Spare part

[LouFair]

OK, so I am knew to all this, and was advised to get advice from all you lovely mums.

Myself and my partner are expecting a baby girl in a couple of months, he has a 5yr old boy to a previous relationship and he is fab.

His son is super excited that he is going to be a big brother and constantly talks about all the fun he is going to have when his sister is able to play, and arrives.

You probably think get to the point lady........

So when my partners son is talking about his sister, he only ever talks to my partner (his dad) never includes me, and when I suggest things he just ignores me, he only ever says my sister, and your daughter dad, I cant wait to do stuff, just you me and my sister, I am never mentioned, or acknowledged, and its pretty hurtful, when I jokingly add into the convo what about me, can I join in, he just says no. I understand he is 5, but when I say well she is my daughter as well just like you are your dads son, i will be her mum, im shot down as if I'm being too blunt or patronising towards his son.

Am I being totally stupid and silly for feeling like I'm not part of the family they are talking about and feeling like a spare part? Also hope that makes sense. It's really hard to put it into words.

Has he actually understood that the baby will be yours and not travel back and forth with him to his mum’s place?

5 year olds are brutal to try not to take it too personally. I would discuss first with your husband, explain how it makes you feel and that you want DSS to consider you 4 as a family unit, with you included.

If he is mostly listening to Dad then Dad should be the one to implement it. When conversations come up again about the baby, Dad should be the one to say include you and if DSS says no, then Dad should explain your part in the family and how you love DSS very much and want to be included with them.

Hi thank you both for your replies and advice.
When I tried to tell him that the baby was mine and his dad's and would only be at our house, in a very nice way, so a 5yr old could understand, I was glared at and totally later by partner that I was too brutal, but im sorry he needed to know that his sister wasn't going to be staying at his mums house, because she isn't hers.
And I will talk to my partner again and suggest to him the advice about informing his son, and talking to him to explain how his sister and myself will be and our roles.

Your partner needs to be the one to initiate it, e.g.

5 yo: I can't wait to go to the beach with you and my sister, Daddy!
DP: Yes, you, me, your sister and OP will have loads of fun at the beach, won't we OP?
You: Yes, I can't wait!

So don't "butt in" but have your DP leave openings for you to join in naturally.