How Do I Process Almost Losing My Daughter?

[MummOf5]

Hey!

I don't know how to start the process of healing following the worst week of my life sitting next to my 8 year old daughter's bed in ICU?

My daughter woke up feeling unwell last Monday morning so i left her in bed to rest and my 18 year old daughter stayed home with her while I dropped my 2 youngest boys to school and nursery.

I checked on her when I got back and she said she couldn't breathe. She sounded very wheezy so I put her in the car and took her to my local urgent treatment centre. Luckily we didn't wait long before being seen. The triage nurse checked her oxygen levels and immediately took us to a doctor in another room. She was put on oxygen and an ambulance was called.

We arrived at our nearest A&E department and she spent the next 12-13 hours in resus being treated. They were giving her 100% oxygen through a mask, she had cannulas inserted into both arms to administer medications.

She wasn't improving. The doctors had been liasing with the PICU at the Evelina Children's Hospital in London for several hours prior and they made the decision to intubate my daughter and a team would be sent from London to pick us up and take her to their hospital asap.

The experience of being taken to intensive care and being told your child has to be sedated and intubated is terrifying! I couldn't quite believe it was happening to MY child.

After what felt like a lifetime, the ambulance arrived and we were rushed to London with blaring sirens and lights.

Shortly after arriving and being taken onto the PICU floor, the doctors began working on treating her. I was standing beside her helpless. Everything was explained to me. I was told what the situation was and what was preventing her lungs from getting enough oxygen.

The first thing I said to the doctor was "It's not life threatening though is it?"

She replied "Yes it is"

Then i asked "But I'm not going to lose her right?!"

"It's possible" She replied. "Your daughter is critical"

As of then my life changed forever. I never thought I'd hear those words. You never think it'll happen to you, it always happens to others.

Miraculously she started to improve over the next 24 hours and her body fought like hell to get better. The doctors were so shocked at how fast she turned around and called her a "real success story"!

She was discharged last night and is doing well. It's a long journey ahead but we will get there.

I need advice with how to move on from such a traumatic and painful experience. It's like my heart broke the day the doctor said she could die and even though we are home and she's doing well, I can't seem to mend my heart.
Maybe it'll take more time or maybe I need some help??

If anyone can relate to my post and has any help or advice on what I can do to process and move forward, please let me know. I'm happy she's over the worst and everything but that doesn't stop how I feel or undo the damage and trauma of it all.

Thanks for reading my story ❤️

Get in touch with PICU at the Evalina . They may be able to point you in the direction of some help. When we have chilled. Step down from PICU, parents often really struggle. You've had a very traumatic experience. It's going to take time to come to terms with.

I would look into getting therapy for PTSD. I was in a similar situation to you - suddenly in PICU at the Evelina but our outcome was different. I had months of therapy to process the trauma of losing dd but also the trauma of the experience of being there. Be gentle to yourself, it’s an experience no one expects to happen to them. I’m so glad your dd is ok.

@MummOf5 was your daughter moved to another ward after intensive care before she was discharged? If so, I'd give them a call and see what they think about her temperature.

Failing that, speak to your gp (you may have to strong arm the receptionists).

I hope she's doing ok

I had this with DS and have been in ICU on life support several times myself so I think I was desensitised. The place itself can be frightening with all the machines. In my cases I actually think it was worse for my family when it was me because I was mostly oblivious.

These units usually offer a debrief which I think helped. It's a few years since DS's life threatening incident and I'd say yours is so recent that it's bound to still feel raw.

I've learned to trust my instincts but if you feel you need counselling due to your fears ask for it.

OP, I had a trauma reaction to something awful that happened to my child. I contacted one of those self referral online CBT services, free on NHS. They gave me six sessions om Zoom (could have had face to face or phone) with a therapist. She really helped me process what had happened and the impact it had had both on my child and on me. I recommend it. It's not a great servcie for long term MH problems, but to process a single very traumatic event, it could work.

I hope it does for you. That sounds utterly terrifying and not something yoiu can easily put behind you.

Kentlassie

So very very sorry for your loss. X

Hi,
I recently had a similar experience and came across your post.
My 13 month old son hit his head a week last Friday. He began vomiting, became floppy and unresponsive and we called 999.
Air ambulance teams were called and we were rushed to our nearest children’s hospital 1 hr away where we were told he had a fractured skull and bleed on the brain and needed life saving neurosurgery.
He spent some time in ICU then HDU and thank god by a miracle he survived. But he is very very lucky to be alive.
I just don’t know how to cope with the ‘what ifs’, the night of the accident is going over and over in my head.

Yes I can understand. My son had a similar experience in 2022 when he was 2 years old. I am now having EMDR therapy to help process the trauma.

I felt completely alone after my son got better and we came out of itu. My husband was unable to talk about it and all everyone kept saying was he is better now so I don’t see what the problem is. They didn’t see what I saw, not even my husband did. the isolation was/is very difficult.

I can understand going to hell and not quite ever completely coming back.

EMDR has really helped me. It has been incredibly painful work but it is shifting and slowly changing my whole life

know you are not alone x

It’s very recent and you are still in shock. It will take a long time and if able, get some counselling to process it.