Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

Original poster

Should I leave my daughter knowing she will be upset?

22 replies

Alice786 · 11/02/2023 22:28

I have to travel for ivf treatment abroad. My 6 year old daughter is very attached to me and is getting upset since I told her i will have to go away for 4 days. I will be leaving her with my mum who I know will take care of her well. I am just wondering if I should leave her with my mum knowing she will be upset initially but I am hoping she will be ok afterwards or should itake her out of school for 4 days and take her with me?

I haven't really ever left her overnight with anyone before and she is quite an emotional child. I don't want her crying the whole time I'm away....

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Armadunno · 11/02/2023 22:36

How would you manage to look after DD whilst at the fertility clinic? Would they even allow her in the clinic whilst you had scans, EC or ET or whatever?
I think it would probably be less stressful for you if she stayed with your DM so you didn’t have to juggle everything whilst having treatment.

Wonderpoo · 11/02/2023 22:43

Most children are attached to their parents. But they should be fine for a few days with someone they know well.

why have you never left her overnight before? Does she not go to sleepovers? Your mum hasn’t babysat whilst you’ve gone out?

rattlinbog · 11/02/2023 22:47

Make it really fun: a holiday with Granny. Be positive and upbeat about it. Talk about all the great things they'll do together. An IVF clinic is not a place for kids for many reasons.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6 year olds Families General parenting

Ponderingwindow · 11/02/2023 22:48

Are you traveling with another adult? If not, taking your daughter simply isn’t an option.

I don’t know exactly what stage you are at, but I’m guessing if it is 4 days it is not limited to office, bloodwork, and even a simple gynecological exam. invasive is an understatement for many procedures along this pathway. Just like you wouldn’t expect to be able to manage a young child while a surgeon is holding a scalpel, you wouldn’t be able to manage a child during some of the procedures women deal with when seeing a reproductive endocrinologist.

Mummyof287 · 11/02/2023 22:49

Wonderpoo · 11/02/2023 22:43

Most children are attached to their parents. But they should be fine for a few days with someone they know well.

why have you never left her overnight before? Does she not go to sleepovers? Your mum hasn’t babysat whilst you’ve gone out?

Sleepovers?! She's only six!

Mummyof287 · 11/02/2023 22:53

If it was a baby or toddler i would say no definitely take them with you.But i think at that age, if she has a good relationship with your mum she will be fine, as long as you prepare her well for it.We are lucky in this day and age to be able to do videocalls, so maybe do that regularly especially at bedtime to say goodnight etc.
She may be abit unsettled but at 6 I doubt she will cry inconsolably for long periods.xx

NewDogOwner · 11/02/2023 23:19

Do a trial night so she can get used to it. To never have left her and then leave her for several nights is unfair.

Lcb123 · 11/02/2023 23:21

Sorry but tough love necessary. She will be safe and looked after, and you need to make sure your own anxieties aren’t being projected onto her, around the trip.

Wonderpoo · 11/02/2023 23:29

@Mummyof287 mine was going to them at 6. With her best friends and parents who we knew well

Daffodilsandtuplips · 11/02/2023 23:38

Mummyof287 · 11/02/2023 22:49

Sleepovers?! She's only six!

Show quote history

My grandchildren have been having regular sleepovers with us since my grandson was three weeks old. I didn’t ask to have him, his parents did.
He’s stayed with us for days at a time on several occasions when his little sister has been hospitalised.
They both love coming for a sleepover.

WinnieFosterReads · 11/02/2023 23:43

It depends on your DD and who else will be with you when you're away.

ComfortablyDazed · 11/02/2023 23:47

You definitely need to prepare her, if she’s never stayed overnight away from you before, and is attached to you.

Can you have her stay overnight with your Mum before you have to go away?

Your Mum will need to make sure it’s fun, and that she’ll want to go back - so relaxed, rules loosened a bit, some enjoyable activities, etc.

WinterFoxes · 11/02/2023 23:48

Don't focus on you going away. Focus on when you get back. Ask her what she wants you to bring her back from your trip (that way she knows you are thinking of her while you are gone) - even if you have to buy whatever it is on Amazon in advance and hide it. Discuss things she can do with granny and tell her you'll both miss each other but you can both handle it and it's only four days. Maybe help her make a mini 4 day diary with things she might do with granny each day and an X to cross off when she'll be back. For a 6 year old 4 days is a much bigger % of her lifetime than it is yours, so she just needs loads of reassurance you'll be back.

Original poster

Alice786 · 12/02/2023 00:36

Sorry I didn't mention my husband is going with me so he would be able to look after her if we brought her along. Thank you everyone for some really good advice about helping prepare her, i think I will try a trail night with my mum. My mum's babysat during the day but not over night. I think deep down I probably feel anxious about leaving her also as I won't be able to be there and do everything how she likes it. Recently she told me she randomly cries at school because she misses me so I'm just thinking if she'll be ok. She also has Sen so I am extra protective of her but I don't want to stifle her independence and am hoping this may help her also...

OP posts:

IDontWantToBeAPie · 12/02/2023 00:41

It's only 4 days... she'll have to learn independence eventually

cadburyluver · 12/02/2023 10:51

Surely a night with your mum beforehand considering she is being with her for 4 nights surely

Someone who has gone through ivf myself
But I chose a London clinic so I didn't have to leave mine. Abroad is out of the question when you have other children Imo but the fact you have chosen to go abroad then have to take the good with the bad in afraid. Mine is 11 and I felt the same
Attached and that she would miss me too much

cadburyluver · 12/02/2023 10:52

Could you go with your mum instead and leave your husband with your daughter ?

DaffodilSunshine · 12/02/2023 16:27

I took my then 3 year old abroad with us when we went. It meant my husband couldn't come in the clinic room with me but at least I didn't have to leave him. Although him coming obviously didn't involve missing school!

Original poster

Alice786 · 12/02/2023 23:24

I've been before in the school holidays and took her with me, it was meant to be done in one go but unfortunately it didn't work out this way as I got ovary hyperstimulation syndrome so we have to go back just for the embryo transfer which was also supposed to be in the holidays but got delayed again. Logically it makes sense to leave her with my mum as she's got school but emotionally it's difficult as I know she will be upset and I will worry about her too.

OP posts:

StillDoingDumbShit · 12/02/2023 23:35

Take her with you, she’ll be happier and it’ll stop you worrying.

Our daughter hated being away from us at that age, we now know she has autism which was why she struggled so much with it. You say your daughter has SEN too. Now our daughter is older and can explain her feelings, including how she felt when she was younger, I’m glad we didn’t listen to anyone saying she needs to be more independent or she’ll be fine being left.

Kindnessandcourage · 12/02/2023 23:47

I would say please take her with you given the fact that she is so attached to you. She can stay with the dad when you are undergoing ivf besides you would not be worried about her during the procedure. Good luck op.

Return2thebasic · 12/02/2023 23:52

If she has SEN, and also the fact you are trying to have another child which probably has already made her wary of losing your attention (if it makes sense), I'd make an effort taking her with for the trip.

Flip