Not feeling that all consuming love?

[EstelleK88]

Hello. I had my baby boy on 9th February, and I dont feel that rush of all consuming love for him? I know it can come with time but it’s really worrying me.

I think he’s amazing, and want to protect him and worry for him, but I didn’t feel that magical feeling everyone talks about. I also feel like he’s is sensing something from me cos he cries more with me than with his dad or other people, I also think that isn’t helping with the bonding thing.

I did have a pretty traumatic birth. I was induced with the pessary at 11am on 7th Feb and sent home, was back in hospital by 9pm and was told they could break my waters, which didn’t happen until the next day at 9:30pm. I was having really strong contractions all night until they broke my waters (which was just horrible) had a panic attack as it hurt so much. I had the epidural at around 2am on 9th, which I feel only worked until the hormone drip was turned up full pelt and I was in active Labour. I gave birth to my son at 5:46pm.

I was then told that they had to call the emergency team and drs in cos I was losing alot of blood. Very scary. I had a post natal haemorrhage and had to have a blood transfusion so I only came home last night and I’m on iron tablets and blood thinning injections. Could my experience be why I feel this way? Sorry for the long story but it was long haha

@EstelleK88 I had to be on iron tablets and blood thinner I jections after my sons birth too, I had a forceps delivery. When I held my baby for the first time I almost fainted so dh had to take him, that meant I didn't get that first magical hour that the pregnancy book talks about. I Blamed that for the reason I didn't feel a sudden rush of love, despite adoring him as a baby bump.

Really though, I think it was also partly due to having to be in hospital for longer than I wanted, and having a long recovery from the birth. But once I was fully recovered I definitely did feel all that love and more, I don't know exactly when it happened but it definitely has and I love him more than anything now.

Don't be too hard on yourself, just focus on getting better and it'll definitely come for you too.

Oh lovely. Everyone had told me when I had my DD it would be like love had exploded into the room, with hearts dancing and magical unicorns farting glitter everywhere. I had a very straightforward birth, still felt like I'd been hit by a train and wondered what the feck everyone was talking about.
I fed her, cuddled her and would have done anything for her, but that love, nope, it took a good few months to properly cement. It grew and grew and I recall at about 4 months old looking at her and going "oh yeah, that's it!!" She's now 10 and all is fine.
Dont panic, don't worry, your little boy won't know, he will just know you are meeting all his needs. Fake it until you make it.

Perfectly normal to feel like this, I felt exactly the same after a traumatic birth with my second child.

I speak of it with young women, to try and normalise the experience. As the "shame" attached to feeling like this can be so harmful.

Look after yourself, and try not to put pressure on yourself. It will come with time, your baby won't know any different.

Thank you so much everyone for your comments. I’m crying just reading them but that’s nothing new at the moment.

I just want to be a good mum and just have this guilty feeling that I’m not. Everyone around me and my partner have told me how amazing I’m doing. He isn’t the easiest of babies shall we say. I’m struggling with his feeding. He seems very hungry. But I’ll get there 🙂 x

This is SO normal. I remember thinking that as much as I loved my daughter, if something happened to her my life would just go on as normal. I'd be sad, but we'd just try for another baby. I loved her but it didn't feel like the love I'd always heard people speak about having for their children. This was in the early weeks.

Now I feel like my entire body is just going to burst with how much I love her. I don't know how or when it even happened, it was just so incremental, but now it's the most joyous, wonderful feeling that I've ever experienced. She's approaching 10 months now. I think I probably realised that I felt this way from 5 or 6 months maybe? And it just got stronger the more I got to know her and the better our bond became.

So yeah...please don't worry, take it a day at a time and just focus on recovering because you really have been through a trauma.

Well this rang bells for me OP, my first was born on 9th Feb too, a few years ago. There was never a massive rush of love, it grew slowly over two years before I fully got there. Every six months I’d think, wow, I wasn’t doing too well but I am now. Then another few months would pass and it would happen again.

I had my second a year or so ago and felt it straight away. Every pregnancy/child/experience is different but I’m sure you’ll get there.

If someone had said they would take ds & I never had to see him again, for the first 3 months I would have snatched their hands off. Like you I had a traumatic birth, was fairly ill for the first month, had horrific pnd & had to be put on antidepressants, I'm convinced they dulled all my feelings for a long time, it took me until he was 6 months before I really felt like he was a child I would have walked through fire for. You have only recently given birth, give it time.

A colleague (who had a newborn) told me this is normal when I was pregnant with DC1. She experienced this and a friend had pre-warned her it might happen.

it was by far the best piece of advice / information that anyone gave me in the year DC was born. The love does grow, it can just take time.