Worrying as a single mum, any advice?

[worrier198]

I’m a single mum to an 8 month old. I’m horribly stressed about a number if things relating to being ‘just me.’

my baby laughs and smiles with me but does it MUCH more with other people. It’s like are so excited to see someone new. I know it’s probably novelty but i worry he’d be much happier generally with two faces to see everyday if you see what I mean?

I am constantly obsessing over what to say to him when questions are asked about his dad. I have no answers, he stopped speaking to me one day, literally out of the blue, never heard from him since except to receive maintenance. As far as I know he’s still living alone so I can’t even understand myself why he has made no effort to see our baby. I’ve read horrible studies about men doing rubbish in school etc when a dad is absent and I’m just so sad and panicked about it.

I worry my ability to play and entertain is limited to literally three ten minute slots a day as the rest of the time I’m exhausted, washing, cooking, cleaning, feeding etc. If there was two of us he’d have much more attention.

I worry he will have no male role models. My dad is very elderly and my sisters have partners but we are not hugely close.

I wanted to be a great mum and I feel like it’s all ruined because his father isn’t in his life. I wish he’d even see him once a month or something so our boy has some stability there and things that I can’t do like swimming, he could do with his dad. His parental grandparents aren’t interested either, I’ve tried.

just struggling a lot with all the emotion and feel id be a pretty good mum and he’d have a pretty good life if it wasn’t for all this.

100% of the people he lives with adore him, worry about him and value his development. Seriously, better no dad around than a shit one.

You are doing fine!! There's time for swimming in the future. Maybe see if you can arrange a reliable babysitter who can once a month take him swimming or just have on hand for evening sitting for you to get a break.

youll be fine, lots of cuddles and chat to him while you are working, take him out and about walks in the park, lots of interaction, he doesnt need a rubbish father in his life, he just needs you xx

Well I would say he is a lucky little chap to have you. His world may be small now but it will grow. He will have lots of other influences in his life, school, clubs, friends and their families.

For now, I would a) Pat yourself on the back because you are doing a great job all on your own b) do a couple of regular weekly baby groups so he gets to be around other people and c) consider one or two nursery sessions per week so he gets to be with others but much more importantly (because he will be absolutely fine either way) so that you get a break and have some you time.

Thanks for replies.

@msmatcha I would love two days a week at nursery but feel so guilty a) at the cost of 420 a month and b) the fact I’m on maternity and should be spending as much time as possible with him and c) isn’t he too small at under six months? Just worry so much about doing what’s right.

Noooo do not feel guilty. Happy Mum Happy baby and all that and if you are anything like me you will be happier with a little bit of time to yourself.

My first baby didn't go into nursery till about 20 months - it just didn't occur to me. My second, was at 8 to 9 months, just two mornings a week, and it was wonderful. I didn't have a job at the time but time on my own was so valuable to me that it was worth it.

Maybe just go and have a look around a couple of places and see how you feel.