Discussing death with a preschooler

[HorriblePrep]

Sorry, not a subject that anyone wants to think about on a Saturday night.

DD is three, and reasonably close to her aunt (my SIL) We see her every few weeks, and DD loves spending time with her cousins (SIL’s children) who are 2, 3 and 5.

SIL has a brain tumour and is increasingly ill, we’re not expecting her to live for more than a few months.

Thinking ahead, how can we talk to DD about this, before and after she dies?

She’ll know that SIL has gone, and of course we’ll be doing whatever we can to support BIL and their kids so we’ll be around a lot of grief.

BIL and SIL have input from a specialist to help with their children, but I don’t Want to burden them with this much less important question.

any thoughts much appreciated.

Winstons wish is a fabulous charity www.winstonswish.org and has some good resources

I think simple honesty is the best and avoid euphemisms as they can sometimes cause unexpected upset and confusion.

I am in a slightly similar situation. My little one has a therapist and her advice was to gently expand her understanding of death now so that when it happens she understands what has happened. So using stories and films, talking about previous pets maybe, noticing things in nature. Keep it simple and gentle just noticing and mentioning things to help her understand. Also don't hide your emotions from her entirely. Help her feel less confused and afraid by voicing eg, goodness I'm feeling really sad about X and sometimes when I feel sad I have a cry and that's ok. That way she's not afraid of your emotions or her own.

Also as already mentioned there are some fab charities that have or can signpost great resources to support.

I think be clear and honest is important as pp said. Don't use euphemisms like 'she's gone to sleep' etc.

There is a great podcast called Griefcast (and book) which would be a good listen in terms of dealing with your DD, but also your grief, your DH's grief, BIL and nieces and nephews etc. There are lots of episodes but the ones with Julia Samuel, a grief counselor would be a good place to start. She also has a book, which is supposed to very helpful although I haven't read it myself.

There are children's books called 'Badgers Parting Gifts' and 'Goodbye Mog' which deal with death in a way young children can understand. Also, 'Michael Rosen's Sad Book' and 'The Heart and the bottle' (these one maybe a little grown up for a three year old, but could be useful a little bit down the line).