Just need to get this off my chest. I have a five month old and am doing it alone. My ex dp and I worked in the same area of medicine, he was almost at the top of his career as he’s a few years older, I’m a bit behind but headed the same way. When we found out I was pregnant I was clear I needed to know he was in support (unplanned but had talked about kids in the future after marriage). I asked if he had considered termination etc he said yes at first but absolutely not after consideration. I made it clear I did not want my career to stall more than strictly necessary and that he would need to do his fair share. He was ABUNDANTLY clear that he would do these things and even let me go ahead and purchase a larger property for us (in my name only as we are not married) so we had more room for the baby etc. Despite him having had a huge pay rise with his recent promotion, I’d always been careful with money and therefore funded this move. Out of the blue one day when I was 32 weeks he said he didn’t think he could be a dad and started refusing to talk about the baby. I did not hear from him since 35 weeks when he left the house telling me I was ‘too much’ (presumably referring to the fact I had got very very upset at his comment about being unable to be a dad when I was so far along in pregnancy). Whilst he has refused to communicate with me since, he voluntarily paid the maintenance set out on the calculator online. Whilst this is a decent amount it has still left me utterly in the shit given we had talked about how childcare would he paid for etc and his maintenance won’t even cover that full time if I want to keep my job. I am so fucking angry he gets away with this. I am bitter and I hate that, I’ve always gone out of my way to be positive in life and this betrayal has broken me, not to mention the fact my child now effectively doesn’t have a dad?! Which I will one day have to have the burden of explaining. I feel like my careee will be over, how will I ever achieve what I wanted to now all of it is down to me? I have some family support but not enough or in the same way as was agreed between me and my ex. He is now advancing his career and knows full well I will struggle to do the same. I had a bad week this week as I’ve been unwell and it’s made me feel so angry at the situation, doing all the wake ups etc alone. I also dropped my car keys on the pram on the baby and baby screamed and whilst I know they are fine it’s stuff like this I never envisaged not having the father around to talk about it with. I never ever would have even dated him if I had thought him capable of this. I know this is the wrong thing to do but I just want ALL his colleagues to know what he’s done, I am getting emails about things and seeing his name and praise being given etc and I’m so angry that behind the scenes he’s put me through this. Whilst I have this visibility as we work in the same niche area, we have no mutual colleagues as we worked in different locations. I’m well aware that this sort of ‘revenge’ is pointless, bitter and a stupid thing to do but I’m just having such a low moment and feel totally and utterly walked all over with a bleak future. I also found out that the week I gave birth he had submitted a paper alongside his practice and and been awarded a sum for it… so in the lead up to me having our baby he wasn’t even thinking of us. Friends have said he will be thinking of us now and regretting it but I actually don’t think he will be. I’m exhausted and so angry.