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Help with separation anxiety for 1 yo

4 replies

kisaki333 · 17/02/2023 09:13

My little one has recently started nursery (last week). She is very unhappy at drop off and pickup but otherwise the nursery say she is happy there.
Ever since she started going, at home she has become incredibly clingy to me (and just me!). She will scream bloody murder every time I leave the room. Won't let dad feed her or rock her to sleep. She wants me, me, me! It's true that in the past it was mostly me that fed her and put her to sleep but it wasn't unheard of for dad to do it as well with no issues.

This is a huge problem because I have gone back to work (I am the main earner and work FT while hubby works PT). As I have just returned I can still afford to step away for a few mins and help calm her down. But soon that won't be the case as I actually need to work/be in meetings etc.

It breaks my heart to see her so upset. And I can understand why she is this way, it's many new things at once when all she knew until now was mummy with small dash of everything else. What can I do to make it easier for her? I can't give up work or reduce my hours. Any advice on how to make the transition easier?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
DragonbornMum · 17/02/2023 14:55

She will adjust in time. "Unfortunately" what will help is to embrace the time you do spend together and make her feel secure when you ARE around.

It can take a while to adjust. She's only little.

kisaki333 · 17/02/2023 15:09

Thank you, i really hope she will adjust soon, i am feeling like the world's worst mum each time she cries.
Should i try to just leave her with dad, even if she cries, or try to gradually get them closer? Right now she cries even if she comes close as she knows he's about to take her from me....

OP posts:
MGee123 · 17/02/2023 21:53

This is normal, we went through the same and it has just started getting better around 18 months, which is when separation anxiety starts to settle. You will probably find if you're not in the house she will be fine with your partner after the initial fuss. Could you work some of the day away from the house? Otherwise get a schedule going to have a bit of time out of the house on your own every day, even if it's just a 15 minute walk. Once she knows you're not there at all she will probably settle.

The constant demand of this stage is exhausting and my OH and I have found it really tough as he feels rejected and I feel resentful! But it is getting better, your situation will too.

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MGee123 · 17/02/2023 21:54

I wouldn't force her to spend time with him when you're around, just make sure there is plenty of time with you not around.

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