Failing my baby

[Givemethesun]

Sorry for the long , rambly message. I feel like I am failing my baby. To start of positively, she is exclusively breastfed and three months. She’s doing all her developmental milestones as far as I can tell. Everyone keeps telling me she is alert.

But I don’t think she is very happy. She smiles a little bit if she likes a nursery rhyme or if she has woken up in a good mood or likes a face, but so rarely I don’t have any photos of her doing it. She seems very unhappy/serious.

She is also quite small and although growing she has fallen from 9th centile to 2nd centile. I’ve worried about her weight since about four weeks. I tried asking the gp about her weight at my 6 week postpartum check as well as at the baby’s 8 week check. Both gps dismissed my concerns.

Baby has always had the required wet and dirty nappies throughout.

I also asked the gp at the 8 week check to check my baby for tongue tie - she confirmed definitly none.

I haven’t really had any support breastfeeding. In fact I didn’t know any was available. I called our HV central telephone line (I didn’t know this existed either until recently) about another matter at week 11 and they recommended the breastfeeding cafe. I have since gone to the BF cafe and the health visitors there picked up that baby was small. The HVs there also picked up then that baby has a tongue tie (too late for the operation but told I can carry on BF if I focus on correct latch) Baby is putting on weight but I’ve been asked to come back for a re weight in two weeks time because she has fallen a centile.

Since baby has been small we have had boughts of screaming/intense crying. I constantly just thought “my baby isn’t happy.” Even now at 12 weeks I still can have an hour of solid screaming. I assumed it was because baby was overtired but now I am worried it may have been because baby was hungry all this time and I’ve failed her all this time.

I also am worried that although I do my best to comfort her when she’s crying that perhaps she didn’t feel comforted because she often wouldn’t stop crying for a long time.

I feel so terrible that I may have failed my baby and made her miserable. I also feel I should I have known about the breastfeeding cafes, and even known that there was the central HV number. I should have pushed the tongue tie. It makes me feel sad that I may have caused my baby to feel unhappy for the first few months of her life. I’ve really tried my best to look after her but I feel like I should have done more.

Thank you. Me and my husband are going to have a look at local private consultations . Glad you managed to get the tongue tie sorted

I would 100% look into getting the tongue tie cut. My dd had hers done at 4 weeks and it made so much difference. Another mum friend of mine didn't get it done straightaway as it wasn't picked up and her milk supply was effected, babies with TT have to work so much harder for the milk and tend to give up through tiredness before they're actually fully satisfied. This then effects milk supply, which can be hard to then increase. It could be that you dc is hungry, but if this is the case then this is absolutely not your fault, you sound as if you're doing your absolute best with very little support!! Or it could be that your baby is just naturally on the smaller side, either way I think a private lactation consultation would really benefit you guys! Your dc sounds incredibly lucky to have such a loving parent.

I just want to thank everyone again for their replies last week. It really does make a difference. We have had a much better week this week (and I’ve even had some fun with the baby!!) and both myself and my baby feel and seem much happier!! Plus she is definitely gaining weight.

You can definitely still have that tongue tie snipped - my first was done at five months after numerous NHS "experts" told me she didn't have one. I am still angry about it almost 3.5 years on! Definitely definitely see a private lactation consultant x