Feel so stupid- sleep training

[123bumblebee]

I'm wracked with guilt and feeling stupid. We tried sleep training, paid a small fortune (for us, money we can't really spare) for a sleep consultant to help with spirited DS's sleep as we were at our wits end. He is 1 and still waking multiple times per night, not napping.

I've essentially just paid to torture my child. He screamed every night, getting worse. To the point where he would scream before going into the cot. I wasn't "allowed" to interact with him or look at him except for at a preset time every few minutes. The sleep consultant gasped when I said I had broken one night and picked him up for a cuddle.

I've been wracked with guilt every day even when he is asleep and feel sick to my stomach. How could I do this to my baby? Of course, I have stopped but worried the last few days have harmed him psychologically (I know they have me!).

Please don't tell me how I have harmed my baby, I'm already eating myself up about this.

It's a blip in his life. It won't have long-term consequences. You trusted an expert so don't beat yourself up. Co-sleeping was the best solution for us. Do what you have to do to get the most sleep for everyone. Good luck

A lot of sleep consultants are nothing more than vultures, offering miracles to sleep deprived parents.

Sounds like this one wasnt taking your childs personality into consideration. I know my child never would have been able to cope with that, and neither could I.

Try looking at instagrams such as Hey Sleepy Baby - there is def hope I promise!

Yeah unfortunately you've been misled by the sleep industry. I agree with the above that babies have different personalities and needs and some should not be sleep trained. He will be okay though now you've stopped trying, don't worry!

Thank you. He is asleep in his cot now. I sat next to his cot, sang to him, rubbed his cheek and he went to sleep peacefully. I would do that for hours rather than hearing him breaking his heart.

It’s cruel and I don’t think social services would condone leaving a baby to cry for an hour. The sleep consultant reassured me he is “not alone as you are in the room” but I was banned from even looking at him and except for at strict time intervals. Awful.

Sounds horrendous for you. I tried leaving my first to cry as allegedly that would teach her to sleep. She just screamed until she was sick and sweaty. Horrible. Didn't do it again. No visible scars and she of course doesn't remember it, and neither will your baby. You haven't damaged him, just had an unhappy few days and figured out what doesn't work. Can you ask for some of your money back?

It's so hard especially when you are sleep deprived and hear so many success stories, I know. I think the babies it works for are the ones who just whinge a bit when left alone.. Not the ones who get so worked up they get red/sweaty/sick etc. They will all get there in the end, I ended up bedsharing for my sanity and we sleep great!

Cross posted there, see what I mean about the babies who get sweaty or sick, they just need more support than the laid back ones and that's OK!

He’ll be perfectly fine. It didn’t work out, the biggest issue is it’s wasted your money not that there will be any effect on your baby.

Social services wouldn’t give two shits about a loved and cared for baby having a failed attempt at sleep training. Dial back the catastrophising.

We all do crazy things when we're desperate!!

I left my daughter to cry in her cot when she was 9 months but I only lasted 15 minutes before going in.

Cosleeping was the solution for us too.

We ended up putting a double mattress on the floor in the spare room. DH and I would alternate laying with her to sleep. If she woke one of us would go in and if we fell asleep with her, no problem, at least we were comfy.

She's now 2 and sleeps through the night. We've put the mattress onto a double bed frame and I'm so glad we stopped CIO.

You are a great mum, please don't feel guilty- you tried, it works for so many people but it didn't work out for you. I never attempted sleep training, my boy is 15 months and slept through maybe 20 times. It sucks but my gut tells me it will sort itself out eventually. Some babies just don't self soothe. I still feed and cuddle to sleep and transfer him to his cot when he is in deep sleep. He naps in my bed, he end up in it 95% of the nights. Everyone is different but if you feel it's psychological torture for you, that's it. I'm sorry you spent the money. You're a lovely mother, the baby won't remember this. Take a deep breath and do what your heart tells you to do. First years are so hard to navigate, we will sleep again.

He'll be fine x

He'll be okay and you were probably very tired and desperate! I really dislike these "sleep consultants" who prey on exhausted parents and I think sleep training is terrible. You should check out the FB group "beyond sleep training project"

Yes, I thought I would be getting support to work with my child but I just got sent a generic “plan” to shoehorn him into crying himself to sleep alone. I could’ve told the sleep consultant from Day 1 that it wasn’t going to work ( although I did give it a good try as I trusted them) with the method they gave and the timings they gave.