Am I broken?

[bluebellaa]

DD has never slept a longer stretch than 3 hours in her 9 months of life, and in the past few months she wakes every sleep cycle (1-1.5 hours). As a result, I've not had an unbroken stretch of sleep since before she was born.

My fear is now, what it's done to me. I used to joke about how I could sleep anywhere, anytime (and could sleep forever) pre-baby. Now I can't nap in the day if DP offers to mind her for a few hours, I struggle to get to sleep some nights despite having been up 16 hours on chronically broken sleep, and I've started waking up literally a couple of minutes before DD stirs at night and then being unable to get back to sleep after she's settled.

I'm not looking for solutions to making her sleep longer because I know the cause of her disturbances, but I would like to know if it's possible to permanently damage your own sleep schedule or some reassurance from anyone who has gone through this sort of thing and is now back to sleeping normally as DC are older.

To be honest, this sounds like you're very anxious. I felt exactly the same - baby finally asleep and I'd be laying in bed with whirring thoughts of how long until she wakes up, is she OK, if I sleep now I'll get x amount of hours. It's a vicious cycle.

Can you speak to your GP and ask them for some advice or meds that may help you?

In the meantime, I would recommend shoving some earphones in and listening to something relaxing. Audio books, rain/sea/forest sounds, boring interviews - anything! I've found listening to something else takes my mind off what's keeping me anxious and awake, and it helps me drift off.

Definitely not anxious, just in such a clockwork routine of her waking at regular intervals that my body now does it automatically. Also I've had to adjust to being awake throughout the day for when DP is at work so again, I'm just in compensatory mode and therefore "don't need to sleep" even though I desperately do... for about 3 weeks straight probably. I don't lie there thinking or worrying about anything, in fact I often lie there zoning out, just not acutely tired.

There's already constant white noise on while DD is asleep.

I've known it permanently change people's body clock yes, and it's had an effect on mine. BUT, that's after years, rather than months of disturbance. It's probably a bit soon for it to be having any permanent effect with you yet tbh -
it's a habit, but a fairly short term one still. I do know people who have had long term insomnia etc after having kids though.

My youngest was like that until he was 3. Tbh he didn't magically start sleeping then either, but understood that he needed to press play on his story CD and look at his books and cuddle his teddies in bed if he couldn't sleep and only wake me if he was poorly/ scared.

He's 12 now and my sleep is back to normal. Like you I used to be able to sleep anywhere, any time. It did take a while to get back to that but I worked rotating shifts including nights, earlies and lates from when he was 7 until he was 11 and was back to being able to sleep easily any time then as ling as I felt "off duty" (then peri buggered up my sleep again - sorted now with hrt!).

Do you co-sleep.

I've had baby-triggered insomnia. I used to be able to sleep anywhere and fall asleep instantly.

My babies were good sleepers so it wasn't even because of being constantly woken up.

It settled down after a year or so both times. I think it's probably hormonal for me as once I stopped BF and my period came back it was a lot better! I can now fall asleep in the middle of settling LO, while on the floor with my hand up in the air holding hers. So happy to have my supernatural sleep abilities back!