Hey MNerrs.
I'm finding it really diffcult to parent effectively with a good routine. Can you help me develop some sort of timetable or guidance?
Background is there may be factors that make aspects challenging. I will try and mention what matters.
1.I live alone with my 2 young secondary age kids. I have no family nearby. One bro/sil a few hours away. Been single 6 yrs.
- I work fulltime close to home. Long hours. I am poor. I rent. Our house is too small for us. 3 of us. 2 bedrooms.
- They see their dad EOW from Sat 12pm to Sunday 5pm. He is an hours drive away. He occassionally comes on a Weds eve for an hour or two. This is random depending on his work and tiredness levels. He sees them in my home or takes them for dinner. We do not get on.
- I have some MH issues. I do not really understand how to state what these are. But I can be emotionally unstable, erratic, angry. They stem from childhood trauma that wasnt addressed. I have ADs. Issues flare up now and again. I have tried getting help. Slow, expensive, minimal improvement. This is a sore topic. Much self blame. I think.I may have some adhd type tendencies thought I am not claiming to have the diagnosis.
- Boy does 2 sport activities after school. Tues and Fri. I am looking at a Monday one. Sometimes skips Fri with an excuse. Girl does 3. One of them is shared (tues). They Usually walk to school. And home. So around 3 miles total a day.
- I usually cook. Kids ocassionally help. Will often fend for themselves with simple meals or Freezer stuff. I am tired with house work. They dont have set chores but do what I ask (e.g. bins, laundry out /in etc).
- They have too much time on screens. DS has games console. Plays with friends but too much. I do not know what suitable rules should be. I possibly have too much screentime too? But do i have to have same rules as them?
- I grew up reading a lot and studying. My kids do not to any extra aside from the minimal honework they get. No bad feedback from school. I want them to do more. Be curious. Read. Extra homework. I do read. Could do more. Read a lot with them as kids.
- My friends and peers are all (sadly?!?!) middle class and very good parents. They are all doing so so much for and with their kids (bar selective schooling) and I cannot compete. Mine cannot very confidently swim nor play instruments. Lessons did not last long enough to make progrsss. This makes me feel ashamed.
10. They are good kids. I had them too young when I should not have. I feel very worried and alone.
So I guess my questions are what should my usual week and weekends with them look like? How can I build in limits of screen time? What is realistic? How much should they read and study? Should chores be set? What do I do when they resist? I do not know if timetables will work - is there another way? I really do want some help. Ex doesnt help except maintenance. What can I do? Please help me :( This is ruining my time with them. They also nrver want to go out at weekends. Should I force them? They dont get on At All.
Thank you....