Tell me what it’s really like - having second dc

[Lolarosemama]

38 weeks pregnant and lying awake with hideous indigestion so obviously mumsnet was the place to come 😆

I have a 2.5y/o and csection booked for no2 next week, so excited but obviously nervous too for the change in dynamic and routine.

I’d love to hear your stories of going from 1-2 dc, especially if it was toddler and newborn. Tell me all, the good, bad, and ugly!

Hi! Hope you feel better soon OP.
I went from 1 to 3 as had twins 5 months ago.
DD is 3... its a bit of a whirlwind esp the first 3 months while getting into the swing of it. Now DTs are approaching 6m we have a good routine going and everyone is getting some sleep it all seems a bit easier.
Also had a csection with good recovery so I hope that for you too.
Things that made it easier... teamwork with DH, taking it in turns to watch the DTs in the night so one did 8pm-1am and then swap 1am-6am during that first 3m period, having realistic expectations on what will happen night time wise, involving DD with "big sister" jobs and giving undivided attention to her while DTs slept.
Overall I actually found it an easier adjustment than from 0 -1 as have the confidence of having done this before (albeit 2 babies are a tad more full on!) And also less of a "lifestyle" change for me personally anyway.
Good luck with everything next week and for the changes in your family to come.

Less of a shell shock, just more work no downtime. Lovely seeing them together, but constantly feeling like you're not meeting either of their needs properly. All good - they'll be best buddies hopefully

DC1 was 8 when DC2 was born and it was such a lovely age gap. DC1 was a brilliant helper and loved getting involved in bath time and feeding (not so much nappy changing!) she was such a proud big sister and that was lovely to watch. DC3 came along when DC2 was 2yo….that was…different! 😂 DC2 refused to a knowledge DC3 at first and it took a few months for 2 to realise 3 was staying! Fast forward a few years and they were good play mates and very protective over each other. Now at 13 & 15 they bicker constantly but love each other very much 😀

I have a 3.5 year old and my newborn is a few days short of 1 month old. I am still on cloud nine. The newborn stage was survival the first time, didn't enjoy it and just felt shell shocked, sleep deprived and overwhelmed. I had braced myself for a similar experience but have had a completely different one. Just last night my husband said how I seem the happiest I have in years, I feel it! I feel complete. I can't believe I have two gorgeous healthy boys. The baby is a dream, he's beautiful, I just stare at him and want to happy cry! My 3 year old has been a diamond with him, so gentle and loving, he adores being a big brother. He's just slotted right in to be honest. Breastfeeding has been a lovely experience this time, it all happened easily unlike last time and I'm really enjoying it. I don't know if my happy love bubble is going to pop at some point, but I'm enjoying it whilst I'm in it!

I will add a disclaimer that my 3.5 year old is in school nursery for 3 half days and 2 full days.. so if you have two at home all the time it might be slightly more full on than my experience! We have lazy mornings in bed feeding and watching Netflix, or lazing on the sofa and then in the afternoon baby is in the sling and we're either off out doing things with the 3yo or playing with him at home. It's been utterly perfect ♥️

And I'm having this great a time even after a c-section and a poorly baby who was airlifted elsewhere without me and spent nearly a week in high dependency! He's fine now! Maybe it's made me more appreciative!

Like @YouPutTheScrewInTheTuna I went from one to three with twins. I felt more confidant second time round - even with twins. I actually found it easier and was more relaxed x

More relaxed. Didn't throw the unused milk away at exactly 3 hours old. Didn't be write each feed down. More tiring obviously m. Couldn't decide which to go to first or who to take downstairs first. I'm autistic though. Cried at the thought of having no alone time with dd1 but soon forgot that.

I could have written this word for word when my youngest was one month old! My experience was almost identical.

Unfortunately that’s when the first lockdown hit and it all went a bit pear shaped, but that’s another story.

There have been tough moments but overall I’m so glad we went for it.

Nothing I’ve encountered in parenting two children is as hideous as pregnancy heartburn!

I have a bigger age gap, almost 5 years, but going from 1 to 2 children wasn’t the shock to the system that having the first was.

When you have your first you go from being a couple to a family, you become a parent for the first time, which hit me like a sledgehammer! When no2 came along, whilst life was busier, we had gone from a family with 1 child to a family with 2 children, we’d already done the transition to being parents.

it didn’t stop post natal depression hitting me like a train again 🙄, but there was definitely no feeling of “what have I done”

Some bits were better but a lot of bits were harder than the first time around. My maternity leave with my first was great, could sleep when I wanted to, only needed to focus on the baby and everything was interesting as it was the first time around. I spent a lot of time at baby groups and made some good friends. Second time around I was trying to juggle all the newborn stuff whilst having a 2 year old as well and often feeling like I wasn't getting it right for either. The main problem was I could no longer nap when the baby napped as I had a toddler to look after as well (they were in nursery a couple of days which helped.) I'm sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear but the reason I'm telling you is because I heard a lot of '1 to 2 is easy' and 'you already know what you're doing' etc and when I found myself struggling with it I felt a massive failure and put off getting help for way too long. I ended up with PND which I didn't have with my first.

Somehow this is the most encouraging one yet 😂❤️ gives me hope!

Please don’t be sorry, this is why I asked!! I need real stories and not just the good experiences. It means I can be encouraged and have hope, but also be rational and adjust expectations when things are harder. I hope you’re doing.m really well now ❤️❤️

I have a 5 month old and 3.5 year old. Baby slotted in like a dream right from the start, some days it's hard deciding who's needs must come first at that exact moment but it will only ever be a couple of minutes of moaning from one of them. I'm much more laid back this time and taking everything in my stride.
My Best advice is to get out and still take toddler to their normal activities, keep a sense of normality and baby 'ideally' slots in and sleeps through it 😂 (not always the case of course) good luck!

Does it depend on the baby? I was never able to nap when DS napped, as he’d only sleep on me, or in the pram, car seat etc.

Mine is due mid July, and ds will be 2 years 7 months. I can imagine the winter will be tough.

I don't want to be bleak, just realistic. Everyone told me that the jump from 1 to 2 would be easy...honestly, I have never found anything harder. DS2 has just been a difficult child from the minute he was born, problems feeding, sleeping, settling etc and all this when my DS1 was in the middle of the terrible 2's. The lack of sleep drove me crazy and just the feeling over being overwhelmed constantly. It didn't help that it was lockdown and I had no support (husband works long long hours), no other family to help, and all the nurseries closed due to Covid so I had both kids 24/7 and nowhere to go.

But the good side is that it is getting easier everyday. They are 2 and 4 now and I can see how fun things are getting and will be in the future. Life will never be as easy as it was with just 1, but it's definitely interesting and full of love!

I am due baby no 2 soon when DS will be 3.5! I am so pleased to read your post! I really do see a difference in DS now he's in his 3rd year. We waited until he was 2 and 3/4 before trying because he was sooo terrible at 2, I remember friends having 2 year gaps and I thought they were crazy because it looked so hard.
I'm hoping to enjoy baby 2 as much as you 😊

I think anyone would find that hard, @crazysausagespart2 . Even with ‘easy’ children, you need some respite or a break.

I had a 2.5 year gap between mine and found it ok really. My eldest was really hard work as a toddler and baby seemed easy by comparison. She loved watching what her big sister was toddling around doing so was easier to entertain.

I was much more confident second time round and doing nappies, feeding etc seemed easy.

The hardest thing was lack of sleep as I needed to give my toddler attention when the baby napped rather than being able to catch up myself.