Just feeling really down and disappointed in myself today

[CalpolDependant]

I haven’t been the same since I had this baby- she’s 7mo today. A very very bonny and smiley kid, especially compared to my second, who has always been a bit of an Eeyore type. But she just doesn’t make me smile enough. It’s such an awful feeling. She is so high octane. She has to be being entertained constantly. It’s unbelievably draining.

She cried from the moment she woke up this morning. In the end she cried herself to sleep tonight too, even though I was holding her. Cutting two fucking teeth at once. Nightmare.

Early this morning, I walked all of the kids for 4 miles, just to make the baby shut up. I was only in these shitty little canvas shoes and now my feet are blistered up. The elder two fought and sulked the entire way around.

I had to leave the baby to cry a few times today. Just had to leave the room and compose myself. At one point I left her crying for a whole ten minutes while I sat on the landing with my head in my hands and fantasised about smoking a cigarette. (I quit 12 years ago!)
I’m sure plenty of people will be along now to tell me that I’ve irreparably damaged her. Feeling so bloody guilty and awful and tired and fucking worn out. Think I might regret this baby. Does anyone else ever feel that way? I feel like I might always regret her and it breaks my heart. Did anyone else regret theirs and then find later that they got over that feeling?

Other highlights of my day:

1. Pissed myself because I didn’t get my knickers down in time. Didn’t change myself for an hour.
2. Let my eldest play on her iPad for 5 fucking hours after lunch. Pretty sure her brain is now mush.
3. Left pram out in rain. Standard.

I’d just really like some messages of support and solidarity. Please don’t just pile on me for being a shit mum. I’m definitely a shit mum. Any other shit mums out there today?

Go to your GP, OP, or your health visitor. It sounds like you could have PND which lots of other mothers have been through, and it's really treatable.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way. We don't allow posts that contain a method, so we have removed it now.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website. or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

I didn’t mean to offend anyone. 😢