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Original poster

8.5 month sleep - I think I’m about to break

12 replies

Milly899 · 14/02/2023 20:25

I’ve posted on here a couple of tImes, sorry to post again I guess I don’t have many people to talk to about this and I’m feeling on the edge and in tears.

I have a lovely DD, I’m a FTM but her sleeping is just terrible at night time. I can’t even remember now how long it’s been bad for, but she had a period of sleeping through and now she will not be put down. However if MIL has her or my mum she will go in the cot and sleep no problem. She’s only stayed over away from us a couple of times.

shes poorly at the moment with a cold, so probably doesn’t want to lie down. But if it’s not a cold, it’s teething or whatever reason it is that I can find that she will NOT go in her crib, and she will not even co sleep on the bed. She has to be on me until eventually she will sleep on the bed.

I always said I wouldn’t co sleep but now it’s needs must to get any sleep. I attempted sleep training but she was so distressed I couldn’t do it, plus I live in a flat so anxious about neighbours.

my marriage is suffering because we have no time alone, and DH has to sleep in the living room because DD is in the bed when she eventually goes down.

DH works until 9pm a lot and is barely here anyway so it’s for me to deal with, and when DH is here she won’t settle with him because she must be used to me.

im ill myself at the moment so probably why my resilience is low, DH finishes at 10 tonight and she’s laying on me now.

I feel like I’m a shit mum who can’t settle her baby to sleep. It doesn’t help when people say she’s manipulating me and that she is like this because she can. I don’t know how I can get her to sleep better, I’ve tried so many things - rocking/singing/holding her hand/feeding to sleep/lay her on me until she’s in a deep sleep.

Does it get better? What am I doing wrong? Help :(

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 14/02/2023 20:27

Your baby isn't manipulating you, OP. She's far too young to do that.

Get yourself the book on sleep training by Richard Ferber. It saved my sanity (in just two nights).

TheShellBeach · 14/02/2023 20:30

And you're not a shit mum! Not at all. You're just having a hard time at the moment and loads of mothers have the same problem.

It is worth doing the sleep training, honestly. Your marriage must be a bit difficult since your DH can't sleep in the bed with you. Don't beat yourself up about this but do read the book and follow what it tells you.

Lilalily · 14/02/2023 20:30

It's normal OP, it's the 8 months sleep regression! It's the worst one, I bet it's the time when lots of people either start sleep training or co-sleeping. Hang on in there and it will get better again I promise!!!! It's just for a few weeks - you WILL have time with your partner again! It just feels this bleak while you're in it.

Interested in this thread?

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Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families General parenting
Lilalily · 14/02/2023 20:32

P. S. Ferber very much not recommended anymore!!

Pebblessss · 14/02/2023 20:32

You are not doing anything wrong. It gets better don’t worry it’s just a phase. I know it feels like hell right now but it will get better and you will look back at this and think it was nothing. Does she have naps during the day? With my daughter i made sure she had plenty of naps during the day (obviously depending on her age how many she needed) and that really helped her sleep perfectly through the night. Also when i used to bathe her in the evening she would go down peacefully. When she was really young i had to do all the rocking swinging patting walking etc it was a nightmare but it gets better and easier. She just wants her mummy you are her safety and she feels the most love with you hence why she just wants you for bedtime.

jamsandwich1 · 14/02/2023 20:33

You’re not shit! This is awful but very normal. I would be so encouraged that she’s slept through before. It’s highs and lows and this is a really common time for a low. You WILL come out the other side. My first was up every 30 mins to 45 mins from 4-6 months which nearly killed me and suddenly started sleeping through. Thought I’d cracked it but from 8.5 months it was awful again for 2 months(ish) - as you describe above - then stopped as suddenly as it started.
barring illness, new sibling and other bumps he’s been solid since (now 4)
my second is a crap sleeper but always has been but at 2.5 she sometimes sleeps through!
if She’s slept through before just power through and I’m sure you’ll get there again. It will end and you’ll ride it out but GOD I feel you! Drove myself demented with both of mine but time
solves everything. Good luck xx

mumyes · 14/02/2023 20:34

OP be kind to yourself. I found this age the toughest of all. FlowersFlowersFlowers

Do whatever it takes to get some rest.

I personally decided I had to get more sleep myself so eventually - after saying I'd never do it - left her to cry a bit. I was utterly exhausted. It was a really good decision looking back. It took a few very difficult nights of lots of stress & crying, but after that things did improve, and my sanity gradually got restored.

You need to be well, and rested, to look after your DC. X
Good luck.

birdglasspen · 14/02/2023 20:37

Can you put a bed or a mattress in baby’s room and sleep on that with her? Let your husband have your bed? Then from there try sleeping in same room but with her in her cot. If you’re going to try sleep training you have to really go for it for a few days (sometimes it might just be 1!) otherwise it won’t work. It’s hard, but chances are your baby can sleep alone, you will be helping her by getting her to sleep well and yourself it will not damage her! Get a routine in place and stick to it so she knows what is coming next before you sleep train. So 6pm, feed, bath, stories and into cot (or into bed beside you at first) try creeping away when she really is asleep. Continue this routine even if you have to stay with her at first then start sleep training, ie leave her…she now knows it’s 7pm it’s bedtime. She will quickly learn to sleep. Also make sure she is getting good naps during the day, sleep begets sleep!

TheShellBeach · 14/02/2023 20:41

Since you asked, I can suggest what you're doing wrong (and I am sure your mother and MIL are not doing) - you're waiting for the baby to fall asleep before you put her down, rocking, patting, doing whatever you can to make her drop off before putting her down.

You need to bite the bullet, put the baby in her own room, in the dark, in a cot, and put her down awake. Yes, she'll go ape-shit at first, but I am pretty sure that this is how your mother and MIL succeed in getting her to sleep in her cot. Ask them and see what they say.
I think it's a shame that anyone would tell you that the baby is manipulating you. What is actually happening is you're not willing to let her cry. At all. And you do need to break that habit now.

I promise you that it took two nights of sleep training and my DD slept all night.

TheShellBeach · 14/02/2023 20:42

Lilalily · 14/02/2023 20:32

P. S. Ferber very much not recommended anymore!!

Not by you, possibly.

TheSingingBean · 14/02/2023 21:29

Sleep train. It worked for me, my ‘baby’ is now 35 and sleep training his own baby.

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