Setting in nursery

[kisaki333]

Need some advice/ shared experience please!
Little one is starting nursery today 8->3pm.
We had settling in sessions last week where we left her alone there for 1h, 1.5h and then 2.5h

First time i picked her up she had fallen asleep but she had cried before. She was still sobbing a lot in her sleep.
Second time she cried when she saw me at pickup.
Third time she cried when i left her and also cried at pickup but even before she saw me, I could tell that although not crying, she was not happy (staff was playing with her but she was not engaged).

Since then, she has been ultra clingy at home. Can't even go to the bathroom (while she is in DH's arms) without her having a meltdown.
I am having a panic attack about leaving her there today.

Staff keep reassuring me it's normal and she will get better but I am thinking this is not far off from the Ferber sleep training method. Sure, eventually she stops crying but am I causing irreparable damage to her and our relationship ???

Please tell me how your experience was?
In my mind, nursery will be great for her since they can do a lot more activities and engage her way more than I ever could. But is it too soon? She is 1year old.

She will be ok. Mom guilt is real when starting nursery, everyone goes through it.
it’s a change to her routine but once she gets used to it, nursery will be a part of her routine too and it will be a happy place for her.

I really do hope you are right! Doesn't feel like it though, sat here crying at 5 am.
She is very resilient, but i just don't want her to suffer...

It's hard but she'll be fine. Mine did this and still does cry at drop off (2 days a week for 2 months). I've been assured it's all totally normal and they soon get used to the routine and that you are coming back for them. They update the app with pictures where she looks happy and engaged with the other children and staff. It just takes time. You probably do this but I always stay really buoyant and happy when dropping her off - sing, smile, tell her what we're doing and how much fun she's going to have then even if she's wailing I cheerfully say bye etc. Then deal with my own emotions when the door is closed and I'm back in the car.

@kisaki333 nursery worker here, although not in the UK. She'll be fine, it will just take some time. The best thing you can do is stay completely relaxed and positive at drop-off. Save your emotions for the car as PP said!

Where I am we actually have a minimum of 2 weeks for settling in, with the parent actually staying in the room for the first 3 days. Some kids take up to a month to settle in properly and this time is always allowed for. But in my experience all children settle in!

My DD was exactly the same to start off with - from the crying at pick up and drop offs, to the extra clingyness and totally refused to go in her own room at night despite having slept fine in there before. She was 10 months when she started. We've been there 5 months now and shes thriving there, very rarely cries at drop off, is less clingy and is (mostly back) to sleeping in her own room. It just takes time for them to get used to the change in routine and build a relationship with their new carers :)

I had to go back to work full time when my baby was just 6 months old. He cried a lot in those first few weeks and took around a month to fully settle. He’s now 11 months old and he absolutely loves nursery and never cries when I drop him off. He smiles as soon as he sees the ladies who look after him and is too busy being nosy to worry about me 😂.
The amount of illnesses he gets is another story haha but he did settle in eventually even though I thought he never would.