Tell me about your six year old!

[Rainallnight]

Our lovely and wonderful six year old is coming out of some struggles we’ve had for the past few years. She is adopted and had some difficulties related to that. They’ll never be ‘gone’, but it certainly seems now as though we’re in a more settled and ‘normal’ place (for the want of a better word).

Because of all this, it feels like a good time to do a re-set on our expectations, which have probably been pretty atypical for the past few years.

It would be great to hear how your six year old is at

• dressing themselves (including going to get clothes)
• bedtimes
• playing
• tidying up
• anything else you think is relevant!

Keen to hear about a mix of experiences and developmental levels - not just perfect MN kids ruled with a rod of iron!

Thank you.

My 6 year old is also adopted, and has ASD/ADHD/FASD so not sure how helpful this will be!

I don’t think he would be able to organise himself well enough to get the clothes he needs. He can get himself dressed with lots of prompts as he gets distracted and won’t always manage the right order (trousers on when he hasn’t put pants on etc)

Bedtime is 7pm and he sleeps well. He might read in bed for an hour before he goes to sleep. Occasionally calls me in to tell me something about his reading. Sleeps about 11-12 hours.

He doesn’t play much. He games and reads. If he plays he needs a lot of support. Plays more at school (SEN school) but again lots of support.

tidying up is hit and miss! Again needs lots of support.

-dressing themselves: can, but often doesn’t want to!
-bedtimes: not great! Lots of energy until the very last and then crawling into my bed all night.
-playing: prefers to play with someone. Their sibling was (and still is) very happy to play independently at this age.
-tidying up: not something that will ever happen naturally. I can encourage it to a point.

• dressing themselves (including going to get clothes) Yes - she enjoys doing this, and is pretty good at it. Likes choosing. Older sibling still needs help with this so I think it's partly personality?
• bedtimes - ok, asleep by 730. Rises early at 6
• playing - prefers solitary play quite a bit. Again I think this is personality
• tidying up - doesn't do it. Do any 6 yo??
• anything else you think is relevant! Still isn't completely dry. Lots of accidents.

dressing themselves (including going to get clothes) - he is good at this.
bedtimes - not great, very hit and miss. He shares a room with younger sibling and they seem to take turns to act up or prolong going to sleep.
playing - he will play but gets very excitable after quite a short period. Not sure he could sustain a board game without an adult playing.
tidying up - never without being told to. Needs lots of persuasion
anything else you think is relevant

Mine is also adopted so again, I might not be the demographic you’re looking for!

Bedtimes, sleeps at the same time every night, and we’ve never had any problems going to sleep. However, they still sleep with us and I can’t get them into their own bed!

Dressing - choose their own clothes. Every day they choose their own clothes and get dressed in their own. Can be a bit slow because they like to fanny around at the same time!

Tidying - can tidy up fine when prompted but is quite messy otherwise (I have no judgement as I am too….)

Play - this is the hardest part. My LO is very sociable and friendly etc and has some friends. BUT they have a short temper and get annoyed really quickly. They also feel rejected and left out very easily and it’s generally this that triggers a loss of temper. This can make friendships difficult as they’re always on edge, feeling like everyone else prefers other people to them and again, that triggers a loss of temper. This is definitely impacting friendships 😢 We’re constantly trying to work on this but it’s so so hard and I’m ALWAYS worrying about this.

DC1 is just 6.

Can choose their own clothes and dress themselves, I tend to put the clothes out the night before because it makes the mornings easier.

Bedtime has always been pretty good, they've never really disliked it apart from brushing teeth. DH normally does a story and sings songs, then it's lights out, although it's not a problem if they want me to do it or DH is out. On the weekends we leave a sandwich out so we can get a lie in and they can watch tv, although with DC2 being under a year lie ins aren't really a goer at the moment

Playing has always been a sticking point. Won't play by themselves unless it's something to do with a screen, constantly calling on us to join them- toys etc all in their room now so DH and I don't get much time to ourselves!

Tidying up before the cleaner comes is ok ish- DC1 is a people pleaser so will do that as well as stacking plates for the dishwasher. Ad hoc bedroom cleaning, taking their things upstairs, making sure clothes aren't inside out for the wash can be met with a bit of resistance. Always forgets to take lunchbox out of school bag.

Generally I find it a good age. Ability to retain and repeat information always amazes me, and at 2 years in school now I definitely see more behaviors learned from there than in the crèche. Teacher is a big influence. DC1 loves to help littler ones and has almost infinite patience for DC2 (8 months).... so far!! Long may it last

Mine is a good little lad. He gets up and dressed by himself and gets his own breakfast and will make himself a simple lunch. He runs his bath and does teeth without prompting and goes to bed without a fuss.
He loves playing with his older siblings but will entertain himself with his cars for hours some days.
But when he gets tired he gets very emotional and will hold a grudge for hours! He is learning to put his mess away, but loves helping put the shopping away or hoover and polish.

Oh yes mine likes getting breakfast and making a sandwich on their own. When I’m unwell, they always surprise me with a jam and butter sandwich which is a lovely thought but I can’t bear jam or butter which is find a bit tricky 🤣

DD 6

Can find clothes but not interested in doing that unless it's something she loves and really wants to wear like a colourful dress.

Can dress herself but often puts tops on backwards unless there is a clear label / bow signifier.

Loves playing and plays alone, with us, with friends evenly a lot of the time. She likes playing with little toys, imaginary games, on her bike and scooter.

Bedtimes are ok, she is always full of beans but basically will comply with routine and go to bed on time. I lay with her whilst she goes to sleep though which I'm sure is frowned upon by all.

Dressing - chooses own outfits and dresses herself but we've only just got to the point where the outfit is always suitable for whatever we're doing that day

Bedtimes - Sometime after 7 DD goes upstairs and washes hands/face and puts pyjamas on independently. I then go up and we read to each other. Then I clean her teeth, tuck her into bed and say goodnight. She sits and reads for as long as she wants after I've left her. Sometimes she doesn't want me to leave her and there's a bit of messing around but generally it's easy.

Playing - plays brilliantly independently. Got a bit of an issue as sometimes at school or parties she'd rather play on her own than with others. I view this as the negative flip side of her entertaining herself so well at home

Tidying - sometimes tidies unprompted. Will help me do bigger tidying jobs if we make a game of it against the clock

I'm lucky on the whole that DD is quite independent, likes being helpful (she got our breakfast ready this morning) and is very capable. However she struggles with other stuff - social skills are noticeably not as developed as some of her peers, and we've had a terrible time with not wanting to go to school (although we've now moved schools and this has improved immeasurably). Just saying it's not all plain sailing!

dressing themselves (including going to get clothes) - she’s capable but gets very distracted unless we prompt her. Sometimes needs a bit of help with getting inside out clothes the right way or getting snugger tops over her head when undressing. Does like to choose her own clothes but deliberates for ages over it!

bedtimes - lights out around 8pm. Usually sleeps through until 7, later on a weekend. She does sometimes get really hyper when she’s too tired though so we keep an eye on that.

playing - pain in the arse. Doesn’t like independent play much and I will not do the pretend play. She likes to do board games or lego with me. For pretend play I have to set her going and leave her to it but it’s hit and Miss whether she’ll just follow me and whine she’s bored.

tidying up - she’s so untidy it’s unreal. She has just started asking to help though so we are giving her jobs like setting and clearing the table and helping tidy her room.

anything else you think is relevant! - she seems to live in her own world. Example at football, when the coach tells her it’s her turn in goal she was totally oblivious until 2 other kids went up and practically pulled her to the goal. Prone to being annoying to get attention and being in people’s faces too much which really annoys me. Good at reading but not sure she has concentration span for chapter books yet, she will read something like a usborne book about nature or something on her own and in her head, rather than out loud.

Mine is just coming out of a long Covid/post viral thing they’ve had for over a year so I still have some concerns but I think/hope we are out of the worst of it.

Dressing - great at home. We do lay out clothes on their bed in the mornings before school for ease but happy to pick their own at weekends. Also loves dress up which did help enormously when learning to put stuff on and take it off again. However was v lazy in reception and more than happy for them to do stuff for them! I had to have a word when I realised.

Bedtime. In bed for about 715/730 most nights unless Beavers. Always tells me they aren’t tired but usually asleep within twenty minutes. If they look very awake I pop a quiet audio story on for them to drift off to. Have to say that Beavers has been great for confidence building and social skills.

Playing. Loves lego/play doh/drawing and will disappear for an hour or so into their own little world. Equally very sociable and loves a party or a tear round in the playground.

Tidying. Depends…. Very good at putting away play doh or stationary but a bit rubbish at tidying away lego. We are reminding them a lot about tidying at the moment.

Just to echo pp. sometimes disappears into their own world and needs pulling back to remember to listen… it’s been pointed out at school too. I did worry about ADHD but I think it’s probably being 6 and a bit behind after a year of illness. I’ve seen improvements in after school activities so think it’s just taking a while for the penny to drop. Was also late choosing a dominant hand and I’ve read that can cause a delay whilst their brain reconfigures itself to be a bit more efficient. Generally though great fun and a lovely little person that makes me smile daily. It’s a lovely age.

DS2 is very nearly 7.

Dressing - perfectly capable but can be lazy and whiny about it.

Bedtime - 8pm and has been for years. Talks and sings to himself most nights until about 9:30. And is then tired in the mornings on waking about 7:30. Frustrating. At weekends he bounds out of bed at 7:00 when DSs are allowed downstairs to watch cartoons. Grrr. He has never been a great sleeper (although much much better than DS1).

Playing - very self sufficient (always was, even at 6 months could entertain himself in a baby gym). Endless board games playing three or four sides at once. Can get fixated. Plays less well with other children…we’re working on that with the school as he was fab in Reception but in Y2 is a bit of an island (his best mates are all girls and starting to drift away from him). However, apparently utterly fab at organised activities like Beavers.

Tidying - ha blooming ha ha. He KNOWS he needs to and then he fails to.

Coordination - good, very competent swimmer (has caught up with DS1, who missed a couple of years due to COVID), starting to have ok hand eye coordination (DSs are cricket mad). Would like to play rugby but I’m prevaricating slightly.

Mine is 5 but I'll still answer.

dressing themselves (including going to get clothes) - She can but doesn't want to!!
bedtimes - Really awful at this tbh, never wants to go. But it's 8pm as she's up 8am the next day
playing - She needs someone to interact with all the time, often her big sister has to make up games because she finds this tricky. Friends help a lot too. She can play by herself if it's something like playdough, lego though.
tidying up - Genuinely terrible. We have to turn it into a competition because she just flat out refuses.

Interesting to read the range of responses. My DS is 6 and 2 months..

Dressing: has improved alot in last few months.can dress himself but often will want me to help him. Up to a month or so ago it was guaranteed that something would be inside out/back to front etc but something has clicked with him. We generally lay out school uniform but at weekends he can go up and get himself dressed.

Bedtimes: generally go up to bed for 7:30. He does a huge amount of messing around and is very reluctantly in bed by 8 ,read a story and he's usually sound asleep by 8.15. I wake him at 7 and he's usually 15 minutes or so to wake up properly. Usually sleeps until 8 at the weekend.

Playing: loves soccer and anything sporty. Also loves jigsaws, colouring,arts and crafts but mostly he just plays made-up games with his 7-year old sister. They spend hours playing imaginary world games. On the occasions when his sister isn't around he's not great to play on his own. Has a strong addiction to TV and his tablet which has to be very strictly monitored.

Tidying up: he's actually great for tidying up and loves helping out but it's very much with direction, as in he wouldn't take a notion to tidy up something but then what 6-year old would.

Anything else: he's an absolute massive ball of energy and needs constant movement.

dressing themselves (including going to get clothes) - done this on his own since about age 4 (oldest child so possibly more out of necessity!) Occasionally I help with shoe laces but that's pretty much it.
bedtimes - absolute nightmare, really struggles to get to sleep.
playing - great, will play alone or with others happily.
tidying up - OK if you do it with him. Hopeless after 1 minute of effort if left to own devices (unless there is some sort of reward in place!)
anything else you think is relevant! - quite emotional still, not completely outgrown tantrums. A lot of fun, really interesting and interested in stuff.

Pretty much the same for my 6 year old

Our DD, 6 next month.

Dressing: on weekends or holidays, brilliant- she will choose an outfit, complain about me saying she'll be cold, but basically fine. on school days she needs a lot more cajoling! and sometimes help with buttons.

Bedtime: she's always been chilled about this but she takes ages to go to sleep- we do lights out at 7.30 but she's usually awake until 8.45. just lies there contentedly listening to audiobooks. some nights comes halfway down the stairs to tell us the latest killer joke she's learned etc etc

Playing: loves playing with others, particularly imaginary games with her little brother (who has no clue what is going on but is generally happy to come along for the ride!) And with her pals it's mostly imaginary scenarios: spies, princesses, witches, detectives, superheros etc. If left to her own devices she's fine, but probably won't "play" as such, more write/read/create/craft etc. Although having said that she does sometimes just enter her own world completely- interesting that PPs have said this too- sort of playing imaginary games with herself, with herself as the star- obviously! Lol.

Tidying: absolutely none, except for if she decides she wants to make a project of it (which happens once in a blue moon). If I push it it turns into a stand-off. A more gentle approach usually works best, but she's so daydreamy I literally have to point at what needs to be picked up, by which time it would be quicker to just do the damn thing myself.