Just a little back story. My son was 2 months old when I found out about his father's affairs and we separated and began to start co parenting. We decided to not go through courts and do it amicably. We've been doing this for a year. We agreed on when he would have him and how much he would send me each month (cm) and to start it was going well.
A few months in, it stared to become a problem. He would start cancelling, be late on payments and I noticed my son was, in my eyes, was being neglected (Sore bum, dehydrated, tired when he came home). I laid down rules and gave ultimatums.
My exs father, so my sons grandfather started to get involved (ex lives with his dad)
They agreed to change days that worked better with them and me.
Now, they live about 2 hours away, and because I'm trying to get this to work without confrontation I agreed to meet them so far as he was complaining of fuel costs (which I understand). Eventually, my ex stopped meeting and his father has been doing it for the past 6 months. Now this is where things started to get weird for me. I don't hear from my ex anymore. He doesn't ask how his son is ever. I only hear from him if he's bring our son home and that's probably been twice in the time his father's taken over. My exs father messages though and asks as if he's the father I.e "how's OUR boy doing" and I'll be honest it creeps me out. There was also a point where my ex had cancelled two weekends in a row and I received a message from my exs father which had me and my ex cc'd in telling us how disappointed he was that he doesn't see his grandson blah blah blah. And even mentioned how my son has another life with them..bear in mind he has a daughter who has his granddaughter who he doesn't see as much as he sees his grandson. This bugged me as I would think my son has one life its who closes to be apart of it, right? That was a final straw for me and my response was I can't do this anymore on my own, let's go though the courts. That sent them in a panic basically. My ex even called to tell me his mental state isn't the best but he still wants his son, and even my exs father talked about how my ex is still drinking and not making the best decisions in life. They agreed to go by what I said, which was changing the visitation because ex couldn't get time off work for weekends. He eventually was able to get 2 weekends off so our son was able to go see him. But again, it's his grandfather that's picking him up and they've told me that they have a weekend each...but now I'm not seeing my ex with his son at all, only his grandfather. My son is almost 2 and is still coming home with a sore bum, constipated and dehydrated and beyond tired that it's taking me and my current partner days to get him back in to a routine which I know my ex and his father don't follow. I'm afraid my kindness in the beginning is being taken advantage of. My ex has stopped sending me any money, never asks after him and has just pretty much vanished. Now my exs father is a lovely mam but I feel he's acting as if he's more than a grandparent. Especially with the messages he sends me. I feel like I'm now co parenting with grandparent instead of the parent.
I guess I'm looking for advice, if I'm being crazy or if something just isn't right. I feel I'm letting my son down by sending him there and him coming back in the state that he is.
Now I would never stop his grandparents from seeing my son at the end of the day thir still family, but I feel this isn't right and mum's have told me to go with my gut.
My sons needs are not being met and its starting to make me feel guilty as a mam sending my son there when he's not getting looked after properly. He's not even two yet and still requires so much care.
Any help or information in the right direction would be great. I want courts to be a last resort but if its a must, mama will find a way.