Why is this so hard?

[parentingDIY]

I have a two children, six and four.
Jesus Christ I am finding life hard work at the moment.
I only work part time, no fucking clue how people who work FT manage. I hate my job though (middle management - worst career choice of my life!), so it feels like stress in all sectors of my life right now.

Today has been particularly hard as my smallest has a horrible cough and so she was up half the night unable to get back to sleep due to coughing and was really distressed. I'm effin' knackered today (always tired as youngest isn't a great sleeper still but usually it's manageable today my brain feels like mush) and my husband has a really rotten cold and he's feeling awful too.
The house is so messy, there's always fucking laundry to sort, bits on the floor, something that needs cleaning/wiping/sweeping/putting away. Kids toys everywhere. Trying to get them to help with chores/tidy up makes my eyes bleed, it's like herding cats.

I have zero patience with either of them, they push my buttons constantly. Then I feel bad for being such a shit/shouty/grumpy parent and vow to try harder tomorrow, but tomorrow is just more of the same.
They always need me for something - a snack, a drink, a poo, a wee, everything. They don't listen. I am ground down to a shadow of who I used to be before children. I just want to be left alone.
They have way too much screen time as it's the only time I get a moment of peace. But then again I feel guilty for that too!

Oh god and they're so fucking noisy. SO noisy. All the bloody time, except when they're sleeping.

Today has been TV/Switch in the morning, breakfast. Bit of playing. Out for a walk with the dog and a hunt for signs of spring - we found a tree sapling someone had pulled up and planted it in a pot when we got home. Back home for snack and and drawing/playing and a bit more TV. Then out to the shop to get ingredients for baking (I almost cried at the supermarket they were being so bloody difficult), back home fed them lunch (leftover chilli so at least that was easy!), then baking, more colouring. Then I tried to get them to help me tidy up the living room and they were just making more mess. In the end I put them both out on the trampoline while I tried to tidy as much as possible as I just needed some space and quiet. They played in the garden for a bit. Now they're in the bath as the garden is a bog and they got filthy. I've just realised it's nearly half five and I have no idea what's for tea. I should be sorting laundry, not on mumsnet moaning.

Husband does a lot, probably more than his fair share of a lot of chores (given that he works full time), is a very hands on parent for the most part, so it's not an issue that I'm left to do everything. Although it still feels like it.

I just want to crawl into a hole and cry. I feel like I am wasting these precious years of their lives feeling miserable and down trodden and making them sad because I am just always cross. Presumably this isn't normal and I'm doing something very wrong?

From your kids' perspective, today they've planted a tree, baked, gone on the trampoline, got muddy and watched telly. It sounds like a super half term day.

I'd say that's normal. You're exhausted so give yourself a break...
Is there anyone who can babysit for you tomorrow so you can have a few hours to yourself. Have a nice hot bath and just chill out in front of the tv. Definitely sounds like you need some down time to relax and refocus. I know it's not always easy getting a babysitter but if there's anyone at all it would really help you.

February is grim and kids are both bliss and bloody hard work.

It is unusual to feel like it is so hard given you work part time and your husband does more than his fair share of chores and is a hands on parent.

Sounds like you still have most of the mental load.

Could you take a step back at work? More hours for an easier role might give you the same ££ overall and if work doesn’t feel so bad all the rest feels more manageable (in my experience). I work almost full time and my DH isn’t nearly as involved as yours sounds but I really enjoy my job which puts me in a better frame of mind to deal with all the competing pressures. Sounds like it’s half term where you are, so presumably it’s all more heightened than normal. Hopefully you gave them something really easy for tea.

Sounds like they've had a great day even if you're on your knees!

I work FT and DC are 5 and 3. Sounds weird but by working full time I think I carry less guilt - the time we spend together is precious and they get a lot of attention and structure from school and childcare. I adopt the 'it takes a village' attitude. I do recommend getting a cleaner if you can - it's really helped us - every other week they blitz the house and we do what we can in between. Your day sounds similar to what I would be doing if I wasn't working - the kids would have had a great time, I think you're beating yourself up. I lost my mum quite recently. I think that's made me abandon all parenting guilt at the door and just do my best. it's good for them to see that you are human with emotions. Try to remember that you are showing them what 'mum does at home' and maybe get them to do a bit more - I sometimes feel like I am running a hotel so I do get it but I also think giving them jobs (sorting washing, putting dishes in the sink, wiping the table) is more fun for them than you realise and shows them that nothing comes from nothing. Take care

Let them be bored. You don’t need to fill their every waking hour with some kind of activity. Wake up tomorrow, make a round of toast for everyone, then put your feet up with a coffee and let them potter about playing with toys. No screens. If they say they’re bored just tell them to entertain themselves. Tell them you’re going to spend the day catching up on housework so they will have to decide what to play with/read/colour.

It seems like parents just build an expectation that kids will ‘do something’ every day, and the more you schedule them the harder they get to entertain.

You sound like a great mum who is just a bit frazzled and worn down. Like other people have said, your kids probably had a great day and will remember all the fun things they did than the handful of times they might have been told off or snapped at. It's us mums who brood over the times we have been less than perfect parents, not them! If your job isn't enjoyable it's not going to put you in a great frame of mind for when you're at home - is there any realistic possibility of changing your role to something less stressful / more fulfilling? If not, how could you find a way to recharge / de-stress so that you're in a better frame of mind at home? Do you get any time alone to relax / exercise / do a hobby? Sending positive thoughts x

Honestly if you can make it thru the next 2 yrs intact things will be much easier! I reckon. Mine at 8 & 5 nearly 6 and it's been a bit of a golden age. 8yo is becoming hard work again now as emotions kicking in.

Sounds like you need a break.

Let the house to to shit for the rest of the week and prioritise you getting some quiet time and sleep.

Next week, the eldest will be back at school. You can get back on top of things then. Let your younger one watch a film while you potter round and get stuff sorted. In the longer term, get rid of a lot of toys! If they won't clear it up for themselves, it goes in the bin. If it's something like Lego that might be hard for them to tidy independently, put it high up and it's only allowed out when you say so, and only if everything else is tidied up first.

But now, prioritise recovery!