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Parenting

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My husband cannot stop worrying

9 replies

Junime · 15/02/2023 19:45

Hi, advice needed. I'm at my absolute wits end with my husband.
My husband has become such a worrier since our daughter was born almost 4 years ago and has become unbearable since our second daughter was born 3 months ago.
I don't even really know where to start my brain is completely frazzled and I'm struggling to be around him. He doesn't talk about much other than Illnesses or potential illnesses with the kids, every cough is a chest infection everything is the worst case scenario, when it isn't.
He Googles everything which always gives him the worst outcomes and feeds his worry.
I've tried talking to him because it's rubbing off on my eldest and making her think there's always something wrong with her, this isn't how I want to raise her, I want her to be strong and resilient.
Having conversations with him works for a day or two but then he's right back to it..
Hes doing it with his own "symptoms" now. I cannot cope with this anymore, I'm losing my mind. I want my fun, sexy husband back.
It's gotten so bad that the other week when my youngest was projectile vomitting (only once a day) for a few days after her routine vaccines and my husband was yet again googling and thinking the worst despite me telling him that it was normal and that the Dr's had also told me as much he would not accept it, to the point that I didn't want to feed my daughter with him around just incase she spat up afterwards and i would have to deal with him stressing again.
He doesn't react well when I don't agree with him or see eye to eye instead I'm uncaring and being dramatic. Although I'm the one home with the kids all day, I take bloody good care of them and I'm extremely caring. In my eyes I'm just rational.
Hes making me crazy, does anyone have any experience with this??

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Vallmo47 · 15/02/2023 19:48

It sounds like your husband suffers with his mental health - please try to be kind! He didn’t choose to feel this health anxiety, he cannot control it. I think he needs to speak to a GP about this and see if he needs medication. But I am not a professional at all so that is just my opinion. I’ve suffered with anxiety though and it’s the worst feeling in the world aside from grief, nothing can shake that awful feeling and you certainly cannot help/stop it. The right treatment for him will help. I hope you’re able to support him in getting it.

PumpkinSpicedLatte · 15/02/2023 19:50

Sounds like he’s got possible Health Anxiety quite severely. Please direct him to PANDAS foundation. They’re fantastic and support both mums and dads. Be kind to him xx

Junime · 16/02/2023 05:40

Of course I'll be kind to him, he's my husband I love him. I want to help him, which is why I'm reaching out.
My mental health is also suffering because of this, I have no one to talk to about it, Im at home with small children all day

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Junime · 16/02/2023 05:43

Thankyou pumpkinspicedlatte ill definitely check out PANDAS.

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Versailles2023 · 16/02/2023 05:49

My first DC was unplanned and premature. I am also a HCW. I also had my first DC around the time Madeleine McCann was abducted. I was exactly like your husband. It’s soul destroying and believe me it’s not easy having intrusive thoughts of illness and abduction invade your every waking moment. I had CBT privately, it helped me put in strategies to halt my irrational negative thoughts from escalating. It was hard work and it’s still ongoing. He can’t just stop on his own he needs professional help. It gets easier as the children get older. I empathise with you too it was very hard for my DH during all this as he is the opposite to me and hardly ever worries about anything.

redtshirt50 · 16/02/2023 05:52

He has health anxiety.

Go on the NHS website and search for health anxiety, it will give you lots of information on where to find help.

He needs to access some CBT therapy, either privately or through his doctors. Medication may help calm him thoughts in the immediate future

Junime · 16/02/2023 11:36

I worry like every parent does, I have intrusive thoughts and am aware of every possible danger but it doesn't take over my life. I can have conversations about other things and keep it in my mind but continue functioning with my everyday life.
My husband cannot seem to do that, I think he's losing himself in it and that's very hard to see and also to live with, he's not himself at all.
Thankyou so much for the therapy suggestion, very helpful.

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Junime · 16/02/2023 11:38

Thankyou redtshirt50 🙏

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Junime · 12/03/2023 18:19

I mentioned therapy to my husband and thanks to the suggestions here he now has an appointment with a mental health practitioner.
We're in a really bad place at the moment and I'm really struggling.
I'm always the strong one but im beginning to start losing it quite frequently, I just feel like screaming at my husband I have to walk away and scream into pillows.
I really need some advice on how to cope with this because it's always me reassuring him and you know what I need some reassurance too I need him to be the strong one for a change.
God forbid anything bad ever happened or that would just be it for our marriage, he'd fall apart.

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