I want to enjoy being a mum more then I do

[ExcitingTimes2021]

I hate that I’m writing this. But I, while I love my daughter with all my heart, I just struggle so much just being a mother. I i truly truly want to enjoy it, every second but honestly it’s just too hard.

little girl is 18 months old. Already started tantruming frequently, full on tantrums, head banging, throwing self on floor, screaming etc. She doesn’t sleep well and I work full time so always so tired. still breastfed and wants it ALL THE TIME - she is so hard to say no to/distract when she sets her mind on booby time. eats well at nursery, or with dad but plays up for me, I struggle to do anything nice with her as if things aren’t going exactly her way she melts down. Example - tried to make pancakes tonight… she loved wisking the batter but screamed when I had to take it off her to actually cook them. Distracted her with a bowl of water for her to mix, then she Refused to even try them, threw them all over the kitchen then screamed when I tried to actually eat something myself.

The days are so long and boring as I’m constantly looking for stuff to do with her, but she doesn’t stay entertained for long. Won’t stay in the pram any more so struggling to get out and about with her without melt downs. She is just generally a high needs, clingy and cranky toddler. Never happy to play with her toys on her own for a bit, I have to be on the floor with her at all times. I see other mums enjoying motherhood so much with their lovely chill toddlers and I just struggle so much. With every thing it feels. I’m just failing. What am I doing so wrong?

why can’t I just find more joy in my day? She amazes me every day with how much new stuff she learns everyday and I do love spending time with her and watching her grow. Im just struggling so much. I have no independence anymore as I’m always at work or with her. Minimal family support. We pay for childcare so we can work but can’t afford any extra days. Dad is great with her but we are both shift workers so we don’t get to spend much time together as a family, and never any ‘us’ time.

I really want to love motherhood… it breaks my heart that I just don’t. I know there are spelling and grammar mistakes but I’m just rambling to get it all out.

I love my children- I hate the 18 months- 3 years old stage- my youngest is 2. I think 18 months is incredibly young to expect to do activities such as baking, even focused colouring will be a challenge. My advice is keep it physical - parks/ soft plays- it’s about surviving the days. Solidarity it’s a painful age!

Hi, I could have written your message. 16mo here.
I think it's really hard to find joy in these days, they aren't very joyful! I have hope in a year or so more activities will be easier. Until then I second the pp suggestion of taking them somewhere physical to explore. I've tried to lower my expectations of the days as well - no way I'd try baking or anything like that as I know I'd be disappointed. It is hard though, isn't it.

It can be very hard at times when you’re in the midst of it all. The only advice I can offer is that this will be just a phase.

We used to joke about our toddler saying that we’d just got used to managing one set of behaviours when they moved onto another phase.

I am an introvert and my Dd was an extrovert and at times I found it very difficult. She needed constant, constant activity and attention, and was very determined and headstrong.

However this behaviour as a toddler and young child was a fabulous asset as she got older. She is now an adult and her life couldn’t be better.

I love the very bones of her. My mantra used to be “This too shall pass”

When you say you see other mums, do you mean in real life or on social media? Because sm is all lies ;)

What happens if you push all the expectations to one side, stop trying to cram in activities and just be in the moment, accepting that what she might need is to bring you a whole load of gringe she's been saving up at nursery? Take time to observe her, breathe a bit deeper and don't judge everything as to whether it's meeting a standard you set yourself.

With motherhood, there's enjoyment because you're having fun but there's also the rewarding feeling of knowing your meeting your child's needs, even if it's not always a fun experience.

Eg we've recently been through a trauma with one DC being very ill. The dc are taking turns to get very angry with me. It's not fun but I know it's them processing their feelings and I need to make a safe space for them to do that. It's rewarding to be able to provide what they need, even if it's also shit being shouted at etc.

Bf and wanting you all the time is your dd's way of reconnecting. Can you just lean into it and accept it's what she needs? Working full time with a toddler is hard, but it is how it is. It does ease up in time.

You can also try using a sand timer and saying you'll have a break while the sand goes etc, then build it up to longer - works with some kids.

Ps if bf is too much, set a clear rule about it rather than just hoping she'll do it less. So eg you could feed when you first see her and at bedtime but not in-between. If she asks then say when the next feed will be. Within a few days she should accept it.