4 day old newborn (second child) feeling totally overwhelmed

[Februaryschild2023]

Please help. Had my second on Sunday, out of hospital on Monday and was feeling ok.
It's all gone to shit today as my milks come in. I had horrific time when ds1 (4) was born, traumatic birth, SCBU, and terrible depression and bonding problems. This time round the birth was much better and I was feeling relatively relaxed until today.
The main anxiety is around my first son I think, feeling guilty that I can't be there for him as pmuch, bringing back old feelings of lack of bond etc. Hasn't been helped by almost no sleep at night because the baby only sleeps on one of us.
I know these feelings will pass and things will change but I'm starting to feel that slightly trippy, dream like feeling I had when I was depressed before and I'm so scared of falling back into that. Everything feels strange and unfamiliar, even normal routines.
Can people whove been there before reassure me? Will things feel normal again?

This might just be a massive hormone dump but your previous trauma around the birth of your first ds could be feeding your feelings. As you say, a lack of sleep compound any low feelings.
Try to remember that you were there for your eldest ds, he had the treatment he needed and it sounds like he is doing well.

You are still there for him as well as your newborn but things are different.
Is there any way you can get more sleep? Any family who could help with either child whilst you have 1-1 with one?
Maybe consider talking to your midwife about how you are feeling, she may be able to reassure you or offer advice re coping/seeking medical advice.
I’m hopeful you will feel better once the baby blues have passed but please ask for help if you need it.
Congratulations on your new baby.

It will be the exhaustion making you feel like that, definitely not helping anyway. You had a baby 4 days ago, you need to give yourself a break. You obviously care so that means you're a good mum and doing your best.

I'm so sorry you are having a hard time and just wanted to let you know someone hears you! I was in a very bad place (physically and mentally) 4 days PP with my second and MN saved me! A lot of people at the time said that even just a week later I'd probably be in a different place and it was so true! But I know it doesn't seem like it in the absolute thick of it.

Prioritise yourself and make sure you get a little bit of sleep (it only needs to be a bit of sleep here and there, don't make yourself feel worse if you can't manage any decent chunk as this will be tricky with a newborn, but every little bit helps). Also speak to your GP and midwife or HV to see what mental support is available if you need it. Once the baby blues passes you'll probably feel better but at least you'll know you have support lined up if not.

Your eldest will be OK, don't feel guilty, keep your eye on the long game. My DC now have an incredible bond, and these first few days were my eldest was unsettled are just a distant memory. Hope this helps a little bit!

It's lack of sleep OP. Prioritise getting a decent chunk asap - can someone have your eldest for a few hours so you can sleep? Then eat something hearty and drink water. My second is 12 weeks now and I promise you the guilt isn't needed - it's only so intense for a couple of weeks then it all gets easier.

😭 thank you your messages are so reassuring. I'd totally forgotten the overwhelm of the milk coming in and just feeling totally panicked by the whole thing.
I'll try and do night shifts with my husband starting from tonight, breastfeeding but hoping to combi feed so can try that to prioritise sleep. ♥️

Very normally around the time milk comes in. Also, baby blues typically hit around day 4. I’d recommend keeping a diary for the next week and if things aren’t starting to improve then absolutely reach out to your GP/HV.

Normal*

Day 4 and day 5 are the big hormone days. This too shall pass. You're doing a great job and you've got this.

You're doing amazing hang in there and use this board when you need it. There's also baby centre birth groups which I found a massive lifeline as people were going through it at the same time as me xx

I felt exactly the same a few days after having DC2. Remember it vividly - everything you describe. I promise it will pass, and do ask your HV/GP for support if you need it. But it's totally normal and you are doing brilliantly.

I had my DC2 in summer when DC1 was 21 months old.
Life seem to go by in peaks and troughs of highs and lows which seemed to coincide with how tired and/or hormonal I was. The first week passed in a blur. By the second I was feeling guilty about my son not being my only priority anymore but within a few weeks we got our groove and most of the time life is as calm as it can be with two children that age! Once your hormones settle it will feel better and hopefully baby is a good sleeper because that helps massively too.
I found it nice to have a visitor a couple of times a week once husband was back at work. Someone that would make a cup of tea for me or happily watch them for ten mins while I just popped a laundry load on. It was nice to be able to chat with an adult and unload a bit! (Not someone who expected to be waited on).

Thanks for all your lovely supportive messages. Up feeding the baby, but have split the night with husband so have had a solid 3 hours sleep, and feeling better for it. Thank you all xx

@Februaryschild2023 congratulations on the birth of your bubba xx
I had my baby in October.
Yes these feelings will pass, you will be ok, please stay strong, you got this 💪
Sending you lots of positive vibes x

Just a little update, got more sleep last night and feeling a lot brighter. Also had the energy to play with my son this morning for a bit before he went to nursery, and that's really helped me feel more connected with my 'old' life, and less like in a weird parallel universe.
Thanks for all the support it's invaluable xxx

Glad you’re feeling a bit better OP.
It’s a completely bizarre feeling isn’t it - I felt like I’d woken up in a different universe.
I remember standing in the kitchen weeping into a bowl of cereal for no reason at all.

@Februaryschild2023 aww yay! That's great!! 😊 x

Im so glad ive read all these messages as today i was feeling exactly the same , i had a baby on sunday was up dressed makeup on and out the door monday like nothings happend .. not stopped until today i hit a crash and funnily enough its the day my milk has started to come in , sometimes we have to go easy on ourselves instead of thinking too far into it and telling ourselves theres an issue or something must be wrong mentally .. but we have been pregnant for 9 months full of hormones being uncomfortable and living in a new body to what we was use to before , then our bodies have gone through a trauma giving birth then we go home with a newborn loose sleep while also adjusting to a new life along with another child that still needs our time and attention .. . Its alot and makes perfect since while we are overwhelmed and need time to adjust