feel sad for my newborn

[stupidpost]

this is a daft post i’m sure but i just feel so sad for my newborn. she’s 7 weeks and i feel like her life so far has been so crappy. she was an emergency section at 36 weeks and struggled to put on weight - has a mild tongue tie, didn’t get back to birth weight until 3 or 4 weeks and had jaundice until day 21. at 5 weeks had bronchiolitis and was on oxygen and had a feeding tube. came home and caught my toddlers chicken pox. keeps coughing still 3 weeks on from bronchiolitis and throwing up atleast half of her feeds etc.

on top of that my toddler loves her but is quite over affectionate and will try to cuddle her or kiss her quite hard, also sometimes scratches or hits her (obviously i stop this as much as possible but sometimes i’m just not quick enough)

just feel sad for her. she’s got a big sister who gets most of the attention because if she doesn’t she gets really jealous, she’s had tubes shoved down her nose and a hospital stay already etc. just feel crap and guilty. don’t know the point of this post

All your baby will remember in time is she had a great dm and a loving sister!!

Not wanting to read and run. Your youngest hasn't had an easy start to life regarding health, things will improve with the correct care and support.
As for you, how are you really? You're juggling two and mentally your youngest health is like a heavy weight because you don't know how to cope. It's new. It's different. Chin up you are amazing that you are coping and being brave to post about this!

But she won’t remember any of this… she’s had a rough time of it, bless her. Hopefully she’s over the worst of it now, things will get better, she will get stronger.

i’m ok i’ve been put on sertraline because my anxiety has been through the roof, mostly at night i just stare at her breathing and can’t sleep etc. also feel guilty for my toddler because she was breastfed until last month when i cut her off cold turkey because i couldn’t cope with tandem feeding, and i think that’s partially why she’s hitting baby because it’s mostly when im feeding baby that she does it :/ just a lot of guilt haha

My Ds (now 7 ) had a very similar start . He was in hospital for 6 weeks before he came home and was constantly prodded , poked and was tube fed .
He looks at wonder at photos now and can’t believe it’s him . He is the happiest , best natured boy ever and loves cuddles . I think I was more traumatised and guilt ridden than anything else and so are you probably . Your baby won’t remember a thing except growing up loved .

Oh poor little mite! A bit of a rough start!

but she'll absorb the feelings, not the actions/illness.

just love her & she'll be fine.

at times you can't be sitting with them both, put her in a sling.

babies are resilient, a bit of an enthusiastic toddler hug won't hurt her, but being bashed over the head with a toy might, so sling & go!

congratulations!!

You sound like an amazing mum! She won't remember any of this but she will know how much she was loved

DS2 had chicken pox at a week old. If it's any consolation he's almost 18 now and never had it again.

Don't feel guilty but its natural to do so tbh. Parents know best for their children

I understand op but as time goes on and her life becomes more of the nicer things than what she's been through it will get better and all of this will be a distant memory.
My son was readmitted to hospital for low weight and bad jaundice. The birth was terrible and I was exhausted and slept through when I should have been waking to feed him.
My second son had covid and chicken pox in his first four months of life.

But now he's 14m I can barely remember it at all and he's a super happy baby.

It will be ok

If it helps at all, I had a rough time as a baby. I vomited everything for 6 months, inc old blood, struggled to put weight on, had 2 older siblings who wanted a boy, caught everything they had, inc chicken pox, severely ( I still have the scars on the roof of my mouth!) My mum lost tons of weight through stress as I was constantly ill and ended up in hospital with a tube down my throat.

I don't remember any of it but had a wonderful childhood with 2 fantastic older siblings who entertained me and looked out for through everything. I'm sure your baby will say the same in 30 years!

I bet she ends up being a very resilient young woman who can deal with anything. She has a loving family and this very difficult period will be behind you and it will all seem very different.

Oh bless you. I found the first few months with 2 really challenging and our second was in and out of hospital for a bit. We got our toddler a few pictures books about having a new baby. He never showed much interest in them (he was all about trains at the time!) but one of them had the picture of the Mum carrying the baby in a cat seat by the handle with the toddler holding the handle too. So after 3 weeks of ignoring the baby, he started holding on to the handle like he had seen the photo. Your toddler will find it hard to adjust to the new baby and the breastfeeding finishing and all the other changes but the emotional turmoil of ab ill newborn will evoke some emotions for your toddler. But that’s all ok and part of life. A lovely friend who had been through it all a few decades before me told me two things that have always stuck with me. 1: just hang in there. With two it gets easier once the baby is 6 weeks, then 3 months, then 6 months, easier again at 9 months and by the time a year has gone by a new family of 4 will be fully settled into their family life. 2: your role as a parent isn’t to stop your children from feeling the pain of difficult emotions but to hold onto those emotions for them and give them back in bite size chunks as as when they can cope with them. All a child needs to build resilience is one adult in their life that they can depend on who’s face will genuinely light up just because the child has walked into the room.

i used to find telling the toddler how I wanted him to treat baby worked better than telling him what not to do (the whole concept thingy about how humans can’t think in negatives… eg don’t think about a hippo in a pink polka dot bikini. So I used to say to him we kiss, cuddle and stroke the baby. That wasn’t foolproof but it worked really well.

All the best.

You come across as an amazing Mum. It is difficult when your children are young and going through difficult times. Try not to worry too much, look after your own health too, I promise that things will get better and you’ll have a great time with your kids as they grow. You love your children, that’s what counts.

Neither of them will remember one moment from these few months.

It will all seem easier soon, hang in there, you're doing great 👍