Baby Sleep- help a 1st time mum.

[BMEC]

Hi all I'm a first time mum and would love to hear other experiences. My baby is 10 weeks old. He's never been a great sleeper and for the first 4 weeks I tried him in the next to me crib and he would never settle so we ended up cosleeping. My partner was always knackered for work due to constant feeding (breastfed baby).

At 7 weeks old I moved into the nursery with my baby who "sleeps" in his big cot in a sleep nest and swaddled yes I know its not recommended. I sleep on a mattress beside him.

He goes 2 hours between feeds. When hes not feeding, he will only stay asleep on his own during the night for 1hour. He then needs to be rocked or held for 15 mins before putting him in the cot again. Sometimes it takes several attempts for him to stay asleep. He often opens his eyes and starts laughing/cooing/kicking his legs which I know is due to overtiredness. I tried leaving him to see if he would self sooth but he carried on being hyper and was protesting for 1hr30 and I couldn't take it anymore.

Day naps are a nightmare. I am very aware of wake windows but he wont go in the cot for these either. If he does he only sleeps for 20mins at a time. I dont want him to be overtired so he has contact naps duting the day or in the pram.

Please tell me this gets better? I really don't want to give in to cosleeping again. Any advice is appreciated!

Honestly? Chill

your baby is COMPLETELY NORMAL and you’re doing a fantastic job! Society has us believing that babies waking up means they’re a ‘bad sleeper’ when this could not be further away from the truth. They are biologically designed to wake up. They’re also biologically designed to sleep with/on us which is why they always sleep better when this happens. The western world are the only countries where we separate baby and mum and expect babies to sleep. This is why we get sold the sleep training bullshit

To put it nicely, it’s not about your partners sleep needs so please do not prioritise his tiredness above your own babies sleep. There’s always the sofa, another room etc for your partner if he’s that tired.

I don’t mean this horrible but why on earth are you expecting a 10 week old baby to self soothe? babies can’t even begin to do that until at least 6 months and even then, most still can’t.

ignore wake windows and all that (to a degree). Your baby will only sleep if it’s tired, expecting it to sleep just because google tells you it should be is unrealistic. Follow your babies lead and they’ll sleep when they’re tired.

fwiw, we only contact napped until 12 months during the day as that’s when my son decided he was ready to sleep by himself in his cot. he is now 16 months old and some nights he sleeps through others he doesn’t

babies are constantly going through mental developments and milestones and sleep is the number 1 thing that is disrupted.

remember - you cannot force your baby to sleep. You cannot force your baby to stay asleep, even adults wake up and do not sleep through. Stressing will just make yourself, and baby, feel worse

if your partner is tired then welcome him to the club. Just because he’s going out to work doesn’t mean his sleep is more important than yours, or babies. You just gotta get through it together and help each other out

In the nicest possible way, 10 weeks is not old enough to "never have been a good sleeper".

This is what 10 week old sleep looks like I'm afraid.

What's wrong with cosleeping? He sounds like a normal baby, and yes to the above about "he's never been a good sleeper". He has slept like a normal newborn human infant for the few weeks he's been here.

I know this.. I just also know lots of babies that are sleeping through the night already and have slept in their cribs from day dot. Not comparing at all but just want to know when things get easier in people's experience.

He's very small.
Carry on co-sleeping in your bed and your partner can sleep in the nursery.
Around 4/5 months they can self settle.

My kids are adults now but our grandchild is 2. I have never heard of a baby in their cot from day one. Your baby sounds perfectly normal for 10 weeks.

Thanks. I know so many people, they must be lying I don't understand how it's possible when they've just come out the womb!

I just don't feel I'm able to cosleep safely there has been moments where he's almost fell off the bed despite me trying to be careful. So I can't sleep doing that either with the constant worry. Is it wrong for me to want him to sleep in his own space? It is certainly doable in reason and being aware of age related expectations.

It is not realistic to expect a newborn to sleep in their own sleep space. You need to manage your expectations.

Very, very few babies sleep through the night. Sleep isn’t linear, it goes through good patches and bad, and being able to self soothe isn’t a skill they are able to develop until their toddler years.

This is a great article on the reality of baby sleep:

sarahockwell-smith.com/2017/07/24/the-rollercoaster-of-real-baby-sleep/

Many 2-3 year olds still have repeated night wakes and again, that’s normal.

Even if people you know have babies who sleep through the night, it might not last for them, or they might just have a unicorn baby. Comparing won’t make you feel any less tired, I spent ages wondering why mine didn’t sleep - worry about didn’t help.

My experience might not be what you want to hear but having realistic expectations can help with feeling like you aren’t doing everything wrong! My baby slept through the night once after his 16 week jabs. He hadn’t done so since and he is 18 months.

We contact napped until about 12 months as he would nap alone until then, I did enjoy this though and made sure I had a hot cup of tea, a book, and a packet of biscuits.

We did a mixture of cosleeping/next to me until 7 months when sleep became more challenging and we started cosleeping full time. Now he comes into our bed sometime between 12-2am after starting the night in his own bed, but we only started this a few weeks ago. He still wakes a few times a night and I honestly doubt have survived without cosleeping.

Read up on safe cosleeping, this would likely be significantly safer than a sleep nest. Lean in into realistic baby sleep, and enjoy your baby. It’s not at all easy, but you are already doing a great job.

Read up on safe co-sleeping! From the moment we brought baby home from the hospital, she would only sleep on me. It’s what she knew and I am her safe space. I was happy to to respond to her needs but scared at the same time due to all the fear mongering out there regarding co-sleeping. My partner read up on how to do it safely and we’ve done it ever since. Perhaps try just having the mattress on the floor or a floor bed. Baby won’t have far to “fall”

Get a bed rail?

They are not safe.

I have an 11 week old, he's only just started to sleep for longer stretches at night. I used to go to bed at the same time as him at night (we just followed his lead initially so he was going down for sleep about 11 and then sleeping on later during the day and we've just started to move that back by an hour or so at a time. I think being beside him, singing to him, stroking his face and I nursed him to sleep helped him adjust to the next to me cot. During the day he never sleeps in his cot, he sleeps in his wee bouncer (it lies flat) or in his wrap or on one of us. I make plenty of noise, keep the room bright etc during his daytime naps. Then at night I take him up about an hour before, we do a short warm bath, pj's and sleeppod are warmed a bit on the radiator just so they don't feel cold going on, then I nurse him wind him, give him his soother, we read a book and play some gentle music in the background, lights all very low and he goes over in my arms then I set him into the next to me. If he wakes I talk to him and stroke his face and just tell him step by step our day until he goes back over again. At the minute he's had a few wakes because he's started teething a bit and there's a growth spurt around 12 weeks so he's much hungrier. One other thing I do is feed with him lying on his left hand side for his last few feeds and for any night feeding and pump my left side, that positions helps them get their wind up so his tummy is more comfortable for going to sleep. I still get the odd night where he's up every few hours and then I just lower my expectations of myself for the next day and try to nap myself when he does. I'm not sure any of that is helpful but hopefully yours will settle soon, it sounds like it's a sign he's very attached to you and loves being close to mummy so you're clearly doing a great job.

Riiiight.

You can be as sarcastic as you want. They aren’t safe.

They should never be used for under 2s due to the increased risk of them getting trapped between the rail and the bed.

Many babies and toddlers have died this way.

Thank you so much

Have you got a next to me crib, op? If not give them a google. They attach onto the side of the bed and sleep next to you but essentially they’re in their own little crib - no way for them to fall out or for you to roll onto them. It’s nearest thing to bed sharing but without actually bed sharing

i think you’re better off getting your partner to sleep elsewhere in the house so you can have the bed if you do get a next to me crib

Yes we have got one and tried with no luck he wouldn't sleep in it at all even being relatively close to me

Our baby (8 weeks) is the same. We have found that putting her in the next to me crib with the side down and an arm around her help her settle. Sometimes I can remove the arm, sometimes I have to sleep with it in her crib. Its uncomfy but it gets us sleep and I know it's a phase.

Thanks I will give this a go tonight. Its about time I moved back into my own bedroom!

Good morning all!
@BMEC- my baby is 17 weeks old, how old is your little one now?
I think the important thing is to remember that everything is a phase. My baby would not sleep anywhere (in the day) but on me in her first 15 weeks of life, but slept in her cot from day 1. From week 15, I started putting her in her cot for a lunch time nap. My family/friends would lecture me on 'you'll be nap trapped' etc but I knew a long lunch stretch worked for me and my mental health. Despite the good advice in this thread, don't let anyone make you feel bad for any questions that you ask. I am also a first time parent and have no clue what I'm doing, but everything you're asking is completely valid. There aren't any stupid questions ever, especially at a FTM and having a new baby!!! How are things now?