs and groups etc so it's a pretty regimented and full on routine during the week. Only 1 has activities at the weekend and they're both done Sunday morning. So often get to go for a nice walk on my own on a Saturday if the weather is nice. X

Mine are 12 and 9 and it's been years and years since I've felt like I couldn't get some downtime to myself, I was studying with a 3 year old and a baby so have always ensured I've sectioned off part of my week for me, in those days I had to but it set a good precedent for when life got a bit easier.

No doubt there will be someone along in a minute to say they still can't go to the toilet without their 30 year old following in them though, they get harder as they get older you know.

Should add to that...my partner is present with them while I'm out walking but he will he doing bits and bobs round the house (or watching the football lol). They don't need to be entertained as such.

Age 9 is lovely - entertains himself with Lego and Minecraft for hours, we bake together without me having an inner meltdown, and he still likes cuddles :)

5

Surely it depends on the DC .. my DS was so chilled and laid back from a tiny baby ... I think I always just did my own thing, he would play happily on a rug and I would read my book ...

Well my experience probably somewhat tainted by Covid but by 9 it’s easy. Most 11 year olds can go out of the home more independently, bake without supervision, happy to play alone, can be left in the house for a little while without you there.

3/4

Depends on the child I think but mine are 6 and 4 and I probably only get 20-30 mins max them not needing something.

How old are your kids OP? And why do they need constant adult attention?

I’m a lone parent and Dd is 6. Now I can say to her do you mind if mummy reads for a bit (lays down on my bed and trawls mumsnet 😂) while you go play? And she’s perfectly happy for an hour. She is an only though and I have instilled lone playing/drawing/glueing etc from a very young age. But only because I literally could not do anything unless she knew how to keep herself entertained!

3-4.5was the most intensive parenting age for me and I found it really overwhelming. Now it’s a lot easier on both of us!

And why do they need constant adult attention?

Because that’s what kids do?

I could leave my 5yo for 90 minutes/2 hours with a minimum of intervention and she'd be fine just pottering about and playing. Annoyingly I've also got a 2yo who brings the chaos every where she goes so I can never get anything done.

They're 2 and 4.
The 4 year old will watch cartoons for a bit of downtime and is ok- ish at being around when jobs are being done but they still take longer. Baking can be quite stressful. I tried making a gingerbread house at Christmas with them and am still getting over it.
The younger goes through phases of being very clingy but is better at staying with DH at other times.
If we just had our 4 year old I think things would be much more relaxed. I'm hoping in a couple of years I'll be able to potter about the doing things without them destroying things/ fighting/ needing stuff constantly/interfering (pulling up the plants I've just planted for example).
Love them to pieces but all me and DH seem to say to each other is 'I'm tired' and 'do you think in a couple of years we'll be able too...'
trying not to wish it away and enjoy them being little and cute but there's so much more I'd like to be able to do, both by myself and as a family.

Sorry op your gingerbread house comment has brought back traumatic memories for me and made me laugh so much! I tried when Dd was 3 and then 4 and oh god it was a train wreck!

They’re still small, so you are kinda stuck in it for a bit longer. Once your 2 year old is 4 though I think that will be the perfect age. They’ll play together properly then.

Seems like a lifetime away but it’s not! Same amount of time from when they were a newborn and you lived through that!

Ahh yes 2 is not the ideal age for me time! But it will come

Saying that, my youngest has just turned 3 and he will happily pretend play by himself, more so than the older 2 did at that age. It's more that his practical needs are still quite high - as in, he's potty training, likes frequent snacks and drinks, etc etc.

My 5 and 7 year old have periods of being quite demanding but they will also play, read, or use screens peacefully. Drawing and crafts, they still either want or need us around. Baking is still a nightmare because everyone wants a turn!

Probably 2.5? I've got to say I find it odd when kids can't entertain themselves and need constant attention/supervising, especially once they're in reception at school.

FWIW I've never "played" much with my kids, they've always been given all the toys and things but I'm just not the kind of parent who likes to do that - that's why I gave them siblings haha. But young DC still just do need lots of attention, I think that's quite normal. They haven't cut the apron strings yet.

How do they get harder as they get older?

Set up a room or two that are completely safe and be within ear shot (available) and you should be able to read a book, garden etc. Kids love to be purposeful and to see you busy. Thay learn things.
In earlier days mothers made all the clothes, baked all the bread, milked a cow etc. etc... so children can happily amuse themselves if they are left to do so for some time of every day.

Thanks.
I think part of is they're both very active. My DM who was a teacher tells me they're both like my older brother and she waited 4 years before having me because he was so full on. She won't have both together for more than a few hours and she adores them.
I'm dyslexic and ADHD so I'm wondering if they are going to be similar to me.
I met an elderly farmer when they were younger who told me to work them like dogs. I wasn't offended as he meant he'd been watching them and I need to keep them busy and wear them out.
I adore them, it's just, relentless.

4 if an easy child but more like 5.

But you actually need to train your kids if you want this! They need to be able to do things for themselves. And need to learn that you are not their constant companion. The reason I get some freedom now is that they can all get a snack and the older 2 can cook at 8 and 9. (They know they have to ask). We don’t give air to ‘telling tales’ on each other to avoid us constantly been dragged into their bickering. If they hurt themselves (non critically) they don’t get a song and dance about it and are able to put their own plaster on from the cupboard. And they sometimes get told ‘No! Mummy is taking coffee to a quiet room for 30min and only to be disturbed for emergencies’.

This and many other little independences are the foundation of me getting downtime between all the activities on the weekend.

Mine are 8 and 5. Some days they can happily play for an hour or more, some days they bicker or want my attention. If they are on screens I can get longer.