At what age do you feel you should be able to rely on your child to get his/herself dressed and out to school without being told constantly what to do next

[saltire]

10 times in the past 15 minutes I have asked - note asked, not yelled at - DS2 to get his school shoes on and sweatshirt on. Has he done it. has he heck. he is tapping away at a plastic tumlberfull of frozen water!. He is 8. Everyhting is such an effort with him. Everything is just "let me finish this" or "mum guess what happens to the dalek when I press this. look. Look.LOOK" followed by "Ok your not looking, that's fine, I don't care" and then will sit sulking on his bed for another 10 minutes. As you will see it's now almost 9am. We live across the road from the school.

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my 9 year old daughter does it
my 12 year old son can't but is "working towards"

Yup, for boys early 20s at least

ds 3 1/2 gets imself dress if I trick him into a game or story or dream thing to distract, dd no problem generally shes 5 but can be difficult sometimes.

My dd is 5 she can do all her 'jobs' without being nagged but we do them in 3 phases that I prompt.. Sometimes she will do them everything ebfore she comes to find me with a big grin on her face announcing "Mummy, I've done all my jobs"

She knows the quicker she gets things done the more free time she has between being finished and school to play without me nagging her. She also recognises that the atmosphere is much more pleasant if she gets things done as I'm not spending the whole time nagging.. so much nicer when it's not completely fraught.

Five. But I've got girls. Why/does this make a difference?

Finally got him there! I just feel that he should be able to do these things without pissing about!. It's the same at bath or shower time. The shower will be running and he's prancing round the bedroom, naked, looking for toys to play with. our bathroom looks like the film set at Pinewwod studios. they are alll in there - Darth Vader, Scooby Doo, Robin Hood!. Then he won't have washed himself after 5 minutes becasue he's playing, then he won't get out straight way because he's doing an experiment!, or "just let me finish this game, etc,etc"

they need to see actions (or lack of) have consequences. at bed time I set the buzzer on the cooker and tell them I'll meet them on the sofa (in their room) in 10 minutes. and that I will start reading the story. even if they're not there I only had to do it once. they are now on the sofa, teeth brushed, pjs on, when the buzzer goes off. I've been trying to think if you can do something similar in the mornings - but a bit lacking in inspiration.

having said that, and having, on the whole got bed-time sorted, I still concur that this whole thing takes years.

Another thing I have noticed (but not always acted on ) is that if you yourself don;t concentrate on the task in hand (ie you have a sneaky look at mn ) they notice and downgrade the task accordingly. which is kind of understandable.

Nope my two girls are 13 & nearly 11-both need chivvying although we do have the odd flash-in-the-pan when they come down fully dressed AND pack their bags without asking.

Its about 18 I believe. ds1 is forvere missing the bus into town where his school is and having to wait for another one cos he takes sooooooooooo loooooooooooooong getting ready. He's 14 and needs constant chivvying.
And its only 18 cos you've heaved them out and don't hafta watch

that would really irritate me. I think I must be a terrible nag and very lazy.

Depends on the child, I'd say. I was fairly good at these things from an early age and so was my elder brother, but my younger brother was one of those people who find it difficult to wake up and feel sick in the morning. Not from stress or school phobia but simply because his metabolism took a long time to get going. So he did need waking up several times and some nagging. Not a male thing I don't think, my Mum was also a bad morning person (so my Dad got lumbered with the nagging).
Dd (11) has health problems, with a lot of pain in the mornings, so that doesn't really count.
Ds (7) was very good a year ago, but seems to have gone into regression- maybe it's watching dd have her breakfast in bed. These days he seems to need half an hour to pull his pants up. To make mornings more bearable, I have divided my time strictly into First Morning Call, Second Morning Call etc, and they know what they are supposed to achieve by each stage.

Hatwoman has a good point at the end of her post: seeing the parent inactive does have an effect. Perhaps we should ask the moderator to close Mumsnet down between 8 and 9 in the morning

bossybritches - my dd is 12 and it is the same. She does most things, but has to be jollied along in the morning. She is so slow! And I still have to remind her to clean her teeth every bloody morning.

I can see life staying like this for the immediate future!

My ds will be 14 in may and just about manages this now.So I would say 13 although i still prompt him on a few things.So 8 is young and boys seem slower than girls ime

5 1/2.
My son now gets dressed into his uniform when he wakes up. It is laid out next to his bed so he knows what to put on. Then he will dress himself, shoes etc, and get his bag when I tell him it is time, he does this whil I dress his brother.

Is there something else going on? Are you in a battle situation like "you dont do as I ask, so I wont either" - referring to your own example in your OP.

My DS who is 7 was a nightmare at this but I have detected a bit of improvment recently.

I can usually get him moving by saying I bet you cannot get fully dressed by the time I have counted to 20.

This works a treat and he gets dressed like lightning, otherwise he will spend forever getting dressed in front of the telly.

my brother and sister are 17 and 14. they still need coaxing out the door

Mine are all girls, but they get pandered to a bit. I only just stopped DH putting the toothpaste on DD1's toothbrush for her every night, by dint of constant jibes about Prince Charles and his valet. She is 10. He still lays out her clothes for her every morning though.

my 14 yo boy stil cant get himself to school

I have over the years taken each of the children to school in their pyjamas. Once and once only. Cruel, but effective.

frogs
Actually into the school??

ds 7 is like that, dd 4 much better.....

7 yr old boy - yes
10 yr old girl - working towards
50 yr old husband - its 20 past 8 - time to get up !