Do you let anyone look after your DC?

[hoopsandholes]

DC is 7 months old. During the last 7 months, DP & I have been out alone together when we let PIL look after her for a few hours.
Before having the baby, DP & I were alone together for 10 years so it is a big change. I thought it was fairly normal to not really have anyone else looking after DC but as a couple, we've been struggling a lot lately.
Falling out, arguing, generally not getting on.
DP says we don't really have any time as a couple anymore and I agree.
PIL would look after DC 5 days a week if they could as they really love spending time with her. I'm just reluctant letting people look after her really.

How often do you and your DP spend time together without the kids?
I know it is a priority, I just struggle letting others take care of her without us there.

pil aren’t just “anyone” though are they? I thought this going to about letting people you don’t know well have your kids, no I don’t let anyone look after my kids as my family won’t have them and I wouldn’t use a unknown babysitter etc, if I had family help then yes absolutely I would let them look after my children!

We don't leave ds with just anyone, and looking at your post neither do you.

To answer your final question. Every Friday night and the occasional Monday night too.
Ds is preschool age, and PiL have him every Tuesday, occasionally he goes over on a Monday evening and has a sleepover, my parent have him every Friday and they keep him until Saturday lunchtime. This has been happening since he was about a year old. Although he stayed with my parents over night at 5 months and PiL at 7 or 8 months the first couple times we had an evening just us.

I honestly think it's better for your kids to get used to you not being around all the time?

I felt like you with my little one at that age, so I do get it but forced myself to say yes anytime someone (close family!) offered to take DD, because I felt like it would be better for both of us.

DD is now 18 months, and I do think it has helped with nursery and when I now do need to leave her places - she is used to different people and knows mummy comes back.

I do let MIL look after DD for her afternoon wake window usually a couple of times a week, but only because I need the time to get some work done so as not to have to go back to work/full time, rather then have MIL look after her for 12+ hours several times a week if I did go back. In an ideal world I'd downsize just to be a SAHM but DP would never in a million years agree.

I have looked after grandchild for a few hours practically every day since she was born. Daughter has appreciated every second I have spent with her .
It really is ok for your child to spend time with other people who you trust.

Seven months is still so tiny. I have a baby, younger than yours, and have no plans to leave her with other people for any significant period of time in the next year or so.

She has been away from me for short periods when I’ve had an appt or nipped to the supermarket but I don’t enjoy being away from her.

DS is 10 weeks and since 2 weeks we've left him with PIL, my parents or my sister weekly to have some time alone together. We left him overnight for the first time at 6 weeks and will be doing again this weekend.

I think it's a positive for him to establish good relationships with family members, feel comfortable to be away from us and hopefully help with separation when I'm back to work in a few weeks and he starts nursery full time.

I also think it's good for our marriage, it means that we can reconnect and it isn't just baby talk as wonderful as he is.

I'd definitely allow willing family members to have her, even if it's just for a few hours once a month or so and see how comfortable you feel after some time.

We’ve left our DC once overnight, in four years, and probably go out together 2-3x a year for an hour or two.

Thank you for your replies.
She did go once to PIL for a few hours which I was very anxious about but it seemed like she had a lovely time.
We did try it again a second time but it was a little different where DP was working and I also needed to do some work (work from home) so they said about taking her again for 4 hours which they did, but she was very unsettled and cried a lot so I haven't done it since.

We are going to next week so we have a few hour together to go and do something.
We've been in quite a bad place lately so I've been reluctant to want to book anything with DP because we've been arguing more. But DP thinks this will help us and our relationship for her to be with PIL every couple of weeks for a few hours.

We talk about the baby more than anything else now and even when we were out that time without her, we ended up speaking about her the whole time.

I'm sure we managed to talk about other things over the last 10 years!

DC are never away from us apart from school & nursery but that's because we don't have family nearby. If we did, I'd be fine leaving them with family but wouldn't have done at your LO's age. Before 1 year old, I know they would have been miserable without us and I would have worried the whole time.

So I'd say it's quite normal not wanting to leave them at that age and you'll probably feel differently in a few months.

For the first year of our DC's life DH and I practically didn't have a relationship, more of a business one trying to get through life! We've now found each other again though (youngest is just over a year) so there is hope! I think just be patient with each other for now, it won't be so all consuming for ever.