Raising two - Please tell me it gets easier?

[L0ts]

My second son is just over 5 weeks old, my partner has only just gone back to work this week, I know I’m very lucky to have had him off for this length of time.

Yesterday didn’t feel too bad but today I am finding it HARD. I have unintentionally let my baby cry himself to sleep whilst I desperately prepared my eldest sons lunch, he’s almost 4 btw. He was only crying for maybe 3/4 minutes but I still feel so horrendously guilty.

I have to add, my 3 year old does have autism too, it isn’t so severe but it definitely impacts his ability to communicate and understand. He’s really a great kid but he struggles with following instructions and understanding why things have to be a certain way.

Please tell me it gets easier? I feel like a broken woman today. We managed to get out on a walk today, I had my 3 year old in his stroller (still has to be in a stroller due to lack of danger awareness and also has random phases of hating walking) and baby in the sling. My whole
body honestly aches. The tv is on for my eldest way more than I’d like but since the baby has been born it’s been his biggest way of entertaining himself. Basically I’m just riddled with guilt and making myself miserable because of it 😩

It gets easier, right?

I can’t relate OP as I’m not quite there yet. I have an almost 1 year old and I’m currently 4 months pregnant. I just want to say be kind to yourself, you’ve only just gave birth 💐 i remember I really struggled the first 3 months when my LO was born. I cried a lot and found it hard to even get us dressed to leave the house. Those first few months are tough! X

It does. I had a similar gap, and definitely felt I was letting down my oldest day-to-day when my youngest was born. You’ll get into a new rhythm soon enough. Out of interest, my second was a much better sleeper, perhaps because you can’t respond to them straight away in the way you do with your first. Child 2 just fits in to what child 1 is doing - child 1 gets the best deal I reckon.

But they played together for hours from youngest being about 3 or 4 onwards - was great.

It really does get better. Can you get a double buggy? It’s much easier.
Also a play pen can be useful - even though the baby is so little it’s somewhere safe they can go. And as they get older it’s someone the older DC can go so they can play undisturbed.
3-4 minutes is crying is totally ok and won’t harm your baby. Hours and house, possibly but not a couple of minutes. And it’s just non avoidable with two!

Yes it does get easier.
I have a 3.5 year old and 11 week old twins.

You've only just given birth. Be kind to yourself. My partner had two weeks off work but I was in hospital for a week so only had a week at home.

You're not doing anything wrong. Just take each day as it comes.

Yes it does but, when your eldest is autistic (mine is too) it takes a lot longer to get better and it is harder. Not wanting to depress you but wanting you to be kind to yourself as if can be soul destroying to see mums with two kids doing stuff that just isn’t possible. So I couldn’t go to soft play and let out older kids play while I looked after his baby cos my older kid couldn’t cope in that environment. Etc etc I felt a lot like why aM I finding this so hard. But it’s because it is hard.

but honestly it does get easier. Mine are 4 and 6 now and it’s still very challenging but definitely easier.

if you do get a double buggy don’t get one that is side by side as it’s best to keep baby out of reach if autistic toddler has a meltdown (and a baby’s cries can be a trigge).

I remember that time being incredibly tough and in fact the jump from 1 to 2 was tricky in general (looking back it didn't help that ds1 is autistic and ds2 has adhd but I didn't know that at the time!)

What worked for me was working out strategies- using the sling, having the pram in the house, dealing with the 'problem' which was the quickest to solve first, etc I then felt mentally better as I knew I had a strategy in place.

It does get easier and watching the relationship between ds1 and ds2 grow made it all worthwhile.

You are amazing to have even got out of the house, I find it hard enough with 1. My own mother told me she struggled to get out and about for a long time when my older brother was born and she was amazed that I was getting out in the early weeks. And she is an awesome mum who took us to so many places. So I have lowered my standards for the next one!