How does anyone cope with 2 kids, let alone more?!

[Razputini]

Just needing a vent, support, and welcome to hearing other experiences and similars struggles, it would make me feel better knowing im not alone. I have a 2 and a half year old daughter and a 4 week old newborn girl and I just can't handle it, I have no, NO idea how anybody else manages two children let alone more. I feel like i'm on the verge of a breakdown constantly, I feel physically sick from the stress. It doesn't help that I haven't had one single decent nights sleep almost 3 years now. Newest DD was not planned and I would have wanted a time gap inbetween children to at least recover from sleep deprivation, our 2 year old only started sleeping through the night in December, before that she would wake me up 6-7 times a night and it was awful. Then when she finally did start sleeping through, I was in the final month of pregnancy and running on 2 hours of sleep every night as I had relentless insomnia. And now the newborn is here, who wakes me up every 2 hours (which I consider good considering my first would make me up every 20 minutes when she was a baby) but is EBF so I can't just catch a break. I feel so guilty as i've had SO much support from my family (mum taking DD1 1/2 days a week, my brother coming to take DD1 to the park etc about 1/2 days a week) and my partner is amazing and he helps out and gives me a break so often but I still can't handle it, I feel useless and selfish even asking them for help all the time. And I miss spending time with DD1, I haven't spent real quality time with her in so long because I'm constantly burnt out and tired and I have been for months. It breaks my heart when she asks me to play imaginary games with her, or she wants to do my make-up or something and I don't have the energy for her. She's in nursery 3 days a week now from 8:30 - 1pm which she loves but I feel like I hardly see her as much as I want to.

I don't know. I'm so tired of the constant stimulation, constantly being touched, needed, constant noise, questions, screaming, crying, mess, trying to multi-task so so many different things at once. I miss when I used to have a life and I feel like right now, I hate being a parent. DD2 is so cute and sweet but I can't help but think things would be so much better if she wasn't here, and then I feel guilty for even thinking that as my friends struggle to concieve... I want to enjoy every moment with my children but right now I feel like I'm just counting down the days until DD2 is older and i'm hoping things are easier, that my kids can play together and entertain each other and I'll have some decent sleep by then so I can just be the parent i want to be for them again

It does get better, promise!! I have a 2.8 year old and a 3 month old and god, those first 6 weeks were rough. The lack of sleep, endless breastfeeding, puke everywhere, so many nappies to change. It was relentless and I honestly couldn't comprehend how people survived with two children.

Bit by bit it got easier. Better sleep, less feeds, toddler becoming more independent and happy to play on her own for a bit.

You are nearly at the end of the tough newborn bit.... Keep going! Once the baby is feeding less frequently and a bit more predictable, getting out to toddler groups or on walks really helps. Plus it will be spring soon so you can have picnics outside etc.

It's bloody hard, but it will get better really soon!

Oh this felt so hard going from 1-2. I actually have 3 now and 1-2 was harder than 2-3. Also a 2.5 year gap between the first 2. Took a few months but it gets better. I managed to get DC2 to feed in a sling which was a lifesaver but obviously not for everyone. Try and be with other people in this stage and soon it will be warmer and being outside helps. Hang in there it gets easier. Different challenges but still this is a tough stage.

I honestly came on to write a similar post. I have a 3yo and 9 week old baby and things feel so so hard. My 3yo is throwing more tantrums than ever before and baby will only contact nap so there feels like no respite in the day. My only saving grace is baby has started sleeping a little better at night (EBF to) and my eldest is at nursery 3 times a week but I feel like I’m not being a good parent to either child right now. Hearing it gets easier from other posters brings me some comfort. Hang in there OP, you’re not alone. 💐

I just wanted to sympathise and say it will get easier. I have a 20 month old and a 7 month old and back in the newborn stage it was really difficult, daunting and exhausting but it does get easier. I bottle fed both of mine from different stages and I swear that made them sleep better as you can be exactly sure how much they are getting. I can count in one hand the days I’ve experienced ‘cluster feeding’ - maybe I’m just lucky.
you don’t need to move onto formula - with the first child I expressed. Second child suffered terribly from reflux so I moved onto specialist formula milk after 4 weeks. Breast feeding is great if you can, and you enjoy it. But even expressing one feed per day for your partner to give may really help you.
hang on in there. You’ve got this! Xx

You need to bottle feed and go to bed when the kids are asleep.

I used to be in bed at 7pm most nights

Formula is easy.

You buy the bottles, sterilise them, read the milk label, add hot water. Shake, allow to cool.

It's like learning to use a coffee machine

I was you a number of years ago. It’s really hard. But they get bigger and it’s lovely to see the relationship between them grow.

And then after a while they play with one another all afternoon and let you MN. Hang in there, sleep as much as you can. It will get easier.

It will get better. I’m going against the grain but I wouldn’t swap to bottles now unless you are deeply unhappy with breastfeeding. Feeding should get easier from about 6 weeks and it so much easier to settle a baby that way rather than having to get up and make a bottle.
Does your toddler go to preschool/nursery at all? If not see if that would be an option.

I have a 3.5 year age gap and struggled so much to begin with. I take my hat off to you.

This

I have 3 including set of twins. It's full on and tiring and relentless but I don't find it that hard. Also a single parent. Sometimes you have to go with the flow, parent the way you want and ignore everyone who has an opinion and/or advice and throw out the parenting handbook, lower expectations and standards.

But at the end of the day I love my busy family and wouldn't have it any other way. There isn't anything else I'd rather be doing or doing it with: I imagine a lot of parents look at my life and would hate it though

I don’t understand why you are posting on this thread. You get that this is a new mum in the trenches asking for helpful advice right?

Just typing this quickly as trying to get my own child to sleep, but if you’re successfully breastfeeding I would personally carry on with it. I gave up breastfeeding with my first and had the most horrendous post natal depression where I was suicidal. I’ve heard since that you can go into a sort of grief because your body thinks you don’t have the baby anymore. Obviously doesn’t happen to everyone but having bottle fed one and breastfed another I think breastfeeding is way less stressful in the long run. It will get easier. Sending loads of strength your way.

Stop feeling guilty and take all the help you can to enable you to get some sleep! Even if your 2 year old temporarily ups her hours to full time and you just have the weekends with her but are better rested that will be better for all of you. It won’t last forever

Maybe both ff you could naff off. The first comment was unpleasant. The agreeing one smug.

I am basically you just a few more weeks down the line! I have a 2.5 year old daughter and my DS just turned 12 weeks. I totally get how you’re feeling just now but I promise you will find your groove. A few practical things that have helped me…

When possible get the toddler sorted first. Eg in the morning get toddlers breakfast sorted (toast and banana on the couch watching peppa is absolutely fine at the moment) then you can feed baby in peace while toddler is occupied.

This is probably controversial but for me a dummy and the baby’s being able to take a bottle have been a godsend. A dummy can buy me 5 minutes when he’s getting hungry and has definitely helped with sleep. Husband has given a bottle of EBM every day since he was a week old and it’s really helped. Maybe once a week my mum with take the baby for a few hours and give a bottle and this allows me to do things with toddler that I can’t do when baby is about, go swimming for example.

the days of sleep when the baby sleeps are over so get rest where you can, learn to feed lying down so you can rest overnight, co sleep if you have to.

get a sling/carrier, we often bake cakes with baby in the carrier sleeping (bonus points if you can feed in one. I’ve got a few and found the Ergobaby embrace is great for feeding in) I can feed baby and push a swing at the same time.

the TV is your friend. Now is not the time for mum guilt. Your toddler will be absolutely fine watching a few episodes of paw patrol a day.

It WILL get easier, once baby starts feeding less life will be so much easier, give yourself grace and just aim to get through the days!

@MotherOfDragon20 I think @Razputini baby is almost 6 months old as she posted back in feb 😂 but sound advice nonetheless 👏

You’re in the thick of it and it is tough. But you will get through. Just take one day at a time. I PROMISE you it does get easier, month by month, year by year, until this part is a distant memory (although you obviously never forget how hard it was!).

Please also get in touch with your local homestart team. You can self refer and they can send you a volunteer once a week for a couple of hours to help. Whether you just need a rest/bath, help with the baby so that you can have a bit of one on one with your older one or just a rant to someone who understands and will happily listen! I volunteer for them and you are exactly the kind of mum we’re here for x

Sorry just seen, slight zombie thread 🙄… hope OP is in a better place now and feeling settled into it!