Hi everyone. I am not sure where best to post this so this is the best place I could find.
I have a 8 month old baby. I was befriended by a much older man for many years I met him in a very vulnerable position. I met him 6 years ago. had been vulnerable over the years as this man knew my weaknesses from troubles I had. He boyfriend had committee suicide when I met this man. I am now 38 years old he is 68. We are not married. He has 2 other kids now in their 40s.
I found out he had another child from someone else when I was pregnant that he doesn't see (he says the mother of the child wouldn't let him see the child) he said he tried taking her to court.
Their isn't much point delving too much on this but I don't want any criticism so I will explain a little. I never saw him romantic I saw him as a friend. He always listened was there for me
He admitted he had intentions from when he first met me he said I looked like I could of been one 20s but still fancied me and fell in love there and then. I always dismissed anything and it was obvious to him I would not be interested in him. He knew I was hoping to find a man to settle down with and over the last two years he knew I wanted children. He kept saying to me he can offer everything I've wanted and what am I going to do as I can't find a decent man. He would 'cry' seeing kids out saying why can't we have one of them etc.
He pays £6.42 a week for child through child maintenance. He is claiming to be on only benefits but runs own business.
I expressed my concerns on having a baby with him due to the big age gap and the affect it could have on the child plus him being much older but he made me feel it wouldn't be a problem and because my desire to have a baby it took over.
There were lots of other concerns already there including the safety, he is a very careless person, dangerous driving, and extremely unhygienic and suffers health issues due to smoking.
He had been saying his priority is to see baby. We recently had mediation and it was agreed him to drop the court stuff (pushing for a paternity test) and then he can see baby. I asked for this in writing. But I heard from his solicitor hours after when the meeting was meant to be saying he won't be dropping the court case. So the meeting didn't happen so is continuing to push for the court.
These are the things I have put to CAFCASS:
Gets very aggressive when questioned anything he doesn't like, mentally abusive.
This much older man groomed me (I had counselling when pregnant)
Severely unhygienic dog urination and feacses all over carpet and bed and sofa saturated in carpet and sofa , rats in garden
Generally unhygienic has a horse doesn't change clothes from stables or wash hands handles food items from garage where he works left everywhere oil etc on clothes
Dog is blind 14 years old incontinent has health issues open bleeding wounds
Dangerous driving several times I experienced speeding through red lights clipping other vehicles wing mirrors texting while driving
(That's last time I got in his car)
Leaves pills lying about on floor and worktop , dog pills and human
Has cupboards packed of different pulls, many different antidepressants (he said he doesn't need them) but many recent dates. Known to take valium (says because of every woman and ex wife)
He has got part of the house done because at the time I pushed it that a baby couldn't live there. But some is still the same and poor dog.
Admitted to not having any involvement with kids when younger no experience of nappy changes etc etc.
I have read that unless a man/woman is a peadophile or drug use then they aren't a risk to the child.
Wondering if anyone has had experience of a similar situation? If they know what may happen here with my situation? My biggest fear is him having unsupervised access and or being left with people I don't know. Wondering how long the court would order to be supervised for. And if they would take his age into consideration?
If anyone has any useful information help I would appreciate very much thank you in advance.
Also if I keep refusing the DNA if ordered by the court what could happen?
Thank you