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Parenting

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Original poster

Am i being selfish?

17 replies

Onemyownhere · 21/02/2023 18:25

Hi all, i know this will sound very hypocritical, but lately i don't want to be around any pregnant women, women who are younger than me or newborn babies i prefer it if i meet mums that have children my sons age or lil older (his 2 years old),just wanted to know if im being inconciderate

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StopFeckingFaffing · 21/02/2023 18:28

Depends on your reasons really and whether you are limiting opportunities for your DS with your preference

Jojobees · 21/02/2023 18:31

I don’t think you are being inconsiderate but you are possibly doing yourself and your son out of some lovely friendships.
How are you deciding the other mums ages? By looks?

Original poster

Onemyownhere · 21/02/2023 18:32

@StopFeckingFaffing ,Tbh there isnt any valid reason, my son goes soft play and nursery, we also go to nursery trips, but people have told me that i need female friends as i don't have any friends since moving to the area, but personally i am happy bymyself, just worried my thoughts will effect ds in the future

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IglesiasPiggl · 21/02/2023 18:33

What will you do when the friends with kids your son's age have another baby? Are you planning any more yourself?

Original poster

Onemyownhere · 21/02/2023 18:35

@Jojobees No its definitely not about looks its just that in my experience being around people younger than me they just tend to want to do things that i once was doing in my teens. Like going out to bars

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MrsBunnyEars · 21/02/2023 18:35

It seems very shortsighted - young children’s friendships are often based on their parents’ networks, and it gives you fewer

Elieza · 21/02/2023 18:36

I know what you said. But are you deliberately keeping away from certain people because they remind you that you’re not currently pregnant and you want to be?

You can be friendly to anyone you know. Not sure that whether or not they have kids should be relevant to your friendship with them. Although I can imagine your child would prefer to be pals with other children rather than adults.

MrsBunnyEars · 21/02/2023 18:37

posted too soon

…. It gives you fewer options for backup if you want help with childcare.

If you truly don’t want friends that’s fine, just make sure you’re not isolating your son as well as yourself.

Choconut · 21/02/2023 18:40

I was pregnant at 30 and definitely not going out to bars! So maybe it's just about wanting to mix with older people who are more settled and family orientated?

IglesiasPiggl · 21/02/2023 18:41

Whilst it might be fine now, you will probably need to make more effort once he starts school. If you are dismissive of everyone, your DS is less likely to be invited on playdates and people will be less inclined to help out during the holidays eg by taking your DS out for the day.

Original poster

Onemyownhere · 21/02/2023 18:52

@Choconut That's exactly how i feel i just prefer if i mx with people that are more family oriented not stating that just because u are young u cant be but my experience has been that older women seem to give really good advise and are not judgemental.. They seem to understand me and genuinely want to talk to me

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Original poster

Onemyownhere · 21/02/2023 18:55

@Elieza I definitely dont want to be pregnant as i don't even have a partner and i am not financially settled to have another, i just think maybe is because i don't want to get pregnant that's why and being around babies and pregnant women, my mindset will say awww they are soo cute i wounder what it will be like if i have another... Idm meeting up with people that no children but i don't want them to feel uncomfortable as i will have my son (single mum, no help)

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Elieza · 21/02/2023 19:00

Sounds like you’ve gotten to that stage when your baby grows up a bit that your hormones want you to get broody again.

You know you can’t and that’s sensible.

So you avoid seeing such things as it hurts too much as you know you would like that too.

Sorry OP. Hopefully you will be in a better position in the future and can look forward to another baby of your own in due course.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 21/02/2023 19:04

No you're not inconsiderate I'm the same.

I found when I've been friends with younger mums than me they are more about nights out, being away from their kids quite a bit but when I've had older friends they're more about spending time as a family.
I get where your coming from.
Im happy on my own company too - it does stop DC having more friendships outside of school but they're getting to that point where they'll be allowed to play out in the summer so it doesn't bother me so much.

Original poster

Onemyownhere · 21/02/2023 19:30

Just to add its not like if i meet someone and they suddenly get pregnant after i will no longer contact them, the friendship will remain the same

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Original poster

Onemyownhere · 21/02/2023 19:33

@MeMyCatsAndMyBooks Yeah that's why i tend to not want to converstate with younger mums they tend to jump from one relationship to another or have nights out and i am not about that lifestyle nomore.. I wish my son was that age where he can play out in the summer, he cant say much atm and he is very energetic and rough lol

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Original poster

Onemyownhere · 21/02/2023 19:35

@Elieza Thank you for your kind words and understanding, ( i dont plan to have another baby until i have a stable relationship at least)

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