Removing dummy at 8 months.

[May9322]

Hi there, just after some advice.

My husband and I decided to take the dummy off my daughter she’s 8 months old. She became more and more dependent on it over the last few weeks after nursery and grandparents just let her have it all day (we only allow for sleep) and she would cry until she had it all day then started crying at night for it so we decided enough was enough as nursery/grandparents wouldn’t stop giving it. I’m not after comments about us being cruel, give it back, we’re worried about her teeth/speech development as it’s in 24/7, so we’re after trying to help comfort her without the dummy. We don’t/haven’t been doing cry it out as we don’t want to, she escalates if we leave her for longer than a min crying just running up the stairs.

We are day 3 now.

Day one was weirdly, ok? She had 2 naps no dummy, little fuss before going in her cot fine. Went to bed that night with a bit of fuss but a cuddle sorted her out and off she went to sleep. She slept 7pm-4am and when she woke was inconsolable, nothing we did helped so we brought her to bed with us for a few more hours.

Day 2 was bad. Took about an hour to settle for both naps, both times screaming in distress even though we were cuddling her. My husband and I took it in turns to cuddle her/soothe her as it was hard for us both. She did get calmer and calmer as she settled and then slept her usual nap time no issues which we felt was a win. Come bed time my husband put her to bed after I bathed her, similar again but she calmed after about 20 mins and slept 7:30pm - 5am, same again inconsolable so brought her to bed with us.

Day 3 now, is where I’m at breaking point. I tried to put her down for her morning nap and she was the most distressed she’s been since we took it away. By the way through all of this - she’s had a full belly of food (3 meals + snacks she loooves food) and milk, clean nappy, checked she’s not hot/cold. I burst into tears and called my husband to help as I didn’t know what to do.

Shes never had a comforter other than the dummy. We’ve always offered teddies, the little comforter blanket things, muslin cloth, and she’s not interested at all. She likes to hold something so we’ve been given her teethers which she seems happy with as she has a little suck when she’s calm/dropping off.

Is there something obvious we haven’t tried? Are we at the point where she will improve? I’ve read stories of this going on for weeks which we just won’t do as she’s so upset.

Can't offer any advice but we are 6m and lo loves dummy and considering taking it away now as she constantly wakes in night when she loses if and we are both sleep deprived

But she is so windgy and Whiney at the mo and often cries / get frustrated so we use it to pacifier her ( and save our sanity ) and it does work

X

Personally I don’t see the point in taking it away at 8 months. I don’t know anyone who’s teeth were actually ruined by dummy’s it’s always “oh my cousins friends little girls teeth were ruined by dummies”

you’re hitting the age where developmental milestones are coming up along with separation anxiety really kicking it. If the dummy is going to help with that then it’s not an issue imo. As for the grandparents, why don’t you have a word about respecting your wishes? If you don’t want her having something then they should go along with that. I think that’s your main issue here, not the dummy

if you really do insist on taking it away then I’d advise replacing it with another comforter such as a small teddy etc. if you do this then you need to buy several of the same thing incase you lose one

I understand limiting it in the day but it is a good sleep aid so why make it harder for you all?

My DC had his dummy for awhile, way past 8months and his teeth are absolutely fine.

Speech delay but that is related to ASD.

Use it for just for sleep, give her is in the day if she's upset and needs calmed down.
Address with grandparents that you don't want it constantly in her mouth

Surely just be strict using it for sleep and get rid in the daytime rather than get rid totally?

My little one is 2 and still has it for sleep. We started off only letting her have it for naps and sleep. She’s dropped all naps now so only has it for night time. Once she understood a bit more we could say “dummy for bedtime only” and she’s totally fine with that now. I noticed lately she’s not as fussed about having it in and will often sleep fully without it once it’s fallen out. Don’t make your life harder.. it’s really fine for night time and naps! It’s such a comfort for them and it won’t be forever.

I think people forget what a dummy is for? It's to allow the innate need to suckle that baby would get from feeding. If we don't let them suckle they still need to, that need, compulsion doesn't go away. And natural weaning age, biologically, for humans is 5-7. I don't think it's fair for that reason, they need to do that action and it must be so frustrating for them not to have something to do it on.

If nursery/grandparents aren't respecting your wishes isn't this is a wider issue that's needs addressing? I understand it's hard with grandparents if you rely on them for childcare but if nursery are ignoring your wishes I'd be changing nurseries.

If you're adamant you're getting rid then I'd work on developing new sleep associations like a comforter or rocking/patting to sleep. Comforters only tend to work if they smell like you. Have you tried a worn T-shirt of yours?

I started by giving it less during the day and leaving it at night/nap time. Then gradually weaned her off it. Don't just go cold Turkey. I allowed her to have it if she was poorly or teething. Do it gradually. She'll forget about it one day.

We took the dummy away on Christmas Day just after the 2nd birthday - it worked beautifully, our toddler hardly missed it. Teeth and speech are all fine (He is 12 now). I agree with the opinion that 8 months is the wrong time to take something that your baby has come to rely on. It's the time when babies are in the midst of dealing with separation anxiety. Plus they are prone to sniffles in cold weather. I would wait.

How long has your little one been at nursery?

I'm wondering if she has recently started, is it a comfort thing for her there?
I worked in a nursery for many years and you would have parents say their child cannot have the dummy unless it's sleep time, however that child is away from their parents, in a new environment that they are getting use to and it can unsettle them.
Rather than them crying and making themselves poorly from that and also then unsettling all the other babies (and comforting from staff hasn't settled them) we would offer the dummy.

Grandparents would be another issue entirely, but ok trying to give a nursery perspective here.

Also, be wary of them finding their thumb now and starting to suck their thumb In replacement of the dummy. Dummies can be removed when they are bigger, a thumb can't

My children are adults. They are fluent speakers and have perfect teeth.

They had dummies until they gave up of their own accord.

I'd rather a dummy than a thumb is used. You can't take a thumb away

Mine all have fabulous teeth and all had dummy until about 2 1/2 years old. When we "gave away" dummies to "babies who needed them" (or binned) in a gift bag left out and swopped for a toy they wanted.

You've probably hit the high point today! With under 1's it usually takes about 4-5 days. Don't reintroduce it now.

@exhaustedsenta this is exactly the kind of thing I was looking for - a different perspective. Thank you for that. Thanks to the comments ref milestones/associations etc as maybe we didn’t consider all of these. I think there could be an element of scaremongering at play where people don’t like that I gave her a dummy and want to make out that she will suffer for it? Parenting and all the opinions is great right?!

I caved today and gave it to her as I really don’t like leaving my daughter to cry. She fell asleep instantly and I feel rotten for her being so upset today. We will speak to nursery about her not having a dummy unless sleeping but for 2 days a week if she has it a bit more I don’t see it as an issue.

I have had a chat with my mum too who is the culprit of ‘she wants it give it’ and made it clear she must follow our rules…it’s not the first time we’ve had to have the conversation unfortunately. She thinks I’m obsessively mothering when I ask to do things our way because ‘I did it this way in my day and it was fine’ but people warned me this happens with grandparents. I’m sure it won’t be the last time I just feel like I’m constantly moaning which I feel bad about as she helps us out so much and we’re so grateful!

If it helps my SIL has a particularly difficult child and she said she weaned him off the dummy surprisingly easily (when he was 2 or 3 I'm not sure exactly) using some kind of dummy set off of Amazon which specifically is designed to help them wean off. I think maybe the dummy teat part gets gradually smaller and smaller or something so eventually they don't want it anymore. Just wanted to mention incase it helps

If you had something you totally and utterly loved and depended on for comfort and someone just took it away, I’m sure you’d feel pretty upset too! I really couldn’t get my knickers in a twist over dummies. If it helps your child sooth herself then great, go for it. Encourage its use only for nap/sleep times. That’s how I handled it with my children. DC1 was a chilled out baby who could take it or leave it but DC2 didn’t stop crying from the moment she was born! Dummy was a life saver. I waited until she was ready to give it up and when she was 3 she decided that the time was right. Both my DC are now very articulate preteens with no dental issues (and DC2 has finally stopped crying!!)