Whinging toddler - help please!

[sassy]

DD, aged 2y2m is driving me nuts at the moment. She's always been a pretty sunny child but she has just discovered the whinge and it is awful! The one that get my goat most is 'Give me a sweetie' - she hardly ever gets sweets so where has this ons come from? I've tried ignoring the whining but sooner or later it reaches such a pitch that I have to respond.
I've put her to bed now to give us both a break from each other (bad mother !)

Sassy - you have my COMPLETE sympathies, but no bright ideas I'm afraid.

DS2 27months is completely like this and has become EXCEPTIONALLY whingey over the last month or so.
His favourite is to follow me EVERYWHERE saying "I need a cuddle" and having massive tantrums if anything slightly upsets him (toast cut the 'wrong way' this morning..... aargh!

Pleease someone give us some advice!

can I join you please? my ds, aged 2y3m, is the same - will watch this with interest.

Sassy - I could've written that post. DD is 2y5m and is driving me nuts.

The worst thing is after the whining cometh the huge tantrum and yet she's always been wonderfully placid until now.

So know advice but another one waiting to hear what people suggest

Sassy - tell me about it. DS2 is 25 months and does nothing but whine - it's driving me up the wall but I feel better to hear that I'm not the only one! Sometimes I wonder if there is something seriously wrong but then of course, it's obvious, he's hit the 'terrible twos'!! I think he just likes his own way and while starting to talk, is struggling to communicate and it's frustrating for him.

He throws a wobbly at the slightest thing - like the toast cut the wrong way, the wrong spoon with his breakfast, if I don't let him sit on the worktop while I pour the krispies, if ds1 overtakes him running from the lounge to kitchen, if I look at him the wrong way!! It could be absolutely anything and it's getting ridiculous!

Judging by this thread it's totally normal and I think we just have to ride it out girls!!!

Hello - can I join too - 2.5yrs old and winges for Britain - really manipulative too "I want cuddle" all the time, as he knows that is too hard to resist - even though I know it's because he doesn't want to do something like go to bed. The wingeing is really hard to deal with isn't it - constant horrible white noise!

Yup! Yesterday I just lost it and shouted 'SHUUUUUUT UUUUUUUUP!'

It didn't help!

1. Keep calm
2. Buy earplugs
3. Repeat mantra "It's a phase, it's a phase" as necessary

It will pass but while it's going on, it feels like forever...

So..no advice (except earplugs and mantra!), just a mutual support group.
Better than nothing I suppose! (Was hoping for a miracle cure though!)

I did hear some advice once which was whenever your toddler whinges (not sure how to spell it?!) tell them that you can't understand them when they whinge and to speak properly. Might be worth a try.

be prepared for the long haul girls - ds2 is 3.3 and still does this at times - huge tears this morning because I dared to flush the toilet whilst he was pulling his pants up

LOL Lambda - had that one too!!

We are all in the same boat, the HMS Whine. Here are some stategies that I have found have worked (a bit).

When dd asks for something in a whiney voice (makes me want to scream and CERTAINLY not give her what she is asking for), I say "ask me again in a happy voice" This I had to model for her for about 6 months solid almost every time she asked for something.
I would say "Please Mummy, can I have a drink/ a turn / a cuddle?" in an absurdly elated tone and only gave her what she wanted when she repeated it in a way that was vaguely non whiney. She is now so well trained that if I just say 'happy voice?' she does it. However, it is getting the first request to spontaneously issue from her mouth in a polite and non whiney way - that is the challenge. It will no doubt come one day, perhaps when she is 20. Along with please and thank you.

If it is something that I do not want to/ can't give her, I say no, plus the reason why not. And I mean it. I saw a Panorama documentary when she was a baby called 'how children get what they want' or something like that. What I remember most clearly is a mother going round a supermarket with a 3 year old who whined for everything - crisps, sweets, toys, biscuits and Mum said no no no all the way round. Then right at the end, she gave in and got her something. The shrink pundit on the programme said, and this has always stuck with me, that the child whined because she knew that eventually it would pay off. Rather like putting money into a one armed bandit, you keep doing it because you know that maybe, maybe, if you are lucky, you will win the jackpot. Whereas if you knew that all one armed bandits did was show a different set of fruits at each pull, you really wouldn't bother with them.
So, what I have always done is say no when I mean no. If she cries I tell her that that's fine, she can cry because she's upset or cross, but that it won't make any difference. Such a cow, I am. But it works - once she is told no, although she sometimes cries, she never whines on and on after I've told her.
Someone once told me 'you can't ignore whining, but you can pretend to'. Easier said than done but it is a good mantra to repeat to yourselves.

don't worry it will pass and then you'll have a break and then it will start again! - sorry! DD is 2.9 and going through yet another whingey phase and I'm not being very patient. Every time I ask her to do something it's 'No, No. No' or 'I don't like it'. she keeps telling me she needs to be a good girl and then isn't!!! I keep telling myself she's just asserting herself and testing the boundaries but Mummy is getting very sad!!!

Hate to tell you this, but there are several flourishing MN threads about...whingey three year olds.

Wish I could be like Cha.

YOu know how I was laughing about it earlier and being all matter of fact? DH has just brought the monsters in from swimming and ds2 is off again - 'waaaaaaah, waaaaaaaah' - HEEEEEELP!!! I want to run away!!!

Oh yes, ds1 is 3.5 and often asks for things in a really whiney voice. He doesn't get it until he speaks properly AND constructs the sentence properly. Sometimes he says 'I want a drink' and I say 'pardon?' and he says 'please' - no, he has go right back to the start and say 'please may I have a drink Mummy' - am I evil?

No G'goose, I do exactly the same, it's the only way. He still tries it on with the whinge and whine though. But I heard him saying to one of his toys yesterday whilst he was serving them a pretend dinner, 'if you want a mini-milk you have to ask me nicely because whingeing and whining gets you nothing!' so I think it is sinking in

LOL!! That's funny!! Actually, ds1 says things like that to ds2 as well!

No, I think it's right to encourage them to construct the whole sentence. I don't know where he's got this 'drink!' demand from - not from home anyway - wonder if it's someone at nursery?

I'm in the same boat. Dd, 26 months, has just learnt how to be very negative after having been wonderfully positive so far! What I find most infuriating is the impossibility of pleasing her. She'll whine 'mummy carry me' over and over and the minute I pick her up she yells 'mummy put me down!' It's the same with loads of things. I've been wondering actually how much to indulge her endless requests for things.

Bluemoon - don't!!! She is testing her boundaries isn't she!?

Hard though I know - when ds2 asks for his dummy I'm afraid I just give it to him when I should be weaning him off it at this age. I just haven't got the energy with 3 under 4 to be coping with tantrums because I say 'no' to his dummy. Better he shuts up for all of us!

Can I board the HMS Whine please? Ds (2 and 3 months) is driving me up the wall at the moment. Or maybe I'm just fed up because he was awake screaming from 2am until 5:30am this morning. Baggy eyes for me.

I use the same techniques cha describes, with reasonable success. I also say "Does that ever work?" rather a lot. It seems to help.

I have a strong-minded friend who used to have the whingiest prima-donna of a 2.5 yr-old DD. After constant reinforcing of the 'whingeing gets you nowhere but asking nicely might' message, she now has a feisty, forthright, confident and (largely) well-mannered 5 year-old.

Throw me a lifejacket - I'm boarding too! My DD (25 months) is driving me insane with her whining. Doesn't help that we have a new baby thrown into the mix. I just keep telling myself, "This too shall pass!"

It will, it does--although just when you have got them to speak to you nicely without whining for one whole morning, you can bet the potty training will go to, er...pot