Behaviour deterioration at 3

[jeepjeep4]

So upset - why is this happening. My usually lovely little boy has just turned so badly behaviours wise since he turned 3 (November) but particularly since a few weeks ago when he started full days at nursery. I know he is probably tired but gosh he is so defiant. I'm in a constant battle of wills with a small child but trying to stay calm and not give him too much power. It's honestly easier to give in sometimes. Sorry to ramble but I've just spent an hour trying to get him to sleep after being asked to leave my sisters house due to his behaviour (not listening when asked to tidy up mess he made). He cried and cried, told me he doesn't like me etc. Eventually he cried himself to sleep while I held him on the landing, I felt like joining him in the tears.

It's so frustrating that he wants his own way all
the time but of course at three there's no reasoning with him.

Advice or solidarity will help !!

I found three the hardest age- they are so independent and so unreasonable! No longer a compliant baby just happy to be tickled, and not yet a 4 year old conversationalist. They dont understand anything but they think they do! You will get through it

All of my 3 DCs spawned into evil little buggers for about a year between 2.5 and 3.5. They were delightful before and returned to being delightful afterwards. As teens, they are all positively charming. It's a phase that unfortunately most kids go through. It will get better.

Yeah I thought we’d got away with it as he was totally fine through 2 but the threenager stage is something else. they basically crave autonomy and independence so with mine I basically don’t sweat the small stuff, let him make choices, let him be in charge of anything that doesn’t matter and if I can see it’s going to be tricky I make it a game. It makes the things that do matter much easier to deal with.

I also talk him through what our day will entail and repeat it through the day so there’s no surprises. Use a timer, talk about emotions and behaviour when he’s calm (we have books that we read nightly) ensure there’s immediate consequences for behaviour (throws a toy the toy is taken away) Stay calm and firm. We generally get through most days unscathed aside from those where he’s really tired.

Your DS is not being naughty, he just wants to be in charge of his own destiny but doesn’t yet have the emotional development or ability to be able to do everything himself.

Does your sister have kids? Seems harsh to make him leave. My sister would have my back in those circs!

Good luck - i’d recommend Big Little Feelings on Instagram.

My DS also turned 3 in November and has been really difficult ever since! Tantrums, not listening, refusing to share etc we also had to leave a friends house as he repeatedly kept on destroying his friends tower blocks despite being told not to and seeing it was upsetting his friend. I have no advice but just wanted you to know you are not alone! We also didn’t have terrible 2’s. I’ve also heard from friends that they struggled with 3 yo DC. I hope it’s a phase that passes soon for us both!

It's not refered to as threenager for no reason. We called DD1 "hulk" at this stage as she'd just fly into these rages, she regularly refused to go to bed or get dressed (I took her to nursery in PJs more than once).

I picked my battles and would decide whether sometimes were worth a rage about. Can confirm at 5 she's lovely, tidies up, kind to others, sleeps fine. Just a shame her little sister is starting the same phase now....😭