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Remind me when a newborn gets a bit easier

49 replies

Februaryschild2023 · 21/02/2023 19:11

10 days postpartum with my second and have hit a bit of a sleep deprivation wall. Please remind me of when things start to improve a bit to give me hope!

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Ihatethenewlook · 21/02/2023 22:07

Lijay · 21/02/2023 20:33

Y'all that comment '18 years old' and think you're being helpful are wild 🤣
Its simply not true. I think you may have forgotten how gruelling the newborn stage is.
Deffo gets better 10-12 weeks ish then 3-4 months waaaay easier.

Well that’s not true at all. Can you speak for every mother in the world? My eldest was the hardest by far, only started to get easier at around age 3 years old, god knows why I had more after her. Luckily my second was more laid back and got easier from around 16 weeks plus. My youngest was by far the easiet, no trouble at all to look after in the day. Was just tired from the night feeds which started dropping about 12 weeks.

Emptycrackedcup · 22/02/2023 02:45

Lijay · 21/02/2023 20:33

Y'all that comment '18 years old' and think you're being helpful are wild 🤣
Its simply not true. I think you may have forgotten how gruelling the newborn stage is.
Deffo gets better 10-12 weeks ish then 3-4 months waaaay easier.

I didn't mean it to be mean, it's just mine is 19m and I found the newborn stage the easiest so far. So much harder when they can move and eat like a garbage disposal.
My newborn was easy, sleep, eat and repeat. A cute little blob that didn't move, now he's still cute but barely sits still for a minute! I'm still waiting for things to get easier!

loopyloutoo · 22/02/2023 03:43

17 days pp here and losing the will to live - clinging on to your positive comments here so keep them coming please!
FTM, I knew people said it was hard but wow - it's true when they say that nothing will prepare you for it!

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Bagsundermyeyestoday · 22/02/2023 04:49

loopyloutoo · 22/02/2023 03:43

17 days pp here and losing the will to live - clinging on to your positive comments here so keep them coming please!
FTM, I knew people said it was hard but wow - it's true when they say that nothing will prepare you for it!

I think what makes it so hard is that suddenly you have to look after a baby and no matter how many courses or books nothing can prepare you. Plus hormones. Plus your body has just birthed a baby! Add on sleep deprivation. Don't worry you'll get through it Flowers

Bizzyone · 22/02/2023 04:51

Following to give me hope 😅🙈

TerfIngOnTheBeach · 22/02/2023 05:10

Four.

when they start school.

at least for DS it was.

DD didn’t wake up until she went to school.

Its the luck of the draw.

Coco9910 · 22/02/2023 05:17

WhimBarWhey · 21/02/2023 19:19

I'm at 6 months and it's still not great. Dunno what I'm doing wrong, I really hope you get some sleep soon OP x

@WhimBarWhey I’m with you there. 6.5 months and waking up every 1-2 hours for the last few weeks and no idea why or how to fix it.

FebMama · 22/02/2023 05:32

Up with my 3.5 week old who just won't settle tonight. Staying hopeful!

bussteward · 22/02/2023 08:32

Checking in because my eight-week old who I’d decided was easy (I jinxed it!) slept reasonably well last night but I didn’t because he spent all night THRASHING and FLAILING before finally delivering a tidal wave of a poonami at 6am, after which he finally stayed still to sleep, but by the time we’d changed him, the sheets, the changing mat, the sleeping bag… it was time to get up to get DD to nursery. As I recall it gets easier once their digestive systems can cope with the concept of doing a poo quietly.

MissJam · 22/02/2023 11:47

Coco9910 · 22/02/2023 05:17

@WhimBarWhey I’m with you there. 6.5 months and waking up every 1-2 hours for the last few weeks and no idea why or how to fix it.

With you both - 5.5 months, barely had a stretch longer than 2 hours since the week before Christmas...

BabyOnBoard90 · 22/02/2023 14:03

Not sure how people suggest 18, it's definitely 19 years old if I'm going by my younger siblings.

Based on my own 9 month old. It feels like once you settle one issue another challenge emerges. Just a series of things to address and I've made peace with the fact that this will be it.

Bizzyone · 23/02/2023 07:17

@bussteward yes!!! 8wk old noisy sleeper here 😬🙈🥴

FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 23/02/2023 07:22

Coco9910 · 22/02/2023 05:17

@WhimBarWhey I’m with you there. 6.5 months and waking up every 1-2 hours for the last few weeks and no idea why or how to fix it.

My 2 year old still wakes every 2 hours and that’s totally normal too!

Sleep isn’t linear, it’s developmental.

Februaryschild2023 · 23/02/2023 09:04

Haha thank you, there's (some) hope here!
I remember all the regressions but feel like they're easier to cope with if you have a little glimmer of hope beforehand (ie you know it can be easier!) I'm aiming for the 10-12 week mark...

OP posts:
FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 23/02/2023 09:06

Februaryschild2023 · 23/02/2023 09:04

Haha thank you, there's (some) hope here!
I remember all the regressions but feel like they're easier to cope with if you have a little glimmer of hope beforehand (ie you know it can be easier!) I'm aiming for the 10-12 week mark...

You know sleep is developmental and not linear right? And that usually, 3 months old is the best a baby’s sleep will be for the entire first year?

sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/07/24/the-rollercoaster-of-real-baby-sleep/

Februaryschild2023 · 23/02/2023 09:15

Ta, yes, have had a newborn before. Even one night of better sleep would set me up better for the next period of shit sleep, so I'll cling onto that

OP posts:
FoxInSocksSatOnBlocks · 23/02/2023 09:32

Februaryschild2023 · 23/02/2023 09:15

Ta, yes, have had a newborn before. Even one night of better sleep would set me up better for the next period of shit sleep, so I'll cling onto that

Where’s your husband in all of this?

You shouldn’t be placing unrealistic expectations on your baby, but you should be having your husband step up to the plate.

Twiglets1 · 23/02/2023 09:34

When they go to uni.

jk - when they start to sleep better through the night and you get some actual good quality sleep again.

bussteward · 23/02/2023 09:40

DD’s sleep marked up on that chart for scientific comparison

Remind me when a newborn gets a bit easier
Lijay · 23/02/2023 10:10

Ihatethenewlook · 21/02/2023 22:07

Well that’s not true at all. Can you speak for every mother in the world? My eldest was the hardest by far, only started to get easier at around age 3 years old, god knows why I had more after her. Luckily my second was more laid back and got easier from around 16 weeks plus. My youngest was by far the easiet, no trouble at all to look after in the day. Was just tired from the night feeds which started dropping about 12 weeks.

sigh

No I'm not speaking for every mother in the world. My advice doesn't count for parents with easy newborns. But the thing is those parents don't come on Mumsnet and ask when it gets easier (perhaps they come on Mumsnet and tell parents with more difficult newborns that it will be exactly this hard for 18 years)

Yes sleep isn't linear but the OP clearly stated this is second child so so knows that, she knows all the challenges like weaning and crawling that's not what the post was about
Thing is nappy changes get less often. They stop pooing at night and we all know a wet nappy change is much easier than a dirty one. By time they are in size 3-4 nappies those nappies last a whole night and don't leak. Feeds get further apart, they become more predictable. You learn your babies quirks. They will be put in a bouncer for maybe 10 minutes. These things DO make it easier. You may also get the odd good night which is a massive change to the newborn stage where they have their night and days the wrong way round. The smiles and giggles and learning new skills make it seem easier because it suddenly gets rewarding.

I understand if you had an easy newborn this may not apply to you. But do you really think commenting on a mums post who likely doesn't have an easy newborn and telling her it doesn't get better for 18 years is helpful?

NP0606 · 23/02/2023 10:31

Everyone kept telling me ‘this is the easy bit’ when I struggled with my newborn. So far, NOTHING has been as hard as those first 2 months. Yes my LO is only 9 nearly 10 months old, yes things will get hard again. But that relentless feeding, the endless crying, the hours and hours awake at night and no smiles to make it all worth while? Horrific.
Sometimes she wakes up every 2 hours now. Sometimes she sleeps 9 hours in a row. She’s crawling, standing, pulling everything on top of her, smearing food over freshly painted walls. It’s still a million times easier than that first 10 weeks for me.

Babyboomtastic · 23/02/2023 10:31

First child = yellow
Second child = purple.

And I kind of wonder where the next few years are on that chart 😂

It's a myth that feeds always get further apart, become more predictable etc. It's true for some babies, not for others. Some (like my first) come out with nights and days the right way round, and sleep only becomes rubbish later. We didn't get random good nights until nearer a year (after 4m)

The OPs sleep is likely to improve within the next few years, and have some good phases hopefully a lot sooner. I don't think saying 12 weeks is any more or less helpful than saying 18y. It depends so much on the child.

MN is rubbish for this sort of thing because so many of us are in our own little world of sleep deprivation, and it's hard to look beyond that. I saw every hour last night, and maybe managed 4 hours broken, up with my nearly 4yo. I haven't slept for a 2 hour stretch yet this week, and am trying to concentrate on work. So the idea of sleep becoming and staying good after a few months is alien to me. The person that's up every hour with their 1yo, who reads that it's 'much easier when they are 1 because they sleep' is likely to post a cranky answer.

I think deep down we all appreciate that rubbish sleep is awful and that being catapulted back into no sleep land is hell, but we're all so tired as a group that is hard to avoid the 'I'm most tired' game.

💐 to all the fellow sleep deprived mums out there who are blinking yo stay awake, whether your child is 4 days or 4 years. Once day we'll sleep again apparently

Plantlady10 · 23/02/2023 10:44

I know people always say it gets harder, but I've got a 14 month old and have found it's just got better (..so far!). Yes I need to keep an eye on him more, but he's actually a little person now who can choose toys, interact with me, learns new skills, understands things I say.

I found the newborn so hard, the first few weeks he wanted feeding every 30 mins-2 hours (breastfeeding so all on me too). I remember googling 'I hate my baby' in the middle of the night, I was so awfully tired. I agree that once they start sleeping better that changes things (yes sleep isn't linear and my boy has never slept though the night, but it's so much better than it was)

I also didn't feel that 'rush of love' which didn't help, once I started feeling the love (took a few months) that also made things better.

Cosleeping and babywearing have been my biggest help

scarecrow22 · 23/02/2023 15:53

When they leave home. I hope.

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