Preschool party invites.. how does it work?

[applefruitfly]

Really sorry if I've posted in the wrong place.

DD will be 4 soon & wants a party this year, fine. Just going to hire the local soft play. She has said who she would like to come, she likes almost everyone at the 2 child care settings she attends but here's my question..

However much I'd like to, I can't invite all kids from both settings, it'll cost a ridiculous amount, considering there's roughly 70 kids total (I appreciate they wouldn't all be able to go)

However I don't want to be mean & leave anyone out.. what have others done in this situation, given your child a fixed number, & said 'you can have 15/20/30 people but no more' etc, or, well, I don't know. I just keep thinking of things like there's a little boy who attends one setting who has very special needs & I really want to invite him as I know (from hearing his mum talking some months ago) that he never gets invited to parties & it broke my heart, but my DD doesn't actually play with him. Oh God I'm probably just overthinking the whole thing.

Just pick a number and tell
her that's how many she can choose. 70 is too many.

Even half 70 would be too many.. perfectly ok to just invite a few. Would be lovely to invite that boy and his mum but if your DD wants someone else instead, don't stress over it.

I would invite all the children from one setting only, so no child is excluded. Its horrible when your child knows they haven't been invited. Maybe that's the way to go? Treats can be sent in for the second setting? Regardless of where the SEN child goes, i would certainly invite that child though. It would be the world to the child and his/her mum. Good luck!

Softplay party - I'd probably invite 8-10? I'd go for the ones whose mums you know best as they're more likely to come!

Oh God I agree I don't even think the venue could hold 70.. I just don't want DD going in after the party & discussing it for one of the other kids who didn't go to think 'well I wasn't invited' because my own DD is a thinker & would go down this route. I'm sure other 4 year olds may not be as sensitive. You're right, I'll pick a number & that'll be that.

My DD gave me a list of 10. I called the nursery and asked if there was anyone missing that she was friends with, just in case but they said it was pretty accurate in terms of her friendship group.

@gawditswindy really good shout to contact the setting, thank you.

@ChildminderMum Honestly due to the hours I work I really don't know any of the preschool mums, something else I feel bad about, but that's life/work. Thank you for the suggestion though!

Our local soft play does birthday parties - maximum of 30 kids per party, so you just invite 30 (if you get any declines you can invite another child). Everyone knows there's a maximum number of kids allowed and that you couldn't invite more than 30 if you wanted to. They'll be a maximum at your soft play too.

You're so kind!!! Thank you! I have a DC with special needs who hardly ever gets invited and wanted to tell you (whether or not you'll end up inviting him) how much I appreciate you thinking of this little boy in your daughter's class. ❤

I asked my 4 year old who he wanted to invite to his soft play party and he told me the names of 7 or 8 kids. Then I added a few more family friend type people - we had 12 kids in total. At my nursery people rarely invite ALL the kids, but we've not found it awkward at all.

When is the birthday?

You could find a nice local park, hire a magic act for half hour and do a buffet meal.

Choose her top dozen friends from across the sites. Remember, it’s her party and not a pity party for someone she doesn’t play with.

I asked preschool for a list of the 10-15 kids DS played with the most and then added in a few more that he wanted to invite/had invited him to their parties.

I don't know what I'd do in terms of numbers OP but I'd definitely invite the little boy that rarely receive invites. It doesn't matter that your daughter doesn't usually play with him, if you're doing softplay he'll have fun regardless and it'd undoubtedly mean a lot to his mum x

At that age I just asked the nursery staff who they play with the most. 6-8 friends is plenty.

Once they’re a bit older I give them a limit and they decide which friends to invite.

IMO if you're inviting some but not all from a childcare setting then it should really be less than half of them - that way it's clear that it's just a small party rather than a few children being excluded.

(and yeah, definitely invite the child with special needs)

I would go with who my child mentions, at 4 it will be the parents who have the issues that would find something to complain about regardless really

I have no idea who which parties my child was not invited to at that age, and even if I did I really wouldn't care

Ouch