Feel like a shit mum- kind words please!

[Cleanqueennot]

My baby is 7 months old and since he’s been born I have felt like a shit mum when I’m on my own with him during the day. If DH is with us or if my mum is here I feel like I can manage and it all feels great but the minute I’m on my own again I feel like I can’t cope. I never thought I would be this useless at being a mum and it’s breaking my heart. Being a mum is all I ever wanted and I’m so grateful I’ve become a mum in my 30s. I just feel like I can’t put him down for a few minutes before he starts crying at me. It seems he’s always tired and refuses to sleep which doesn’t help. Now we have started weaning I have found it’s made things worse, as I’ve now got to try to feed him solids (while eating something myself) and then he wants milk straight after feeding.

I feel like I can’t keep up with the constant meals, cleaning him up to breastfeed then he’s due a nap (which he fights until I give up). I feel like I’m constantly chasing my tail trying to keep on top of these basic needs I don’t have much time to play or do nice things with him. I know a lot of it stems from him being overtired as he DOES NOT NAP but I’m so over trying new things to make him sleep. It only ends in tears for us both. I’ve tried everything from sleep training to possum method. I am not willing to ‘try’ anymore sleep related stuff as it’s doing my head in!

I do already take him to 2 baby classes per week and that’s great. My issue is more that I can’t cope well at home with him so I feel like hes missing out on things at home like tummy time etc and he isn’t showing any signs of sitting up or crawling. I’m worried about his development.

I don’t know what I am needing really. Just needed to vent and maybe get some kind words from people. I feel so down 😞

sorry for the long post! X

Trust me when I say I have tried EVERYTHING. I have tried putting him down for naps at all stages of his wake windows. I’ve used apps like Huckleberry to track it all. This is why Im not wanting to continue trying anything regarding the sleep situation anymore.

Thanks, it’s good to know the night waking is normal. I know it’s all normal deep down I just need to find a way to cope through it x

Sorry if I missed this but Id there no family who could take baby for a few hours so you can get some sleep?

That’s fair, I get that (I am one of those with a 2 year old who has always woken every 2 hours so trust me I understand 😅).

However I will say that it takes at least five days to create a habit.

So if you try, say, white noise once or twice and think nope that doesn’t work, then the next day try sling at a different time and think that doesn’t work either, it’s not being done long enough to see if it actually will have an impact and see if it actually does work.

I recommend looking up Sarah Ockwell Smith as she has lots of great insights on baby sleep.

The fact your questioning yourself whether your a shit mum shows you are absolutely not. All babies are different and it’s just finding something that suits them. Also with weaning, they say food before one is just for fun. Being a mum is hard work with any baby but I bet you you’ve found easier ways to do things, and have a little routine. The routine will come with everything else too. You’ve got this 🫶🏻

My ds was so similar. I'd have to go for walks every day so he napped. It was exhausting. He wouldn't sleep at home.
The only thing that worked in the end was co-sleeping.

You're not a shit mam x

I also have a 7 month old and feel very similar OP. I adore him but I'm finding it so hard at the moment. Like yours, he needs constant entertainment through the day. His nighttime sleep has always been bad but is worse than ever at the moment- his number of wake ups is well into double figures every night and any blocks longer than 1.5 hours are rare. He is really struggling with teething and has two coming through so I'm hoping things will get better once these teeth are through. His naps have also got worse recently- up until a few weeks ago I had them timed well and could reliably put him down after he fell asleep on me but now he can very rarely be put down, making it really hard to do things around the house or have a nap myself. I also have no family in the area to help.

You're not alone but we will get through this

OP, my DD is nearly 3 now but I can honestly say 7 months was the bit that nearly broke me. She didn't sleep in the day, she woke a lot at night. I felt like all I did was prepare meals, breastfeed and unsuccessfully try to get her to nap. There didn't seem time for anything fun. I was broken.

Somehow at some point I got into a bit of a routine and things started to improve. I'd say between 7 and 10 months the only thing that saved my sanity was a lot of walking (probably 2-3 hours every day). But in the end I found a routine that worked for me, I found a local beauty spot where I would walk til DD fell asleep, then I would sit and read a book with a flask of tea. It was trickier when the weather was rubbish but as long as it was dry, I'd be sat around reading.

After about 10 months DD was more consistent with her naps, although they were short.

This time will pass. You're doing a great job and you really are in the thick of it right now. So far I haven't found any other stage as challenging as 7 months!

I'm so sorry. You are not a shit mum. You are the best mum, for your child.

My mantra was always 'it's a phase...'. It won't be like this forever

No, family all lives 500 miles away.

You are an amazing mum, and the best mum your baby could ever hope for.
But I remember those times, when others were popping their babies down for naps and then negotiating world peace with perfectly coiffed hair and nails - and I was pounding the streets with a buggy, rattling over bumpy pavements in the hope it would bring about a nap. Exhausting. But it did pass, the days got sunnier and I listened to podcasts, I always brought myself a decent snack and I knew where I'd need to walk to in order to find a bench and then I got a seat and a break! Eventually I got to the stage where my DD would have her first nap in the cot and even if it was short it was okay as I knew I'd do the walking for her second and third naps and eventually she got used to napping in the cot - never settling herself mind but I'd feed her to sleep and then transfer - and if it lasted only one sleep cycle at least that was time for me to get a quick shower and inhale some toast! I promise its not you, its just hard for now, and it will get better. And despite what people say or infer - how your baby sleeps does not define your success as a mother! I hope things start to feel easier soon

Some lovely words. What a beautiful bunch of people you are! Thanks so much xx