Screen obsessed tantruming DS

[QuertyGirl]

My DS is obsessed with screens. Tv, computer games, tablet, peoples phones. I've always limited screen time but it still seems to be the defining element of his life.

If he doesn't get his way we have violent tantrums (hitting, punching, breaking stuff) which as he's a very solid 6 year old, I'm finding it increasingly hard to deal with. He looses all screens and treats for that behaviour.

He's an only child and there simply aren't any kids on his street to play with. He has friends at school but play dates don't seem to be forthcoming.

School hasn't raised any issues with his behaviour.

At a loss!

He behaves ok at school because the don't have screens and won't give in to a tantrum

Cold turkey? Remove all screens ( eg tv in the loft , your phones turned off ) and only bring things back once he's had a few days to calm down

He's old enough to understand

He's also old enough to get bored , no one ever died of it , or help mummy round the house

Also make sure he gets plenty of exercise- go out together

You remove all screens and he learns to play with toys again. Don't reintroduce them at all, only tv. He's only 6 and will forget his old routines soon enough. His behaviour is quite extreme, thank god he's only 6. You dont want this with an even bigger child. You're setting him up to fail if you don't remove them and get on top of this. Screen addiction is a real thing.

My son who is now 20 used to be like this. It's down to brain immaturity and not being able to switch from such a rewarding task to other things which might give his brain less reward feelings.

We had a structure in the end. He could use screen based stuff for 90 mins a day but then had to do other stuff.

We made a big thing of countdowns, so "10 mins left", "five mins left" etc.

Once off we ticked a chart and he got a piece of chocolate. That might not work for everyone but it sweetened (sorry) the switch over.

You have to parent him.

Take the screens away, ideally get rid of them where possible. Deal with the tantrums and get him playing with toys and outdoors.

Make sure you're practising what you preach and put your phones away during the day as well. Then you can see how tough it is for him, as you probably use them a lot during the day too without realising.

But take him outside as much as possible and it will help.

I agree. You need to stop screen time full stop, unless it's part of a family movie day or something.

Get him out the house or playing with toys.

This is why young children should not have screens. They are as addictive as cocaine and the kid does not have the maturity to deal with it or regulate. Remove ALL screens now. Cold turkey. Reintroduce when he is much older.

What else does he do OP? Sports, music, drama, beavers? You need to find him some non screen hobbies!

That's what I wish I'd done!

One sport and one swimming class.

Considering Scouts.

You still can. Take them all away today. Keep your own phone in your handbag and don't use it in front pf him unless you need to 8and then you just say it's 'grown ups privilege'. Keep your own laptop, iPad whatever you have in your office/place of work, or if you have to bring it home, keep it shut in a bag unless he is in bed. TV - you can control that. Keep remotes out of his reach and only let him watch when you allow it. It's going to be hard OP, won't deny that, but you can do it. Imagine he was hooked on crack - you would do all it takes to get him off it. This is exactly the same.

TV is less addictive than other types of screen. All the others you can remove as above. Be firm OP! It sounds like you need a complete reset.

Children don't need screens. At six watching a 20 minute TV show four nights per week and a movie on the weekend is ample. Screens encourage bad posture, bad eyesight, poor manners(no consideration for polite engagement) poor listening skills, hinders speaking and conversation skills. Put up with the screaming during withdrawal and indroduce a sport or outdor pursuit. Invite a friend over every fortnight. Visit Grandparents and play chess etc.
At six you child is addicted.

I'm gonna echo a lot of what others have suggested. My daughter had a lot of screens during Covid because we had to get work done and her behaviour really suffered, she was definitely getting addicted to them. We went cold turkey for a week. Then reintroduced to tv only and only for set times at the weekend. No phones, no tablets. She is told beforehand how long she is getting and gets a countdown when the time is coming to an end. 5 mins, 1 min and then it's off. The occasional winge but not had any tantrums since that 1 week reset thankfully. She's 5. I would try it sooner rather than later, it will be much harder trying to regulate him when he's 9, 10, 11, a grumpy teen... My DD isn't an only but younger DC is too young to entertain her really, she has her toys and art stuff and books, and if she complains of being bored I get her to help me with jobs round the house, best cure for that lol. Good luck OP.

You have to step up and be the parent now because this is not going to get any better and will get a hell of a lot worse.

No 6 year old needs that amount of screen time or access to devices!! And I say that as a parent of a 6 year old and the teacher of 6 year olds. Letting him have all of this is not helping him.

He needs to play, he needs to be outside, he needs to see and do things, he needs to be bored so that he can create a game from a cardboard box.

I agree with cold turkey. Plan to get out and about as much as possible. Wear him out with activity and fresh air at the weekends. Once you've all regained some control, reinstate the TVs. It would be a long time before he got hold of a phone, tablet or computer game in our house!

I don't think there's a shortcut to this, you have to remove/restrict the tech and just grit your teeth through the inevitable kick offs.

Redirect him, do some active stuff together and work with him on staying calm and managing big emotions.

Agree with the others. They are so addictive, he’s done nothing wrong by getting addicted but you need to remove them right now.

Hi @QuertyGirl . I have very similar with my dd6. It's not just screen time though for me, it can be anything. Having a soft grandparent doesn't help mind.

No quick fix, just try you best to ensure you are both getting enough rest, drink, food. Distractions, bribes and threats can help too. Consistent routines and consequences also. Give yourself plenty time for tasks to be done.