Tantrums after starting school

[Zozo1990]

Hi,

I've posted before about my 3 years 9 month old starting a new nursery. They said he gets emotional about going to the toilet or joining in some activities. He's been there for 3 weeks now. He's started shouting at home and crying when he is told to stop an activity and tidy up, and he's started weeing in his pants thrice over the last week and a half. He never wets himself, been potty trained over a year and he sleeps through dry too. I'm just wondering if this is linked to school? In preschool he never had emotional reactions to change of activities or anything else. They said he was confident and caring, always chipping in with everything.

The staff at school are avoiding me now at pick up and drop off and not making eye contact or saying good morning but only acknowledge my child, since I said to them he's only 3 and finding his feet at a new school, when they rang in the evening two weeks into his school start saying they're concerned because he gets emotional sometimes upon being asked to do something. I think there have been about 3 or 4 upsets in 3 weeks that he's been there. The teacher has also remarked the other children are more mature than he is. Not sure what is meant by that. Pre school have never flagged up anything.

What do I do?

Why did you move him? You describe this setting as a school but he is only 3 so I’m wondering if this is a nursery attached to a school. In my experience they can be a less relaxed environment with more discipline and a lower staff to child ratio. This doesn’t suit all children.

It is a school nursery.

We moved him as he will be starting reception in September and wanted him to get adjusted to school life.

I just feel like the vibe from the staff is off with me, and I don't want to carry on at a school where the parent/teacher realtionship is going to be like this. I mean, I don't expect them to be my friends but do expect the same courtesy that is afforded to other parents. I'm a secondary teacher, so I feel a good relationship with school is vital in the EYFS stage of my child's life.

When my eldest moved from a private nursery to a school nursery age 3 it was a massive change. Going from a room of 15 or so kids that she knew and staff who were there all day to a nursery with about 50 kids in 5 groups but all in a free flow set of classrooms with staff moving between the groups. It took us about 3 months to settle in but it got much better by age 4 and starting school was a breeze as by then she knew all the kids.

There are other children who have started with my son and she said they're all fine, it's only him who isn't mature like the rest.

He's been there 3 weeks. How long is long enough for him to settle?

I wouldn’t worry about the ‘not mature’ comment, it’s an awful thing to say about a 3 year old. I would persevere as it’s the school he will be attending. If you speak to staff again put the onus on them. So if they say he is behaving a certain way you ask what they can do to help with that. At the end of the day you are not there so what do they expect you to do?!

I’m going to go against the grain here. Speak to him, speak to the staff. Use your gut. If he isn’t happy and staff aren’t engaging in way you expect consider moving him. We had reception age child go through similar. Escalating from wetting himself to much worse I don’t want to go into. In the end we moved him and he thrived. Many years ago now but not all environments- mix of kids, key workers, are right for all kids. I always regret not moving him sooner.

I have been thinking about moving to another school when the offers are given if their attitude doesn't improve. I want a conducive relationship with my child's school, not one where I am ignored and the atmosphere is uncomfortable. Trudt is broken down then, and how can I leave my child there?!

They've all been chatting about me/my child as well because two of the support staff have said oh your son is like that because he's never been to a setting before. When the fact is he has been in pre school for 9 months before starting here. And secondly, what do they mean he is like that... It's so horrible to hear. Maybe I'm being over sensitive but I haven't seen any concerning behaviour from him except he is a fussy eater.