What do you do to get time to yourself?

[Marghe87]

DD is 2.5 and I am starting to feel drained often. She was a challenging baby and is now a lovely toddler, but full time work + parenting without any family help is hard and I am starting to feel deflated. I need to look after myself more and take more time out of parenting (DH works shifts and at times it’s just DD and myself during the weekend). DH is very supportive and infact he is the one encouraging me to do more things for myself. Just curious to know what you do to ensure you get some time off family duties and recharge your batteries?

How much annual leave do you get? Could you book off a day/afternoon occasionally to have some time to yourself? Also, can you skip bedtime sometimes when your DH is home? I find bedtime an exhausting part of the day! Would his shifts allow you to do a regular class? Or meet friends once a month?

It might sound counter intuitive but booking a class for your DD e.g. Saturday AM swimming might mean the weeks your DH isn't working he takes her and you can have some time to yourself at home. I find it nice to be home alone sometimes rather than feeling I have to go out to get a break.

A nice lie in, or a health club membership?

I have a 2.5 year old, work full time and see work as my rest! Luckily mine goes to sleep by 6:45 so I see that time as my time.
For me though there is nothing better than having the house to myself to potter in peace, that really recharges my batteries!

@Sweetpea1989 oh wow. Does she nap
during the day? DD still naps at nursery and she NEVER sleeps before 9pm, and not for lack of trying (it takes us at least an hour to put her down at night).

@BendingSpoons we do one evening each. Re annual leave, not much that I can take for myself only as I am not from the UK and use a big part of it to visit my family (non-negotiable as I want to) and the rest is just a summer holiday the 3 of us and maybe a couple of days off with DH to celebrate our birthday or anniversary.
I never thought about weekend classes, DD is quite clingy, she doesn’t seem there yet although she does go to nursery so I guess she could adjust to classess too

I have 3 dcs , zero family support but a great dh. I work but definitely don’t find it a break , it’s full on. I run 4 times a week , maybe 40 mins each time so not very long , if I don’t get time during the week I exercise weekends. My dcs are all older but still all primary school aged so it’s still very full on in other ways tbh , a lot to juggle. I have baths , early nights , I watch a lot of good series , I read and my dh and I free each other up at weekends to lie in or just to do our hobbies so one takes all 3 dcs out to do something and the other has hours to chill.
We had years and years of sleep deprivation, managing all tiny kids all together , toddlers , babies at the same time, house moves , renovations (all with no help from our families in that they’d never look after the dcs ever). So we eventually hit burn out , that’s why we now give each other time , we still do absolutely loads as a family and our dcs are so lovely and all get on well so play all together which also allows us time to read or chill etc. It’s made us both better parents as we know we can have a break at some stage.

No she's dropped the daytime nap, Which I thought would be the worst thing ever but I quite like my day not being dictated by naps!
My husband worked shifts until recently, I know how hard it is.
I hope work isn't too stressful for you and you can grab an hour to yourself here and there.
Sometimes for me just a bit of a drive and a podcast is all I need to switch off.

Can you work longer days to get an afternoon off every now and then?

I sometimes go to the cinema at the weekend by myself, and if I need to pop into town I sometimes take my book and sit in a coffee shop for an hour.
I've also joined a choir, and although the lessons are on after bedtime, it's really nice having a new hobby.

If you and DH are off on the same day then split the day.

We tend to split Saturdays. One will take the kids in the morning, the other in the afternoon.

I found that 3 is a big gamechanger because you can start to do drop and go weekend classes. Even parent participation ones DH could do when home so you would get s break then. Then obviously funds permitting but have you considered joining a fancy health club gym with a creche and going for a few hours every weekend? I know it’s not necessarily the point so feel free to ignore but I’d also be looking at sleep (sleep consultant?) because an hour of bedtime routine that isn’t concluded until 9pm would leave me feeling exhausted and run ragged no matter what I did or didn’t do at the weekend with her.

If she's going to bed at 9 and it's taking a lot of effort, I think it might be time to drop the nap. Getting her to bed earlier might help you get some time to yourself in the evening.

My son is only 17 months so he still has a nap in the middle of the day but he goes to bed at 7 and that really helps. We've got 3 solid hours to ourselves before we go to bed.

I find little things help add up the time. For example we all have dinner together at 5 and when we're finished he gets some toys to play with at the table while my husband and I wash and dry the dishes. Then at 6 it's bath, jammies, brush teeth, bedtime story and off to bed at 7. But we used to abandon the kitchen after dinner and then we'd be having to tidy it up when he was in bed which eats into our evening. It's better to make sure everything is done before they're in bed.

We also do what a PP said and split the weekends. Saturday I'll do the morning and husband the afternoon and then vice versa on Sunday. That means we each get a weekend lie in. Of course it's not a rigid rule because sometimes we like to do things altogether as a family.

Don't feel guilty about a bit of telly here and there during the day if it allows you to just sit in peace and quiet for a bit.

We have a local café with a play area that I like to go to. Usually meet up with a few other mums. The kids entertain themselves with the toy kitchen and so on and we get to sit with coffee and cake. Have a look and see if there's anything like that in your area. There's a Facebook page called cafes with play areas that lists them all in the UK. It's nicer than a soft play- a lot calmer!

No help here either but a lovely DH.

I go to yoga, sound baths, massages, walk then take a book to a cafe, cinema by myself sometimes.

I have a health club membership - it's the best investment. I might go and do half an hour in the gym, or go for a swim, or sometimes I just go for an hour with a book.

She needs to drop the nap and be in bed for 7, so you get your eves back

Agree with PP about the nap. Drop it, get her in bed by 7.30 that way you get an evening.

I do a weekly exercise class so DH does bedtime on that night. We often split weekend days and I'll go and get my hair done or book a massage while he looks after DDs for a few hours.