Toddler not settling at nursery - reassurance needed!

[ThelastRolo20]

Hi, my daughter turned 1 and started nursery in January. She does three full consecutive days but whenever I go to pick her up I get told (on a good day) that she's been "up and down" with an over arching vibe that it hasn't been great.

I'm concerned as we're almost two months in and I thought by now she'd be loving it! She's such a happy baby normally, so content to play and explore so I'm a bit flummoxed. I've asked to meet with them for more detail but I'm wondering if anyone else has had a similarly long settling in time? Funnily enough she's fine at drop off and pick up, eats well, naps (albeit sometimes not a lot). It's really starting to get me down and apparently today was not even partially good and she was described as emotional :(

Amy thoughts/ experiences welcome as whenever there is someone else doing a pick up all I hear is how great a day their child has had which makes it harder.

Couldn't read and run-my daughter was just like this! It took months and months for her to be consistently ok at nursery and it was awful. I was starting to question whether we should change nurseries etc, but we just had to ride it out and she was eventually fine. I think one of the tricky parts was that she (like your DC) started nursery in winter and so picked up loooooads of bugs so never felt particularly well during her first couple of months! It's really awful but it will pass I'm sure especially if she's settled well in to the day to day nursery routine x

@eczemamummy thank you, it helps to hear that it can take a while. I'm sure she will get there and we have started at a tricky time of year. Hopefully when I meet with them next week I'll feel more reassured.

Hi OP! My son was / is just like this, took weeks - probably even months to get him settled and happy to attend. Unlike your DD he was beside himself at drop off (he does only go once a week currently). Then when he moved up to 2+ room we had to go all though it again 😫🫠. He's been going since 11 months and he's coming up to 3 now - thankfully he strolls in happily now but I get the feeling he can be quite emotional / grumpy when there throughout the day - his keyworker will say things like "he's been in a Good mood today" (said in a way that infers he's not often in a good mood) or "he needed cuddles this afternoon". I just think it's a really long day for them and my DS isn't the most social with other Children 🤣. Think it all gets a bit much for some children. Now it's hit and miss on how he will be on pickup - sometimes he is thrilled to see me and other times he crys saying he wants to stay 😅. She will be okay ❤

Could the setting be too overwhelming for her? Maybe the size or noise?
It May be too much to consider moving nurseries now but could you perhaps try exposing her to more busy environments at the weekend? Try leaving her with others for as much as you can (even if it’s just an hour), try spend times at the weekend socialising with other children, let your child see you happy with other children.
It sounds like she is fairly secure at drop off but can’t settle which makes me think that it’s the environment.
(childminder of 12 years)

Mine only does 1 day a week but he started in October and has only just started having really happy days there. Mix of up and down and sad days really until now. I agree with a PP and think it's because he was pretty much solidly ill for the first 3 months so he was always feeling poorly which didn't help him settle at all.
But he was so so happy and content when I picked him up last week so they do get there.

@Bigpinktrain thank you for your thoughts, it's really appreciated. During mat leave we went to classes and went out to different places/ saw different people as much as possible (at least a few times a week). We've been to soft play where it's loud and chaotic and she's fine but then I'm there I suppose! She is one to sit back and look before getting involved so I wonder if, because it's busy, she's unsure because I'm not there and she doesn't get the one to one attention she's used to. Will try and broaden the environments she's in to see if it helps :)

@PeppermintTeaThenBed ah so it's not just us then! haha, I think you always assume it goes so easily for everyone else. This is also I suppose our "first hurdle" as everything else has been okay until now! We'll persevere, she likes the workers there, enjoys going to them, just getting used to the environment perhaps. Glad to hear your little one is getting on better 😁

@oop I did wonder whether illness has played a part, I think I was convinced that must be it until after a fab night sleep and seemingly over illness she had an even worse day there! It would be great if there was a toddler translation manual haha

Hi I wonder if this problem was ever solved . Having the same issue with my darling daughter .

@Vittoria2512 sorry - only just saw your post. Yes it did, after 6 weeks and the day after I sent an email to them saying I wanted to catch up she suddenly decided she loved nursery. She's now 3 and has thrived and loved it since, it really did just take a little time at the beginning :)