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Partner not helping, advice needed

7 replies

littlemissmummyof3 · 11/02/2023 08:30

Both me and my partner work and have a 4,5 & nearly 8 month old. I’ve always got up in the night because he “doesn’t wake up”. Anyway, my baby has been waking up more for feeds recently in the night, I walk 2 miles to get my eldest to school everyday with other kiddies in tow. For a while he was great around the house but still never helped in the night. But recently he’s not even really helping round the house unless I nag and nag which mostly I end up doing stuff myself. He doesn’t think for our family whatsoever like I do and I feel like I have the weight of everything on my shoulders. I work from home and childcare is so expensive, my 4 year old goes for 2 half days but other than that I have 2 children at home with me whilst I juggle housework, looking after them and trying to get work done, then I’m up frequently with baby. I’ve communicated this and still doesn’t get up or do the late feed before bed. He went fishing last Sunday and has said he is going tomorrow morning for a few hours. I said I’m happy with that if he does his bit but I’ve still found myself asking for the bare minimum. I’ve given him the ultimatum of I will not be with him if this continues but I know I wouldn’t be able to get him to go. He would make that as difficult as humanly possible. Sorry for the long vent I’m just at my wits end x

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 11/02/2023 09:13

Firstly, if he has time off for fishing etc, you have the same. And you must make it happen, go out and leave him to it.
‘Then you calmly discuss who is going to be responsible for what.
If it doesn’t happen, you assess your options. And I’m the mean time, get those ducks in a row in case you need them.

Wolfiefan · 11/02/2023 09:14

It isn’t helping. It’s being a parent and an adult.
Is it your place? You could absolutely get him to leave if you want him to go.

Dillydollydingdong · 11/02/2023 09:34

There's no point in you getting him to leave. You'd be on your own then, with absolutely no help at all and no chance of any. Say to him that if he wants time out, you'll have the same.

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KangarooKenny · 11/02/2023 09:49

Sometimes it’s easier to be alone than doing for another capable person, and living with anger and resentment.

HonestPinkDuck · 06/03/2024 22:35

I'm with KangarooKenny on this!

Scarletttulips · 06/03/2024 22:41

Change your language.

He shouldn’t be helping - he should be a responsible adult and share the load .

Yoi shouldn’t be working and looking after children - that’s too difficult.

Give him a list of basic tasks that his responsibility- shopping or cleaning the bathrooms - washing up and wiping the surfaces.

If he gets time off, then so do you.
Don’t ask - take it

if he says ‘I’m fishing Saturday afternoon’ they you say ‘oh ok I’m going to friends for afternoon tea Sunday’

Keep doing it so you get some head space - he needs to learn how to parent and how to be a husband.

PoppingTomorrow · 06/03/2024 22:43

I know I wouldn’t be able to get him to go. He would make that as difficult as humanly possible

What do you mean by this?

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