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Original poster

Breastfeeding - pressure to stop, can’t decide.

34 replies

Flibbyjibby · 19/02/2023 14:39

DS has just turned 5 months old. He is my second (and last) child and up until the last few weeks has been EBF.

I decided a few weeks ago to try and introduce the bottle for one feed a day, as I wanted to make sure he will be happy to take the bottle if I want to go out for an evening and for when I start doing KIT days at work. It was a struggle to get him to take a bottle but after 3/4 weeks of perseverance he now takes it with both breast milk or formula.

I have found breastfeeding much easier with DS than with DD (who was fully formula fed from 4 months), but now I have started giving him a bottle a day, I am getting pressure from husband/mum to switch him fully to formula.

I understand and agree with their reasons. They want to give me a break, let me leave him with them for longer than a couple of hours. He is cutting his first tooth and will soon be starting solids. It will get him into a better routine (he still very much feeds on demand).

But I just can’t help but feel sad. He’s my last baby. Breastfeeding is mostly working for us (except the waking every 2 hours at night), and I will never have the chance to do it again. It’s also really helped me to lose weight on the WW breastfeeding programme, with just over 2st down and 1 1/2 to go.

But I am so tired. I have a 2yo to run around after all day but spend a lot of time glued to sofa with a feeding baby. I’ve had to turn down a couple of chances to go into work for a day because I have to BF, but I would rather do that day in work! I can’t leave the kids with mum for a day and get the day to myself. I know this is the same story for any BFing mum.

It’s such a personal decision to make. I guess my question is: at the end of the day, will it matter if I switch to formula? Is it something I’m really going to regret for the rest of my life or will I just forget about it!

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KangarooKenny · 19/02/2023 14:45

If you can’t decide, I’d say you’re not ready yet.
I also gave one bottle a day, but continued breast feeding until 12 months, and by then I’d had enough.

QueenoftheNimbleFlyingCat · 19/02/2023 14:50

If you are torn I would say you aren't ready yet, don't force it as you'll end up with regrets and feel resentful. If DC is taking a bottle then that's great, you can replace some feeds with formula and gradually reduce that way if you want.

Please don't feel pressured to stop by anyone, DC is only 5 months old and you have years for your mum and DP to have him for longer. Enjoy the snuggles and peace breastfeeding can bring for as long as you need to.

Pantheon · 19/02/2023 14:51

It sounds to me like you're not ready to stop just yet. When baby is 6 months, you'll be adding in solids anyway and it won't be long until you can leave him for longer. Breastfeeding is such an emotional thing, it's really up to you and no one else.

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Freshair1 · 19/02/2023 14:53

You're really not ready. I knew I was ready as I'd set myself a date for my last feed and decided I would prepare that way. Take control of that and ignore everyone else. Breastfeeding is more than just feeding for your baby, it's comfort, connection and YOU. Take your time. X

WoolyMammoth55 · 19/02/2023 14:55

OP, since it's your last baby don't stop until YOU want to.

Anything else, for anyone else's reasons, you'll resent it.

Twinklenoseblows · 19/02/2023 14:56

Don't let anyone pressurise you into giving up if you're not ready. If breastfeeding is going well it's great for both of you and also such a useful tool as they get older. I found breastfeeding so useful as I returned to work, providing comfort and connection when we were together and helping them through the endless nursery germs and illnesses.

The NHS recommends breastfeeding until 2 or beyond, so if it's working for you why stop?

Squamata · 19/02/2023 14:59

Stop when you or the baby wants to. It's good for your and the baby. You'd probably still be tired if formula feeding (someone else giving a bottle while you race around). There are continued benefits to you (reduced cancer risk) and baby (better immunity, lower obesity risk etc).

DragonbornMum · 19/02/2023 15:16

You've given him a great start by letting have milk for all those months. Plenty of babies are formula fed, and also grow into healthy adults, so don't let people tell you that formula is evil.

However, this isn't a decision that other people can make for you. YOU have to decide how you want to proceed. There's absolutely no wrong choice here, but don't quit because someone else decided it would be more convenient.

Twizbe · 19/02/2023 15:37

Stop when YOU and BABY want to.

Other people can give you a break by taking the toddler, cleaning the house, making you some food etc.

Don't ever stop for anyone else, that's how you end up regretting it.

You can feed when they have teeth, you can feed when they start solids, you can feed to sleep, you can feed past 1.

Perhaps find a local breastfeeding support group as well.

picklemewalnuts · 19/02/2023 15:44

I would say the feeding isn't the tiring bit! Feeding is when you sit down and have a rest. If you're tired, someone else needs to help with the toddler or house.

Maybe DH could give a bottle at night, so you get to sleep through. I can't see any advantage to you. I just see MiL and DH playing and cuddling with the baby, while you do more housework/toddler care.

GG1986 · 19/02/2023 15:52

Decide when YOU are ready! Not when someone else tells you.

summerlovingvibes · 19/02/2023 16:06

Similar situation -
Baby is my second and last, 4.5 months old. I'm now about 50:50 with formula and breast - started with one bottle a day for about a month and then gradually increased.
Now I don't want to add any more bottles because that will more or less be the end of BF, but at the same time I can't wait to be able to leave her a little longer.
I have the added pressure of a 2 night/3 day away hen do (which I'm not going to get into but I do have to go to it) at the end of March, so am therefore feeling the pressure to build up to this time away and ensuring she is happy with DH over night.

I feel a mixture of sadness for the end of BF journey, but also mixed with relief that I know I'll be able to leave her a little longer.

Today, DH took both children out for a couple of hours. First time I've been in the house on my own since DD2 was born. It felt like it wasn't enough and I am longing for a whole day to myself! I can't wait! Also quite excited to get back to work / KIT days but at the same time know I'll never BF again.

So torn, no answers for you OP just saying I get where you're coming from and am in the same boat x

Curtainsorblinds · 19/02/2023 16:16

Tell them to back off and let you feed your baby how you want!!

you don’t even need to give the bottle - most ebf babies (including two of mine) never have a bottle. When they get to 4 months you can give them some of your milk in an open cup when you are on KIT days or an evening out etc

good luck and well done for breastfeeding!

Onnabugeisha · 19/02/2023 16:19

I know this is the same story for any BFing mum.

No, it’s really not. Myself and many other EBF mums were back at work FT when their babies were less than 3mos old. We used breast pumps so the caregivers could feed them bottles of breastmilk while we were at work all day.

If you want to go out for the day, or to work for the day, just get a breast pump.

tealandteal · 19/02/2023 16:26

My DS is 8 months and my second/last baby. I went back to work at 6 months and DH is on shared parental leave. I pump and he takes expressed milk in a bottle most of the time, with one bottle of formula a day. Then on the weekends I usually just bf or if I’m out, DH will bottle feed. Do you think pumping would work for you if you’re not ready to give up bf yet?

GoodyAddams · 19/02/2023 16:32

Having had a baby along with a toddler, I really do not understand how you are coping on such little sleep and frequent night wakings. And spending all day feeding your baby.

It doesn't sound like your family are pressuring you to stop. It sounds to me like they can see you're struggling and want to give you a break.

LBOCS2 · 19/02/2023 16:33

So, baby takes a bottle but they want you to give up BF?

Why?

I mixed fed my elder when I went back to work when she was 9mo - she had bottles during the day and BF in the evening/overnight/first thing.

It doesn't have to be either/or once your supply is established. You can pump, you can give the occasional bottle of formula. You can do all the things you're mentioning without having to completely stop. Do what you want to do, not what you're being pressured into.

teezletangler · 19/02/2023 16:41

A lot of people don't realise that BF doesn't have to be all or nothing. I mix fed DD2 from 4 months because I went back to work in a demanding job. I BFed when she was with me and she had formula when she wasn't. Worked great. I didn't do much pumping as I absolutely hate it. Then I took a long leave from work when she was 11 months and dropped the bottles entirely. Switched her to cow's milk in a cup and BFed until she was 2.5. Babies are adaptable!

Okunevo · 19/02/2023 16:50

By 9 months, most breastfed babies will be eating enough to leave for a day out if needed. DS was, he mostly fed himself finger foods but was happy being spoon fed a Greek yogurt to fill him up if left. So if you are undecided it really isn't long before you can leave him without a breastmilk substitute anyway.

SoCunningYouCanStickATailOnItAndCallItAFox · 19/02/2023 16:52

Whatever you do it shouldn't be because you're being pressured. I think anyone pressuring a mum to go against what they feel is right/works for them should be ashamed of themselves.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 19/02/2023 16:58

Consider their real reasons are they want to be the one sat down feeding the baby while you chase a toddler round...

yikesanotherbooboo · 19/02/2023 17:07

You will be giving him food and a beaker to drink from in the next few weeks so I wouldn't stress about moving on to bottles at all.Do what feels right to you.

Itisbetter · 19/02/2023 17:14

I regret it so I’m bias. Surely you could just express and leave him with a bottle if you want to go away for an extended period? My mum really didn’t like bfing and was extremely vocal about it. I wish I’d told her to fuck off.

Twizbe · 19/02/2023 17:28

GoodyAddams · 19/02/2023 16:32

Having had a baby along with a toddler, I really do not understand how you are coping on such little sleep and frequent night wakings. And spending all day feeding your baby.

It doesn't sound like your family are pressuring you to stop. It sounds to me like they can see you're struggling and want to give you a break.

Formula is no guarantee that the baby won't wake. Babies are designed to wake frequently during the night. Some won't, some will.

There is a lot they can do to help her out with the toddler that doesn't require her to stop breastfeeding.

Kalasbyxor · 19/02/2023 17:32

Get them to help with the toddler instead.
If you're unsure, you are possibly not quite ready.