19 month old tantrums - SO INTENSE!

[TeainanIV]

Hello wise mumsnetters, I am seeking advice/reassurance about my DDs sudden onset of tantrums - over the last few days they've just appeared out of nowhere. Our little one is usually so easy going and smiley and in the last few days she is throwing huge, out of control tantrums out of nowhere. They seem to start so suddenly and nothing calms her
She throws herself around, lashing out and hitting - we try distraction, ignoring, comforting and nothing makes any difference. We just have to let her get it out of her system! Tonight she threw the biggest of tantrums just with me popping her towel on after her bath, this then escalated to her not letting me put her nappy on, her pyjamas on and hysterically screaming for 40 minutes. She screams for milk/hugs/'up' but when I offer or try to do all of those things she hits them/me away! Aaarghh the frustration is so hard!

I'm finding it so hard to manage and feeling overwhelmed, she's an awful sleeper so we're (me and DH) permanently exhausted which I think is making me find it so much harder to manage.

Is this normal behaviour for this age? And if anybody has any words of wisdom/advice for how to manage both our emotions in these situations I'd be so grateful! Thank you for a very overwhelmed mum! Xx

Could she be unwell or reacting to teething?

Tantrums are quite normal. What is her speech like? If she can’t verbally explain and you get her to show you what she wants or what is wrong?

@TheSnowyOwl thanks for your reply! Her speech is quite good and she's very good at letting us know what she wants/needs - she'll say things she wants whilst tantrumming but when we try to give her it she rejects it! She has been on antibiotics for an eye infection - could it be related to this? She hasn't shown any side effects - no runny tummy, skin issues, appetite still good so I didn't think anything of it. Maybe teething? Although when she's been teething before we've not had tantrums like this!

We've had the same thing happen with our just over 18 month old. A few fussy patches previously but nothing major and easily moved on from it. Last few days - epic tantrums. I think it is just developmental and a new phase (joy). Similar stuff to what you describe, shouting for things then refusing it. Some of them I've been able to work out the issue and resolve it but the ones over getting dressed etc are tough as we need to get going and out the house! At the moment im staying calm, trying to give her space but staying with her, and trying to give her a choice of two options for things we need to do to try and give some control and minimise the likelihood of her kicking off! Hunger and tiredness definitely seem to be triggers so im offering more snacks as well. Sympathy for you, it's really tough!

@MGee123 aaah sending solidarity!! It's so bloody tough isn't it!? I think we have officially entered the tantrum phase, I'd hoped we'd have a little longer haha!! Our DDs tantrums sound very similar!! Thank you for your tips, I'll have to try the choice/options and see if that helps! X

I'd say it's normal for this age, I have a DD the same age and just recently she has started being CRAZY dramatic about even tiny things - often if I have to stop her or take her away from something she's really interested in because it's time to go home, or we need to get ready to go out, or it's not hers... But also the basics like nappy changes can be absolutely wild and she kicks and thrashes and screams her head off.
I've read there can be a bit of a developmental leap at this age, so this could be part of it. But also, tiredness, growth spurts, teething, possible illness or onset of illness yet to appear... There could be all sorts going on. We recently had a really shit sleep regression too where she needed constant cuddles for hours and cried unless she was on us, whereas before she'd go down in the cot like an absolute dream (not sorry - my first child was a horrendous sleeper so I've done my time on the clingy child front!).
So yeah I think it's normal - check for things that could be making it worse, and give calpol if you think it might help, but it could just be her age and how much they have to deal with when they're still so tiny and can't talk yet!
It's really hard when they're like that though, and lack of sleep definitely makes patience ten times shorter. Don't feel guilty that it's hard work, IT IS really hard and shit sometimes, and fully embrace the fact that it is always, always just a phase, and this too shall pass. Xxx

@Bluebirds1987 aah yes the nappy changes are like a bloody wrestling match now 😂 it's horrendous! Nursery don't believe me when I tell them, she's apparently an angel for them!!

Ooh I am jealous, I wish she would sleep better 🙈 I feel it's karma though as according to my own parents I was a horrendous sleeper until I was 6 years old!!! Takes after her mother clearly 😂.

Thank you so much for advice and kindness! Xxx