Where have the mothers rights gone!?

[mamadance]

I am currently in a horrific nightmare of a family court case battle with a narcissistic abusive ex who is using our child as a weapon and trying to fight for 50/50 custody.
I don’t need to bore you with the story, as it’s SO common, but so uncommon to the judges!?

£0 child maintenance
Abusive partner pre and post separation
absent father
alcoholic
drug user
threatened court since I was pregnant to “fight me till the day he dies”
fighting for 50/50 custody for his mum to do it as mother is a complete an utter evil witch who also aided the abuse and control

but the courts don’t see it!? Even with a solicitor (through legal aid) I feel I have no voice, no rights, my maternal instincts are ripped away, and all your love, care, commitment and raising of your precious baby are GONE.

HOW do fathers have the same rights as us, it seems the court that once favoured mothers has completely flipped and favours controlling men who want to punish their ex partners even more.

We naturally have completely different instincts to men, we are maternal and have a different genetic make up. It makes us men and women. YES I know there are great fathers out there but in my case no. If we are so equal, how comes natural born men cannot grow a baby inside their body and produce milk!? It’s a mothers job!!! Why are we now stripped of this!?

WHEN WILL THEY WAKE UP!?

as you can tell, I am so infuriated by this. I cry daily with a broken heart looking at my 2.5year old DS little face thinking he has no idea what the hell is really happening. And that possibly his whole life will change and everything he has known and loved will no longer be. I have committed my life to giving him as much as I can. Working part time with short hours so that I could be his primary caregiver. Something my ex told me he wanted to… my “one job” was to care for this baby.
Not only were we forced out the family home in once I lived since I was born (ex partner bought the house off my mum to then ask me to leave a month later) this man has made me suffer in all ways possible whilst I still put on my absolute best mum mode and never let it affect my parenting. Which is SO hard when emotionally and physically you are drained.

I may add, ex has had weekly contact with DS since splitting. Apart from a few months after he assaulted me on a handover in front of DS, and when the courts made no order of contact for another few months. He now sees him weekly via a contact centre but doesn’t have to stay there.

Now I’m waiting a section 7 report to asses whether 50/50 is right and I can whole heartedly say it is not. But I am not within my rights as a mother to say what I think is best, it’s up to a complete and utter stranger.
I am not saying more contact can’t happen, I am open to the EOW day in the week.

Ex partner is the biggest socialist (sociopath) you’ll ever know with premium David Lloyd gym membership, soho house memberships, football clubs season tickets, lavish holidays and designer clothes and shoes, whilst entertaining clients through his successful full time recruitment company. Meanwhile he can’t send 5p to help with the care of his child.
please, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see what these men are doing.. why do judges not see it!?

PLEASE is there anyone out there who can help me stay sane or been in this position!? It’s soul crushing!!

I agree with every word you've said. Sorry this is happening to you and your lo.

Surely if he's shown he's violent and had to see your toddler at a contact centre, he won't be granted 50/50?

Bump.

Someone must have some advice..

I am so sorry you are going through this. I can't speak for every judge but in my experience of the Family Court system; they very much favour mothers over fathers. Fathers get painted as the villain even when they aren't (not saying your ex isn't - he sounds awful but I mean generally).

If he is only seeing your child in a contact centre right now, he doesn't have a very strong case to gain 50/50 shared residency.

Unfortunately, mothers and fathers do not have any rights. It's the child that has the rights to have a relationship with both parents.

I hope the report is in your favour 💐

With his background surely he won't get 50/50.
I also agree with everything you've said and am so sorry you're going through this.

thank you for replying! X

There was a criminal trial that was dismissed as lack of evidence. But I have had a non molestation order in place since the assault. I had a recording and photos but it still wasn’t enough. The hearing was meant to go to a fact finding but I was advised even if they found the allegations to be true it may not make any difference, he accepted a non mol for another 6 months so I had protection from it so I guess they can kind of see I need one.

I’m praying with all I have that it won’t be 50/50 as it’s just sad to put a child through a double life at such a small age. If I was able to communicate with him peacefully things might be different but with a narc you’re fighting a battle and I’m just tired of it!

I really hope so too! Thank you for replying x

Exactly, and he has been in his sons life ever since we split but he still claimed it was parental alienation. It’s clear online how badly cafcass and the family court see parental alienation, so with every allegation I made on violence he tried to come back with that. It wasn’t mentioned inside the court room by the judges as I guess they saw it was all BS.

I fully understand it’s for the best interest of the child to have both parents in their life, but as the primary caregiver it would be within their best interest to say what your child thrives off and doesn’t.

It does concern me that the DV isn’t taken into consideration, given there is so much evidence that proves witnessing abuse wounds children with bad childhood trauma that they carry into their adult life and affects so much.

Thanks for replying back!

Hello. I am going through very similar situation to this. I was just wondering what the court eventually ordered with regards to your ex’s request for 50/50 custody.

I am awaiting the section 7 report and I’m in court for the final hearing next Tuesday. My stomach is in knots.

Thanks

Hello, I actually had my final hearing yesterday. He didn’t get 50/50, he got every other weekend that will be 2 nights from next month and then goes up to 3 nights in May 2024.
He also got every Wednesday for dinner 3-6 but will go up to a full sleepover when DS starts school next year.

DS 3 in July so I feel like it is a lot. He is already so upset with having to stay once every other weekend I am so worried about how he’ll react. I will have to see how it goes but I will appeal the Wednesday every week sleepover as i don’t feel like he will be settled, he’ll come back to me for Thursday and off again on Friday and it’s all too much for a 4 year old. They didn’t think of that when they ordered that which is stupid.

my ex came up with so many lies in court in his final statement and also in the hearing and told judges I cut him out of DS nursery, doctors and dentist and said he never knew any of them. He is none stop on the phone to the nursery and they asked him to come and see it and he said no. The judges were told this but they didn’t care. He was still refusing to communicate and also still continuing lying and being difficult but they did not care.

wishing you all the best of luck, strength and love.

I’m happy to be at the end of Court but I’m nervous for the future and this new reality. I have knots in my stomach 24/7 and I just hope my little boy is ok. I also didn’t go ahead with fact finding as I got the non mol extended and my solicitors advised me that was the best outcome. (Sadly I think even when the abuse is found they will always see their child.)

We are going out hrough exactly the same and it’s heartbreaking to see a 2 1/2 year old girl ripped from her mothers arms and taken screaming for two overnights with her older, totally inexperienced father who lives in a bachelor pad. Her rights are non existent. She is forced into a relationship with him that is inappropriate for her age and circumstance. I wonder how many other mothers and children are failed in the family courts? A survey would be interesting