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Parenting

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Original poster

How did you decide time to have 2nd?

18 replies

sunnnay · 22/02/2023 10:00

I’m so broody atm. I keep thinking about discussing coming off my pill

our DC is 14mo and if I got pregnant immediately it’d be just under 2 year age gap or more close to 2 I think (as I’ve got weeks to finish on this pill cycle which I’d do and then have to ovulate etc)

but I just feel it’s a very small gap and that scares me? There’s pros such as playing together similarish interests and lots of the very hard stuff out the way

but it just terrifies me! Why do I feel it’s not doable is that my gut saying wait a bit longer?

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Putitsimply · 22/02/2023 10:08

That’s not a small gap. That’s a normal gap. I always wanted less than two years -roughly about 18 months to 23 months. We started to try for our second when our first was 12 months old and I was pregnant immediately. They’re 21 months apart, which is perfect.

Original poster

sunnnay · 22/02/2023 10:13

@Putitsimply how is it like overall?

I feel it would be so nice but I don’t know what terrifies me so much? Like I’m worried I’d struggle so much

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Lkydfju · 22/02/2023 10:13

We have a 3 year gap; I was ready when my youngest was 18 months to start trying but due to practicalities we decided to wait another 6 months. I think that’s fine as a gap, anything more than 2 years would be doable for me

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20viona · 22/02/2023 10:16

We have 3 years 2 months between ours and it's worked out great. Older one got free hours at nursery as youngest was born and will start school just before I go back to work so will get to take her for the first month and settle youngest into nursery. We started trying Nov 2021, miscarried dec 2021 and got pregnant Jan 2022 so was very quick.

escapingthecity · 22/02/2023 10:17

Changed job and had to wait until I qualified for enhanced maternity pay in the new role. Would have liked a smaller gap but that's just how it rolled.

20viona · 22/02/2023 10:17

Also 3 year old understands when baby needs priority and is super helpful! Loves her to bits.

Putitsimply · 22/02/2023 10:18

sunnnay · 22/02/2023 10:13

@Putitsimply how is it like overall?

I feel it would be so nice but I don’t know what terrifies me so much? Like I’m worried I’d struggle so much

If you are worried, I might suggest hold off a little. My first baby was a very, very easy baby- slept through from eight weeks etc -and I was more than ready for a second. My second baby was harder. But everything is much, much easier with a small gap. The first few months were quite hard, but as life goes on, it’s easier and easier.

SalviaOfficinalis · 22/02/2023 10:24

We’re going to start TTC soon - gap will hopefully be just under 3 years.

Haven’t tried earlier as up until a few months ago my DS still required a LOT of carrying around. It’s better now he’s 21 months, but before then if he was tired/hungry/ill/upset he would want to be carried around the house and he’s very heavy so I didn’t fancy doing it pregnant.

He also had a tricky patch with his sleep a few months ago so we were too exhausted to even think about TTC.

mrsed1987 · 22/02/2023 10:24

I wanted to really enjoy my first, he was a very easy baby and toddler lol. So we have just started trying and he is 4, so will be closer to 5 if we conceive soonish.

I decided I wanted him to be at school and then I'd be able to have a year off around a similar time which would mean less breakfast and after school clubs lol

There isn't a right or wrong, it's what works for you and your family.

32WindsorGardensBinLorry · 22/02/2023 10:35

Our gap was fairly NHS dictated as it was led by when the referrals came through for the treatment, however we are lucky it is the gap we wanted - 3y2 months.

It’s been great as eldest can follow commands and be helpful, gets free hours in nursery and will be starting school just as I am finishing mat leave so I can do the short days/settling in phase. We have just been able to manage without getting a double buggy.

As you know things don’t always go to plan, sometimes TTC can take longer than expected and there can be losses. But also sometimes it does so if you do start TTC it could work quickly too.

fairtrauchled · 22/02/2023 10:39

3yrs 5 months between my DC.Was trying for around a 3 yr gap.
as I didn't want 2 in nappies at the same time or to have to use a double buggy.Also DC1 wasn't the greatest at sleeping so wanted to try getting them sleeping through the night without coming into our bed first which they did 10 months before DC2 arrived. DC1 was brilliant with their sibling from day one,wanting to cuddle and help with bottle feeding and fetch things I needed for DC2.Nearly 30 yrs later they are still very close .

chronictonic · 22/02/2023 10:39

I was terrified to have another one but knew we wanted another one one say. Waited too long and never managed to have one.
Have accepted it now - but I woul do it differently in another life.

Novita · 22/02/2023 10:53

We didn't use any contraception after ds was born. I was breastfeeding and had no periods. I got pregnant when ds was 15 months.

bakewellbride · 22/02/2023 13:12

We have a 3.5 year gap and that's been best for us.

2 years is definitely a small gap. Nothing wrong with that, it's just a fact. Sure it may work great for some but there's no denying it's small and 3.5 is best for our family as when dd was born ds was in preschool every morning which helped a lot.

Wingingit2019 · 22/02/2023 13:54

Similar to PP we have a 3 year gap as we waited until DS1 would be getting free nursery hours. It’s worked out well as I get to spend 1:1 time with baby and DS1 gets to go and enjoy being at nursery on days when he would have been stuck inside whilst I cluster fed etc. we only send him 3 days a week so still get time with him to. It’s hard in the first few weeks but gets easier and easier as time goes on!

Doesnthaveaphd · 22/02/2023 14:00

When I could afford to. When DC1 was in school.

We couldn’t have afforded 2 lots of nursery fees at once. Not without coming on here and starting a thread about my nursery fees being more than my salary and me not being able to work 😂

There are pros and cons to every age gap and having them close in age doesn’t necessarily mean they will be close. The most important factors to consider are your age and finances IMO.

Dyra · 22/02/2023 14:00

I wanted a minimum of 2y6m.

However the baby rabies bit hard where as (unlikely as it would have been) if I'd fallen pregnant immediately there would only have been 2y2m difference. I figured it was close enough and was the same age difference between myself and my sister. Plus I have PCOS that required Clomid to conceive my first, so I was gearing myself up for needing it again. In short, nothing about the gap worried me, when it had before. That's how I knew I was definitely ready.

As it happens it took a grand total of 5 months to conceive. Eight months of pregnancy later, I got my 2y6m gap.

Listen to your gut. A few months can make a huge difference at this age.

WildCherryBlossom · 22/02/2023 14:40

2 years is a very normal gap. I read somewhere that in communities where no birth control methods are practised the average gap between births is 2 years as that is how our bodies naturally work. I have a 2 year gap between my first 2 children and they are very good friends as well as siblings but I think that is partly luck and personality types.

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