Worried about DS4, feedback from school

[Awakeagainnow]

Looking for words of wisdom and advice please. Feedback from DS reception parents evening feedback and I'm feeling a bit clueless.

DS 4 seems to be getting on well at school and doing well in his reading, writing, seems happy and making friends. Always happy to go in. I'm aware he's a sensitive child in ways and does say school is very busy and noisy sometimes.

The parents evening, teacher gave feedback that DS academic progress is on track. All good. Then she said that he has trouble concentrating on activities and there have been a few incidents where he has got very distressed over things being arranged in certain ways, disagreement with another child over a toys name. She said the level to which he got upset was concerning. She also informed us that they have given him ear defenders to wear to get him to focus on his work. She said that these areas of behaviour means he may be on track to "fail" his early years assessment.

I said that some of the behaviours chimes with DS behaviour at home and some red flags I have picked up around possible ASD symptoms. She responded by saying that she will arrange observation by the SENCO and that we should talk again soon.

All of what she recounted was news to me and his dad (we co parent), no mention before at pick up/drop offs. I'm a bit surprised tbh that she didn't mention the individual incidents on the day and also the ear defenders wasn't mentioned at all, and seems like an intervention by the school but never mentioned before. Is this normal? I'm also concerned about the teacher not raising these incidents earlier and particularly not even mentioning the ear defenders.

Thanks in advance. Feeling a bit helpless and worried for DS.

Sorry bit repetitive post, copy and paste fail.
Any words of advice please.

It's not Monday morning, yet. Ask to speak to the teacher after school and raise every single point here.

Obviously you will be concerned. It sounds good that the school are not labelling him 'naughty'. You need to see the SENCO asap to get their thoughts.

I wonder have you asked to speak to the teacher about the concerns you've noticed at home?

Thanks for replies. Yes my thought is to arrange to speak to the teacher ASAP following the parents evening last week. Should I ask to speak to the Senco separately as well?

@LetThemEatTurnips I've asked the teacher a few times at drop off about if DS is getting on OK with his listening. Recently DS also told me that he was moved to another "row" on the carpet. I asked the teacher if this was related to listening or behaviour. She was a bit coy about it and sort of laughed it off saying some children were moved to mix things up and where some children were too used to being next to their friends. I probably should have arranged a separate conversation with her then and also coincided with some of the behaviour issues at home. I'm so conscious though not to appear to be fussy or take up their time.

I'm just worried about my DS and quietly upset that none of this was raised before especially the incidents where she said DS got very upset at school.

I mean I've asked at pick ups not drop off - again conscious not wanting to take up the teachers time.

Maybe he was upset in the morning but totally calm by the afternoon. They could just have noticed a pattern of less important behaviour over a number of months which is all falling into place now. How long have they been trying the ear defenders? Maybe it is a relatively new intervention and it seems to help. I wouldn't expect them to necessarily ask me everytime they try something different. I would just be glad that they seem to be observant, responsive and willing to try things that they think might help him.

It is a tricky line for them to tread because although you agree with them that there is some basis for concern, many parents will not see the issues at all with that behaviour, especially in isolation, even suggesting it can be met with anger from parents. They are probably also mindful that with covid lots of children have not had as much socialisation, that alongside starting school could mean that they are not wanting to jump to conclusions. It sounds though as if they have been responsive to him and are now bringing you in on the discussion once they are satisfied that these are not just teething problems. What did nursery say about his interactions with others?

Moving place on the carpet is totally normal and might be because of other children not him, unless he was told it was because of him.

If he'd become upset to the point that the teacher thought it was concerning then I'm surprised she didn't mention that to you on the day.
Ear defenders, an observation from the SENCO and switching places on the carpet, are all standard practice in my school.
I think it would help you to have a chat with the teacher though as you're quite rightly concerned.

I would be a bit pissed off to be hearing about these things first time at a parents’ evening.

At my son’s school (he’s now Year 1) we get an email from his teachers in the evening if anything out of the ordinary has happened on the day. And then can arrange a meeting to chat further if we want. I recognise this is probably exceptional levels of communication tho.

Speaking as a teacher, ideally there shouldn’t be anything new at parents’ evening and it should have been mentioned before. However, it can be extremely difficult to talk about these kinds of things when other parents are present which means that sometimes parents’ evening is the best place to have a proper conversation where you think carefully about your wording. I wouldn’t worry too much about the fact that the information is new. What you need to know now is what are the next steps for DS. Give the SENDCo time to observe and then arrange another meeting. You say he’s your fourth child, have you seen anything similar with your other DC or is this unique to him?

Just realised you possibly meant to say DS1 (4) in which case ignore my bit about your other three children!

The teacher should have raised their concerns to you before parent's evening, that is standard practice. I would arrange another meeting with the teacher and take it from there.

The teachers at DC school always chat to parents on the door if something has happened sometimes there are multiple parents they want to have a quick word with.

Yanbu. Teachers are not supposed to drop bombshells like that on parents at parents eve. She should have mentioned all those things before now.