Does a few months make all the difference ?

[anggge]

Bit of a sensitive post here. I had a termination in October. My son was 9mo. I had returned to work and I instantly thought financially and mentally I couldn’t cope with a small age gap.

I look back in regret. I wish I never did it as I have felt lately I can handle anything and would have been able to. I was in such a stage of panic.

My son is 14mo now and I have had such weird feelings of coming off my pill? Around spring time. I thought if I got pregnant in summer then there’d be just over 2 year age gap how nice

Then I sat in guilt. How could I even think of that this year when I did what I did?

I hate the pill. I feel nauseous after every item of food I eat, I get headaches more than I did before the pill and it makes me so tired? I know if I come off there’s a chance of another pregnancy as that’s what happened last time (accidental but I wasn’t on pull) and then I think to myself

“2 years is a nice gap and you’d cope really well”

how has my mindset changed this much since end of September (when I found out about my accidental pregnant and did what I did)

I feel like a terrible human

hi @anggge . I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this. I had a termination under similar circumstances and it really broke me. It took around a year before I started to see it was the right decision at the time. Perhaps something to consider is that you’re stronger now and could cope but at the time you may well not have done, you cannot know for sure and there was something telling you it wouldn’t be the right thing at that time - things always look easier and workable with hindsight. You could well have continued the pregnancy, not coped and it impacted your family. It’s an awful thing to go through but you are NOT a terrible human, you are simply human and you did what was best in the circumstances. I say all this now with absolute clarity but at the time I suffered greatly with my decision… you will get through this. I confided in a friend only recently about what happened (the topic came up and I felt ok sharing), and it turned out she had also had a termination not long before me. It doesn’t make it easier that others have been through it but hopefully it allows you to see you’re not alone, you’re not terrible and you made a very hard decision which was right at that time - and that’s all any of us can ever do.

@hatttiello Thank you so much <3

its the hardest choice to make. I acted like it was made lightly (to DH) but it racked my brain and still does. I’ll never forget the process of it it’s traumatised me slightly

and now the thought of having another pregnancy and baby scares me because of what I did :(
But like I said I’m at a stage where I feel I’d handle things a lot better