When does it get easier

[Someoneelse86]

When does it get easier with babies/kids? I've heard people say it doesn't get easier it just gets different, but I kind of hope that comes from a perspective of it getting easier so slowly it's hard to notice, coupled with there still always being certain struggles.

I have a 2 year old (2y 4m) and 6 month old twins. I'm feeling pretty worn down. I'm still on mat leave, the 2yo is in childcare during the day (admittedly things would be a lot harder if he wasn't) and my husband pulls his weight. Im very organised but it's still always so busy. We don't really have help from family etc. I feel like I'm on a sinking ship at times, esp when the twins sleep is shit - cat napping during the day and refusing to sleep at night/waking crying. I get so wound up sometimes and then I get disappointed in myself for not getting on with it like everyone else seems to be able to

Well that sounds tough but 3 kids under 3 was never going to be easy! Mine are a lot older now but yeh it’s still tough (though I’m a lone parent and kids have sen so that’s why)

Anyone would find twins incredibly tough, and people can also find just one two year old tough, so I think you are being hard on yourself. In my experience ages 0-3 was the most gruelling in terms of not getting a break. Help from family is game-changing, so don't compare yourself with those that have it. Have you considered whether the lack of time for self-care has lead to your mood becoming low? You could complete an online depression score such as the Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Score, or you could ask your Health Visitor to assess your mood. They also might be able to signpost you to some peer support for twin mums.

I wouldn't say it does tbh ... mine are 15 and 17 - this past year as a parent nearly broke me.

I could have written an identical post a couple of years ago ( I think I actually did). I had twins when my singleton was just two. It is so tough and I remember feeling particularly grim at the six month mark because you are just so tired and can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there. Twins are a whole different ball game and having three under three on top of that… but it WILL get better. I would say every three months it improves, so a bit at c 9 months, then at a year and gradually onwards. It improves a lot as they get more physically able so they can move around independently, dress, feed themselves etc. Mine are now five and three and it’s chaos but it’s also great. It doesn’t feel anything like those early months. I agree see what support you can get, particularly if there is some way you can get help with getting them into a tolerable sleep routine (daytime naps are the worst). Plus I don’t know about everyone else getting on with it (you’d be surprised at how they really feel) but just remind yourself… you have twins. Honestly, you’re running a whole different race. Don’t beat yourself up. You are doing AMAZINGLY. And twin mums are made of steel whether you want to be or not 😉 Hang in there.

My eldest was a bit older when I had my twins, but let's put it this way....

I'm potty training the twins at the moment. It's not been going well! But right now we're all snuggled up on the sofa (admittedly on a not-comfortable waterproof sheet!) watching Moana and eating grapes. Everyone is happy (although toddlers asking daft questions and not totally understanding the film) and relaxed and it's no problem to handle all 3 on my own (DH is out.). Soon they will all go to bed and I will either nod off with the boys or get up and have an evening to myself.

They kind of pleasant Saturday evening may seem impossible right now. And some people would point out that I have had to scrape poo of 2 pairs of trousers. But I'd say it's easier than it was when I had 6 month old twins! Draw your own conclusion 😊