DS being isolated at school, what can I do?

[Crastinator]

Long story short - DS recently diagnosed ASD and ADHD, yr6 has had some challenges at school (particularly since Covid) - emotional dysregulation, anxiety, outbursts, overwhelm. Couple of incidences with other children (six and two threes in my view, DS always gets the blame as he tends to drama). Last term he swore at a teacher for which he was excluded for a week and since has been in permanent internal exclusion - alone with a member of staff all day every day, not allowed out to play.

DS started medication about a month ago and which has made a huge difference to his focus and impulse control. He's trying his best, working hard, behaving perfectly, but Head still won't let him back in the classroom, or ANY socialising. Today I found that I can't book him into a club - vetoed by the head, nobody questions his authority. It feels personal, like they're trying to break DS's spirit. I've written to the governors and told they have "limited powers". I've spoken to ed psych who says playtime is a right, not to be used as sanction. The timetable is supposed to be reviewed every week but nothing changes (or very little - he was "allowed" lunch with a friend one day this week).

Does anybody know what the guidance should be in this situation? I feel bullied, my concerns about DS wellbeing and MH just dismissed. I speak to the SENCO and she just shrugs. It's infuriating, upsetting, stressful. I don't know whether DS will cope in HS with his medication because I just don't know how he can manage in the classroom. DS doesn't understand at this point why he's still being punished but I can see he's resigned to it. It's all so sad and I don't know what to do. I want to complain to Ofsted but fear that'll just make things worse for him.

That's awful. Please do not send your child in until that is overturned. They are supposed to be reasonable adjustments for him. Definitely OFSTED and council perhaps. I don't know how these things work exactly. I am so angry on your behalf. My son and other ADHD kids were treated poorly at primary, not as bad as this. Just overlooked and pigeon holed. Secondary has been great. Really flourished and treated like an individual and nutured. I hope you find a better place for next year.

What clubs is he not being allowed in? Surely if after school ones head has no 'veteo' powers here!

The breakfast club (I WFH mostly but office on odd occasion). I had emailed the club directly as he used to go to after school, didn't get a response so called and told that the "management" has changed and now all bookings have to go through the office / head. Let's say it was quite obvious why they couldn't accommodate

You need to fight this. They need to make adjustments for him and cannot penalise based on send alone. This seems very extreme just for swearing at a teacher so keep making a fuss.

Sorry, you also need to review their exclusion policy, as well as behaviour. Use these to prove they are nit following policy. Then follow their complaints policy.

I would refuse to send my child until this was sorted - I would write to the Educational Welfare Officer about why - and would be following the formal complaints policy.

I'd do some more digging, while our breakfast club is held at the school its an independent company who hire the hall, nothing to do with the school!
Does he have a 1:1 or anything? Be prepared that they then switch to say 'oh but ratios'.
So sorry you and your boy have this stress.

And another thing, all of the above have to be made available to you.

It feels personal, like they're trying to break DS's spirit.

Not exactly, no they're trying to get this response:

Please do not send your child in until that is overturned

Or better still have you remove him all together without them having to make any effort with him or have an exclusion on their record.

It sounds as if your ds is quite a handful in class and quite possibly there have been other parental complaints which is why they're doing this to save any further issues.
However, no child deserves to be treated like this.
Firstly, I'd suggest you meet with the SENCO and/or head teacher and explain that you aren't willing to put up with the situation long term.
Ask them to explain in detail what has been tried and what is their plan so you can get back into class.
Does he have an EHCP? If not, you need to start the assessment process if he does then they need to demonstrate how they are meeting the requirements outlined in it.
Could you investigate ASD or ADHD support groups in your area and see if they can offer a representative to come along to the meeting to offer advice?
Also, you can contact your local authority SEND team for advice and support. Details will be on the council website under "local offer".
Basically, get other professionals involved in your meetings which will give the school a gentle nudge to actually make a plan rather than shrugging.
It may be, in the longer term, that this school does not meet your son's needs but they do need to put the effort in and demonstrate this properly rather than continuously punishing him until you take him away.
Good luck.

Thanks for responding. I did keep him home for a bit, to get his meds stable, but DS wants to be in school, especially now he's managing so much better with the work.
So glad yours having a better experience now at HS x

Your child is being treated disgracefully.

Please contact SENDIASS in your area for advice.

Please also contact the Local Authority SEND team and let them know what's happening.

Does your ds have an EHCP?

They sound like a school that are absolutely shit with send children and are trying to force your hand. They believe that if they bully you and your child you will eventually remove him and save them from having to make adjustments and support for him.

I've worked in a school like this and it happened far too often.

I now work in a place that is the complete opposite. I've been sworn at by a child (more than once, always when they are completely disregulated) and to even think of sanctioning to such an extreme level is ridiculous!

I really feel for you and your child. The school are failing him massively.

Thank you. Yes, that is their agenda, I'm certain of it. And yes, he is a handful. Ofc I don't want to believe other parents have complained as generally those I've spoken to are supportive and agree he's being treated unfairly and misunderstood. But it's a possibility. I am waiting to hear re EHCP but didn't know to involve professionals in meetings with the school. Will see about this, thanks.

"I'd suggest you meet with the SENCO and/or head teacher and explain that you aren't willing to put up with the situation long term.
Ask them to explain in detail what has been tried and what is their plan so you can get back into class."

I have had SO many meetings and asked exactly this. Brick wall

I know, which is why you need to get other people involved, particularly your local authority SEND team.
In a meeting just with you, they can ignore/fob you off but they may well put a bit more effort in when others are involved.

Thank you, I will